This is how you'd imagine a sysadmin.

(Stolen from Reddit)

Hypothetical survey:

Ctrl + s still saves your work but at the same time it pushes to production. How fucked are you?

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

You know you're fucked when you start searching answers on quora instead of Stack Overflow.

It’s funny because it’s true XD

Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

you know something's wrong...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Made my day 😂😂

i feel like there needs to be a volume 3 as well

Programming in a tree. I usually climb up here and read, but I decided to code, and I didn't drop my laptop :D

I covered the screen with my hand because my code's ugly, and I don't want anyone to see it lol.

Finally I can start using emojis again! well done google!

https://blog.emojipedia.org/inclusi...

A geeky poem...

It feels stupid to see a simple google dork returning the list of your mistakes.

If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

Haha , this is so me

"Don't give your 100%. Never. Once you gave, managers will start expecting more than that." - My mentor.

Project managers think nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Wrote some codes that uses your photos to compose an input image. Will post code later. Written in Python though. Also this is my dad. Also I wrote this in Yellowstone cuz I didn't like the view lol.

Stackoverflow.

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Steam Winter Sale is on, and I just got myself Dark Souls III.

Done downloading, game started and....

*dies within first 3 minutes*

Suicide Linux

Everything is going as planned

How to get a job at apple

When you "fix" a bug not by actually fixing the bug but by disabling the user's ability to cause the bug.

Oh shit. I found something better. Had to delete previous rant.

Google Assistant is actually being cheeky!

This is a valid point.

Just the real deal.

Plot twist