Oysters are just animal pistachios

We need to test the last step in our proof-of-concept chain before putting our project proposal... but just before testing what we believe will be (finally) a functioning scenario, the key service we need and have no influence over stopped working. I am pretty sure, it will start working like 5 minutes before I usually leave.. one has to love this waitNRush development.

Me: hm yes this will be easiest in python

Me, 10 minutes later: fuck python why am i using this piece of shit

So I was looking for some real-time dashboard app using vue, tried searching for it on google and found some article.

He lost me at setInterval.

What's the first computer you ever used?

This was the year I became obsessed with computers. I was eleven years-old. My elementary school was gifted a computer lab (1983) with the Commodores seen in the picture (VIC-20s, PETs, C64s).

My first dev project was back in the 80's. I might have been around 10, I think.

My friend and I had been tinkering around Shoot'em up construction kit for a while, plus we'd been quite inspired by all the cracktros, intros and whatnot was popular back then (piracy was huge, at least on the C64 platform - I don't think I ever saw an original game until my parents bought an Amstrad CPC).

Anyway, we were inspired. We didn't know how to code except some basic BASIC (ba-dum-tsj). We borrowed a book from the library on how to code an assembler for the C64 in BASIC, and coded for days. I eventually lost interest, but my buddy did actually complete it.

Planning.
- Sales people: we will deploy and install 100 customers by the end of the month.
Meaning: 100 it's impossibile, we want actually do 50, but we set a high target so people will sweat their ass off. But we don't tell them the truth.

- Tech people: no way, we will deploy and install no more than 25!
Meaning: we could do 100 but we would die. We will guarantee 25, but since we are good we will optimise the workflow and maybe we will make it to 50. But we don't want to create expectations.

Big misunderstanding arise if these two language are used in the same meeting.

At least if I'm in the meeting as technical people

So this guy was struggling using grep everywhere for navigating C source code. What a douche. Told him about ctags. Made my life easier.

My girlfriend keeps getting review requests from restaurants we visited.

Then there's a list of all the visited ones on her phone.

Location services is off.

Fucking annoying.

Google sucks.

Absolutely no respect for privacy.

None whatsoever.

Privacy is a myth.

😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Thank you !!

Push frequency is not a measure of productivity.

[This rant was automatically removed due to copyright violation]

I've become a night worker. To put it mildly, it's become mildly annoying. I start studying/writing code at night and before I know it, it's morning. I can't seem to stop. I then end up feeling weak and sleepy during the day when I need to be awake. If I'm lucky, I get a few hours of sleep during the day. And then at night, it happens all over again. I need to fix this.

I love this.

Yeah.. it's a shame C# doesn't have a type to hold this (4) and then you have to resort to using var.. I am so disappointed, I've heard C# is crap, but this.. THIS!! It doesn't even have a type for normal integers!! FFS!!! I thought it was better than this!!
Oh, wait.. it's not C# who is 'weird'!! It's my super duper cool ex coworker who made a mess of the simple code again... I admit, this is not such a huge deal.. BUT... It doesn't end here.. o.O

Awesome! //not.. :/
Was checking what the F I was doing wrong, my files didn't show up in changes.. found out someone thought it was a good idea to put *.cs to ignore file.. :/
What are .cs files?! We don't need them anyways.. :/ o.O
Fuck!

!dev !rant but still funny story

As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.

I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me

He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.

While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂

Goddamn I'm retarded to the next level.

Rebooted my phone a few days ago, some stuff didn't work well anymore and I'm looking for a new one which supports custom roms but I shouldn't spend too much right now so I thought I'd let it go for now.

Rebooted again last night and the network time wouldn't set properly so set it manually. Today I suddenly noticed that any app/page loading through a secure connection wasn't loading at all.

This to the goddamn point that my phone was becoming useless.

Started to search for a quick, cheap replacement supporting custom roms while debugging on and on.

I just (now) looked at the date and BAM, it hit me: I set it to one month earlier.

Mother of god I'm stupid. Brain fart to the max.

"I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. " - Dorothy Parker

I started a months ago in a new company and I grab a horrible legacy system and what makes me more angry is they know the code isn't code and isn't fit our new reality but they don't want to refactor the same.

So which more features we produce more bugs comes along because the legacy code bugs still on there.

They aren't guitar strings. They're usually made of metal.

They're guitar wires.

Lemme just leave this here

I request the VPN credential to access to an italian big company network.
The ask me the email to send the new credentials.
I reply sviluppo@mycompany.it
They say it's not good, it's not associated only to me.
I said I'm the only developer (sviluppo) in my company.
They reply the is more secure my private gmail account.
They sent the credentials to my gmail account.

Just got an Android app project from friends, but already have a bad feeling about it.

It already start with 11 freaking screen, an input activity with 17 field(include spinners, date picker, location picker, and a freaking table). 3 different account type, each has different item and function visible to the user. 5 main feature, one of it include *chat* that supports multimedia, A freaking alarm system, both scheduled and automatic based on certain parameter with push notification, and deadline at January 1st with teams of 3 people :)

Today I got to my new office. After booting my PC I noticed, that my phone-client isn't working.

I wrote an Incident to our helpline, telling them my phone isn't working.

After one hour I got an mail:
"Dear XYZ, we couldn't reach you at your phone. Please call back so we can fix your issue"

FUCK YOU WTF! ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED? READ YOUR FUCKING INCIDENTS! MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS!

think what u want but i literally work 3 days per day

Amazing TESLA rant:
https://amp.reddit.com/r/...

I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.

I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.

When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.

Sweet, sweet malice.

Some years back I was working in a project that essentially dealt with all things related to foreigners and foreign affairs in Switzerland. You could manage entry visas, work permits, citizenship, international warrants, Interpol requests, etc.

One of the test managers (from client side - i.e. the government) was once manually "testing" and mixed up the production and test instance, to both of which he was logged in at the time.
The test case then ended up setting up an entry ban against himself, as he used his own name for testing...

Next time he returned from vacation the border control at the airport were like "Uhm, Sir, we can't let you into the country. Please come with us." :D :D

(He managed to clear that up in end, I dare say, though, that he learned his lesson.)

Yet another someone just contacted me about having a "great idea for an app".

That's a justified rant all by itself.