People watching me doing css

2 months into my first dev job, everything looks like a Jira ticket now.
Mum: wash the dishes
Me: create a ticket for that... i estimate the story points to be 2

credits to fb:@entertainmentxlab

Just sth that I drew during today's meeting

Yo dawg, check out my fresh pimped homeoffice!

I have been a developer since I was 13 and this is the first time ever I feel complete :) Wish all of you even a better one than mine!

Client brief vs Client Budget

An iPad Pro is totally better than a computer.

Can I code on that piece of fuck? No? Fuck off.

"Ok.js"

My productivity hack: headphones and a simple sign that says "NO".
...works!

Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.

Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was

"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"

Embarrassing AF!

I ranted about my coworker trying to shoulder surf me last week.

Yesterday, he bought a mini Monster energy drink fridge and put it under his desk.

Me: "Oh cool. I don't have to go all the way to the kitchen to raid a fridge now :-P"
Him: "I'm gonna put a lock on it."
His Boss: "You know he teaches a lockpicking class at the hackerspace, right?"
Me: *headphones back on"

Are you ready to get my up vote
Yes I'm ready to get your up vote

When developing outside of a Starbucks and a bird decides to shit right on the keyboard of your laptop 😑

🐶🐶🐶

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

Overheard some family members talking about me during a vacation about 3 years ago...

aunt: why is he that way?

cousin: he spent too much time on the computer while he was younger.

aunt: that's bad.

yeah.. now I make more than both of you and don't give a shit about you anymore, thanks 👍

"bart as a pentester"

When the trainee wants to improve your code.

It's over Facebook

Who wants one?

*gets a new phone.
*installs devRant as the first app

When your morning stand ups include non-tech personnel and you need to get back to the code

Before production deployment: Everything is running well, all bugs are fixed, serenity sets in.

Production deployment day: Fire everywhere

goddamit we don't get a fucking break

never ending story ..

Always be ready for those long nights!

That feeling when the company looses a 120k account and it is blamed on your expert opinion and poor handling off the situation when It's really the fuckwits in sales who in their greed for provisions make shitty pitches.

I got a call to attend a meeting with a customer. Present was also the "developer" from the customers side who was to oversee the projects. The pitch was made earlier, but no information was provided beforehand so I was going in blind, covering for a suddenly absent lead. The point was to roughly present how the project was to be executed and I was told to voice my opinion on development time estimate that the clients expert had given. They were outsourcing and had already fired their whole team.

I gave a number based on the provided information and all hell breaks loose. Suddenly it's a total circle jerk. Shit goes down. The "dev" tells that he can do it himself in half the time and starts showing some shitExcelsOfTotalAbsurdness that prove it. I calculate his claim and end up with a result that he has 60+ hours in his day, so I ask why doesn't he do it then? Why the outsourcing if they could just give him a raise and save a ton of cash.. sudden silence and you just can hear the rusty gears turn while they try to make a new excuse.

Well it went south. Today I found out that the client was our sales guys buddy. so TL;DR of it was that our sales guy was trying to make a quick buck and give a break to his buddy and hang the shitbucket on our team. I pointed out that this was a shitty business deal that would go into the red, but the sales guy turned it around and now "I cost company 120k/month account on a long project" and because I acted unprofessionally customer is unhappy.

I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT

secretly hoping to get fired over this

//SysAdmin

note 7 is really “Booming” right now

Sometimes I wish I can control life like CSS.

Example: traffic{ float: left}

Just another day at work!