Rant
Why do shithead clients think they can walk away without paying us once we deliver the project !!!

So, here goes nothing..
Got an online gig to create a dashboard.
Since i had to deal with a lot of shitheads in the past, I told them my rules were simple, 20% advance, 40% on 50% completion and 40% after i complete and send them proof of completion. Once i receive the payment in full, only then i will hand over the code.
They said it was fine and paid 20%.
I got the next 40% also without any effort but they said they also needed me to deploy the code on their AWS account, and they were ready to pay extra for it, so i agreed.
I complete the whole project and sent them the screenshots, asking for the remaining 40% payment. They rejected the request saying my work was not complete as i had not deployed on AWS yet. After a couple of more such exchanges, i agreed to setup their account before the payment. But i could sense something fishy, so i did everything on their AWS account, except registered the domain from my account and set up everything. Once i inform them that its done and ask for the remaining payment.
The reply i got was LOL.
I tried to login to the AWS account, only to find password had been changed.
Database access revoked.
Even my admin account on the app had been removed. Thinking that they have been successful, they even published ads about thier NEW dashboard to their customers.
I sent them a final mail with warning ending with a middle finger emoji. 24 hours later,
I created a github page with the text " This website has been siezed by the government as the owner is found accused in fraud" and redirected the domain to it. Got an apology mail from them 2 hours later begging me to restore the website. i asked for an extra 10% penalty apart from the remaining payment. After i got paid, set an auto-reply of LOL to thier emails and chilled for a week before restoring the domain back to normal.
Dev : 1
Shithead Client: 0

So Pubs are open again I Ireland.. went to n that were all booked out.. but after 40min of wandering around I got a single corner in one of them.

Let me tell you one thing. You might pour good pints but NO ONE can serve a pint like an Irish pub. Soooo gooood and creamy.. fuck, i missed this.

You know what?

Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.

Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".

To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."

"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."

And that, as it turned out was almost true.

After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.

"Just run "npm install" he says".

Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.

Node 14... nope whole project dies.

Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.

Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.

Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.

Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.

Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.

All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.

Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".

Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.

Why?

Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...

This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...

We'd been played.

Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.

I rewrote the app in Swift.

So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.

None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.

So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.

And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?

Mine are still working.

Rant++

Just want to mention this mother fucker named Allen. Allen is a fuckin' badass. This guy fucks.

This bad mother fucker like single handedly wrote one of the best fuckin libraries for displaying tabular data, and threw in a shit ton of JSON capabilities just to make it that much fuckin' cooler.

And why? Because he fuckin fucks thats fucking why. I already told you.

And does this son of a fuck support his fucking product? You bet your sweet basement dwelling programming fucking ass that he does.

Dude works that support forum like he no doubt works that pussy. With full and complete knowledge and control, but with a gentle mature touch. Fuckin right.

Do you hate PHP? Well this fuck made a Node version? Do you hate Node? Use that shit with pure JS client side. This dude doesn't give a fuck. Don't have a table? Pass that shit JSON and GET A FUCKIN TABLE!!!

Some dipshit in your company needs to edit a database table but there's no way on sweet baby jesus's green earth you're giving that dumb fuck DB creds? Run that dumb fuck up a fully editable admin portal in like 5 fucking minutes because fuck him.

There are few things in my life I love. My corgi and my kids, and most days my wife.

But always fucking DATATABLES.

So, Allen Jardine... just wanted to give you and your product DataTables and Editor a fucking devRant shout out. It continues to be the one ray of light that works as expected and is extremely well supported when it doesn't and some days I just need that fucking consistency in my life man. So thanks.

Downsides of working from home: No team, communication is just horrible, endless calls that move nowhere

Upsides of working from home: Whiskey

In the race control room at the 24 Hour Le Man race events. That was actually my office for 3 weeks.

In response to:
https://devrant.com/rants/2149067/...
I took your advice.
She said yes 😁

Recently I had to work on a project using PrestaShop. Naturally I looked up the "docs" and found the part where they recommend to write documentation.

Fine until you realize they don't and the documentation website gives generic useless informations...

People always say how they lost couple fucking hrs because of a bloody ';'.

You know what.. '!' are mush worse.

I just lost 2.5 hrs debugging because i had written if(x){} instead of if(!x)

semicolons you can find at compile time.
! are the true morons

Spoke at my first conference yesterday! Was mental 😂😂 going to take me a week to recover

When I’m at work I can’t wait to get home to work on personal projects only to get home with no energy and just procrastinate and/or play games entire weekend/afternoon.
Think is i also feel extremely guilty if i try to relax and do nothing, but at the same time able to understand that i need time to chill, just can’t get in a positive mindset about it. Am i the only one?

I'm sorry, but I'm so fucking done with Hinglish.

I wish tutorials that merge the two have an indication of it in their titles.

After countless hours trying to spell my name for customer service over the phone, I made a little webpage that helps me spell words phonetically! 💬

https://dialogue.now.sh

Made it!!! Starting at CERN on September 1st! :)

A big thank you to you guys for the support in my previous posts!

Ran into a girl who I had a crush on in high school at a bar last week. Hanged out for a bit, but then I had to run catch the last train home.

Today I get a message from her that reads: "Hey, it was nice to meet you last week. Can I call you some time, there's something I want to tell you. 😉"

I think to myself -- sweet and say that I have no meetings today, call me whenever you can.

A couple of minutes later she calls me, and the first thing she says: "I have this app idea..."

fuck, shouldn't have hyped myself up.

Every job interview question ever

Skype interview for CERN: done!
Interviewers were very nice and professional :) If all goes smoothly this adventure starts in September!

I haven't attempted any dating yet but I have attempted staying in touch with girls and this has failed big time. Not due to coding but due to me not using social media (especially Facebook and Instagram) and also - this is a huge deal in the Netherlands - not using WhatsApp.

The second girls hear/notice/discover that when exchanging information, it's shut off right away. (Or, this has been my experience)

On the bright side, I might find a very good match this way and I'm at least holding on to my principles/values :)

1. Unlimited money on bank account
2. Give me master degree
3. Disable remote desktop as “secure environment” at my workplace

1. I wish that people start taking back their device ownership. Right to repair is an extremely important thing. Like that Nexus 6P that I've recently repaired by jamming another battery into it, now it's at 110-ish% health according to AccuBattery. And it cost me.. €10 or so? All the while if I wasn't able to get in there, it would've been a €120 paperweight (and that's not even considering the €300-ish (? Someone please fill me in on that) price it retailed at back in 2015 when it was a flagship).

(edit the so many'th: according to https://express.co.uk/life-style/... the base model was apparently £449 at release, haven't been able to verify it though.. point is, a paperweight at such prices would've been quite a bummer, I mean for me it was even one given that it failed a mere few months after purchase for €120.. €40/m for a phone ain't nothing :/)

Right to repair is an extremely important thing, and the ability to do so shouldn't ever be impeded. Users should become able again to service the devices that they own.

2. I wish that people start caring about their privacy again. Google and Facebook and the likes are large companies, but at the end of the day, that's all they are. Large companies. And they're hungry for your data, not because they're selling it, rather because they're collecting it to an extent which they shouldn't. Over at DDG (https://spreadprivacy.com/duckduckg...) they explain a very much viable alternative revenue model pretty well. Additionally, there's several tools which you can use to limit the amount of data that's being collected about you. These include but are not limited to Firefox, NoScript, ad blockers (I personally use uBlock), a trustworthy VPN (ideally one of your own), and Tor.

3. I wish that software would become less inefficient. It really pains me to see that applications with functionality that could be implemented in a couple of MB at most come at a size of several hundreds of MB. 1% efficiency, even the inefficient as fuck tungsten light bulbs weren't that awful!!! Imagine what could be done with all the hardware we have available nowadays, if every piece of software would be around 80% efficient as is a common norm in electronics. Just looking at Linux which is still in many ways convoluted, modern desktops with a couple hundred MB of RAM usage? You've got it! So why can't OS's like Windows (although I have to say, huge improvements have been made there over the last few years) and browsers like Firefox and Chrome be more like that? I really don't understand.

There's several more wishes I have of course, but those are the most important ones.. hopefully I'll be able to see at least one of them come true during my life.

Jack please stay away

After years of struggle with nvidia on Linux across several devices I built my first AMD only PC and I have only one thing in my mind...

Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...

Does anyone else read:
!important
as
"NOT important"???

RAGE. FUEL.

And BAM. Wrote a quick'n dirty little php script which works with loads of shell_exec calls to block all ip addresses belonging to an ASN number.

For example: If I get Facebook's ASN number and use it as parameter for this script with a custom name (for the iptables chain), the script creates a chain called the custom name, adds all ip addresses/ranges it got from the whois lookup (on the ASN number) with DROP to iptables and then it adds that chain to the INPUT and OUTPUT chains.

I've done some tests and can indeed genuinely not reach Facebook at all anymore, Microsoft is entirely blocked out as well already 💜

This passes all unit tests

I wonder how long will it take for SJW to start complaining about "man pages" ...

I just found that the logo of devRant exists in every URL out there.

:/
https://

When you are creating new design for your website and everything works fine and then you see that you browser is zoomed on 150%😫😭

I laughed harder than I should have.