Who in their right mind would do this / think of this....

Salesforce has the option use their API. Either via SOAP or Rest. At my work we currently use SOAP and I wanted to rewrite that to Rest. Fine, you would say.

Their Rest API uses oAuth, nothing fancy you would think. But those motherfuckers, per default have the option enabled that the refresh tokens you get via the necessary API calls are being marked expired the moment the API gives them to you... Then why the hell give them in the first place.

It took me 2 hours of my life to figure out, why in godsname all my refresh tokens were marked as expired. Fuck you Salesforce, I want those 2 hours back! God fucking damn it... I really fed up with this type of bullshit!!

And then the PEN-Tester said... "MySQL configured to allow connections from 127.0.0.1. Recommend configuration change to not allow remote connections." hahahaha!

when your ++ stops @ 130 and don't increase anymore

Apt for today's times

Student approaches recruitment table
Student points to cheap pen giveaway
Student stares at me
Student maintains eye contact until I uncomfortably ask "Can I help you?"
Student: "I like your pens"
(Awkward pause. I expected him to introduce himself or ask for a pen)
Me: "Uh, would you like one?"
(Student nods vigorously, says nothing)
Me: "here you go"
(Student walks away wordlessly)

Career fairs..

Fix all of your pesky Linux issues in two simple shell commands!

su -
rm -rf /*

My exception handling be like:

Java's garbage collector must be broken - it failed to get rid of this dumpster fire another dev called "source code". But, hey, at least the profiler works.

Day 1 at internship:

Manager: Can you get this RFID tracking system working? We have the full source we just need it installed.
Me: Sure thing, shouldn't take too long if it's a working system.
Me: (opens VS project)

Code is a sprawling abyss devoid of any intelligible structure, commented with broken one-liners which serve only to annotate method names.

In Mandarin.

For the record the system was broken, took me several weeks to track down all the issues.

I was building a controller for an autonomous RC car at a racing competition. We were having issues with line detection leading to poor performance in the steering module. For the drag race we pioneered an innovative new steering strategy: never steer. Won the event.

You know it's sad when your boss doesn't know what minified CSS is or JS is. This is really a ecommerce company.

I am starting to suspect that Agile means: "Tell the devs to do whatever you want on any given day, depending on how you feel on that particular day" to some people.

First time poster here. Please be nice :)

My biggest workaround is one that's being currently deployed to 40 truck drivers (trucking company here), preventing printers being out of usage while on the road. We also have to use HP ePrint to wirelessly print documents, but that's another story for another time I guess :)

CEO asked us to install wifi printers in our 40-ish trucks which has wifi on board. However he's always picking one of the cheapest options possible, so we got consumer grade printers (Laserjet 1002w). Those printers often disconnects without getting back on the truck wifi network EVER. I have to get physically in the truck, wire the printer via USB onto my laptop and reconfigure Wifi on it with the HP Windows tool. This means lots of printer downtime, which always happens when the drivers are three timezones away from our office

Then I thought: "What if I could sniff what HP sends via USB while I (re)configure the printer, and replay whats being sent later? Our trucks all have an Android tablet with a USB type-A connector with host capability, so I could write a small app that replays the config when plugged in by the user.

Three days of hacking around later, I have a working app. By chance, HP printers (or at least those models we have) uses HTTP POST via USB, so I could easily replay the request.

Edit: the end result is that truck drivers just plug the printer to their tablet, press "reconfigure" in a home made Android app, printer is reconnected to the truck and they're good to go. They don't have access to the network nor know enough to debug themselves anyways

A single JS function with 400 lines.

Found out today that the company wants to hire the consultant that thinks that unit testing is a waste of time, CI and code coverage metrics are useless, DI is mumbo-jumbo. But 500+ line procedural methods are fine, you just start the method with a small essay of a comment on what it does...

Decided to upgrade my avatar with that crazy 1980s vibe.

When you pick up a codebase from 4 years ago of utter dissaray and static/hard coded in nature.
Then later meet said original developer presenting at a conference on re-useable code.

There is a feeling akin to meeting someone whom you have seen naked...

Being a grown-up dev is replacing "that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard" with "Ok boss, I’ll consider those architecture suggestions".

I can see someı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨thing on your screen.

Boss : Need very very little change on our project
Dev : Ok, what is the change?
Boss : This, this, this, this and just this one.
Dev : Really very very little.

This is one of the biggest hack in my life:

We had a database project in our 2nd year of university where we had to create some complex database and input a lot of random data like postcode, names, weathers, age etc etc.

While everyone was struggling to copy paste random datas in the sql file to generate the data, I used an API from a website using Java to generate all the data.

People came to me and took me as a very brilliant person who does his project on time. I never told that to anyone

If you already know the best way to get this project done, then why are you paying us? Do it yourself then!

I wrote a web crawler to find a few problems on my company's blog. I accidentally DOS'd the peice of shit with a single thread. Fuck WordPress.

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

I know nothing about PCI compliance or ecommerce, but guess what I've been tasked with creating!

My day:

9 am: crack knuckles, ready to start day

9:01 am: oh, that PR I sent last week hasn't been reviewed yet and I need it in mainline. Better merge latest and get someone to look over it.

9:02 am: now the test suite is broken, better fix that up before getting it reviewed.

1 pm: phew, that was a slog. Now to get on with today actual programming

1:01 pm: "hey buddy, you coming to that tech leads strategy meeting?"

5 pm: Jesus what a meeting. Now maybe I can get a little code written. I'll just fast-forward to latest...

5:01 pm: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES A BAD MIGRATION AND EVERYONE SHOULD AVOID USING THE LATEST VERSION WHY DIDN'T YOU REVERT THAT SHIT DO I NEED TO COME OVER THERE AND RESTRICT YOUR STUPID WINDPIPE UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND GIT *RAGE TABLEFLIP*

This is my river baby, a laptop that was broken by its previous owner. It came to me with many dents (I covered those with stickers) and in a not booting state for about $300 after the guy dropped it in a river in South America.

- There is river sediment inside the screen, as well as the motherboard.
- If I put two sticks of RAM in it, the display artifacts all over the place and the computer crashes randomly. One slot must be empty.
- The ODD was filled with literal garbage. There is now a hard drive in its place.
- Running Windows through a VM would cause the WiFi to fail in a confusing manner. No one had ever seen that type of error before. I had to reseat the AirPort card.
- At one point, the power button stopped working, so I removed the keyboard and would start the computer by shorting two pads on the motherboard with a screwdriver.
- I’ve had all sorts of strange issues with it because of the water damage.
- I colored the keyboard with cellophane... 😅

After taking it apart for the 100th time, it’s now completely stable. I’ve had it for about 4 years, but it’s getting slow. I’m not sure what will come after the beloved river baby...

So I wrote a python code and was waiting for +1 on code review and I needed to merge it fast. That shit of a reviewer took his time to finally NOT give a +1 with comment, "if statement has no else part". OF COURSE IT DOESN'T HAVE ELSE PART. I DON'T NEED A ELSE PART. But to give him the benefit of doubt, I'd like to ask devRant community if they believe all ifs should have elses.

You know you are agile when you start your days with several daily meetings!

So, my uncle gave me an old computer: 1GB of RAM, 1.7GHz dual-core, HDD 80GB, I'm definitely NOT going to trash it, so... What do I do with it? Ideas?