My brother and I were checking out this new restaurant that had opened up recently. As we enter,

I inadvertently blurt out, "Hey! This place has a nice UI!"

Brother - "Wut?"

Me - "Ambience, I meant ambience."

"Give someone a program, you frustrate them for a day; teach them how to program, you frustrate them for a lifetime." - David Leinweber

Boss: we need high precision volume control
Me: say no more...

Date a programmer. We break loops, not hearts.

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}

My social life

Only in Silicon Valley

Linux distributions.

Angular Y U du dis to me

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

I do push-ups and sit-ups whilst running long running CPU-intensive jobs so that I can feel the burn along with my CPU.

When you're so into your project that you feel like peeing is a waste of time...

Apple rejected my app, because they throught there was a frickin Windows phone on my loading screen.

How insecure can you be?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I used CSS to vertical align some text..

without checking Stack Overflow

The moment an other team couldn't deliver for a deadline. CEO came to me, gave me 50 bucks told me to get a pizza and some hash and just work the night and deliver the damn app. So I did. Got a week holiday for free in return. One of the best guys I worked for.

That time when I was wrong, the client was wrong, but my algorithm was right.

I'm proud of you son

My last internship (it was awesome). A programmer developed a vacation/free day request application for internal use.
Asked if I could test it for security.
The dev working on it thought that was a very good idea as he wasn't much into security and explained how the authentication process worked.
I immediately noticed a flaw just from his explanation. He said it was secure anyways (with an explanation but his way of thinking was wrong in this case). Asked if I was allowed to show him. He said he was intrigued by this so gave me a yes right away.

For the record, user levels were normal user, general admin and super admin (he was the only super admin).

Wrote a quick thingy server side (one of my own servers/domains) for testing purposes.

Then I started.

Went from normal user to super admin (his account) through a combination of XSS and Session Hijacking within 15 seconds.

Explained him where he went wrong and he wrote a patch under my guidance 😃.

That felt so fucking awesome.

The Web developer's equivalent to, "have you turn it off and on again":

"Try clearing the cache"

Microsoft and Linux 😂😂

Tomorrow is my first day at work, im nervous and exited.

The cool thing about side projects is you can do whatever you want.

The shitty thing is you never complete whatever you want.

Oh but I insist ...

Hurricane force winds should be coming your way soon

She: Do dates make you nervous?

He: Oh yes, especially when the client and server are in different timezones and I need to calculate the difference and they are in different formats and I mean why can’t everyone just use ISO8601, right?

She: Okay never mind bye..........

Friend: So you're a programmer? You must be good in hacking WiFis and sht.
Me: Uhm..
Friend: Can you hack my PayPal account using HTML?
Me: Say no more.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's unhealthy for my desk plant that I explain her my code.

I loled a little 😅

Any idea why normal, intelligent people lose the ability to write coherent sentences as soon as they click into a bug ticket description text box?

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends