The entire codebase

I feel like I've ranted this before. many times. but here we go again because Australia.

why do people think you can just ban math? like really?! that's what crypto laws do. they require companies to use shitty math. and what prevents me from using the good math? nothing! oh I mean... I won't use it? scouts honor.

you can't ban math.
literally billions of internet users don't fall in your jurisdiction.
no single jurisdiction can cover more than a subset of the internet.
I will use whatever maths I damn well please.
fuck off. please stop making us less safe.
/discussion

Perfect room name dosen't exist.

conference room
name changed
to
"execution room"

I learned some fun things today!

Fun fact! A lot of things rely on python!
Fun fact! Python relys on a lot of things!
Fun fact! Updating just python and nothing else causes your entire fucking arch to break! ... Wait that's not fun. Shit!

FML.

CW: The SQL injection vulnerability isn't important because our code is proprietary so hackers won't find it.

Me: <censored>

Yo mamma so FAT, she can only store 4GB per file.

Coworker in my team recently said to boss:

"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"

Some random PR comments from our company's repository:

"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"

"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"

*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"

"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"

Found this in our code today

fellow web developer helping me with debuging

When working in embedded, you basically write your program, compile it and flash it on some hardware.
Compiling and flashing usually require some black magic commands with lots of parameters so i set up two shortcuts in my terminal
yolo to compile
swag to flash

Understandably i keep it to myself

Few months ago, I ate so many MBs (just 300+ GBs) in a month that my ISP blocked my connection and sent a worker to check if i was sharing my internet connection with neighbours etc. { They say UNLIMITED downloads when selling packages }
I was so pissed that after restoration I wrote autorun-on-startup powershell which keeps downloading a 100MB file forever just to eat bandwidth.
This month my downloads crossed a TB.
I feel like I've pissed in ISP's face just to show that if I'm not eating TBs every month, it doesn't mean i can't do it.

Just my download speed, no biggie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Our team just got the best email from our client hahaha

These "math question" captchas are really stupid.
It's not even an image that has to be OCR-ed, it's just plaintext. Why can't these people understand a captcha is supposed to be something only a person can do? This is math. Computers are amazing at math.

Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."   
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  
 Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"   
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

So how has coding impacted my life?

I lost 54 kgs. My girlfriend I mean.

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

Implementing the application exactly like the client specified, because they won't listen.

Are you for real Guido/python devs?! Can we stop shoving politics into non issues just to virtue signal please?

What the fuck is next?! Oh you can't kill a process you politely put it to sleep, you can't call that machine a server anymore it might get offended now it's called a service caring electrical appliance, hey what about removing python all together after all python could be misconstrued as phallic and drive women away; I know! Let's call it Santa/elves instead of master/slave!

Fuck off! And what's that of you being akward saying server/slave terminology around black people? That's insanely racist! Who the fuck thinks all black people are descendants of slaves? Why the fuck are you racist enough to imply they can't do their job properly because (unlike you) they would be uncomfortable, you low expectations racist fuck!

You just fucked with your open source base and I really don't wanna see python going woke and then broke.

https://github.com/python/cpython/...

My dad called me up at 11:30 PM telling me that his computer wasn't booting. I drive over to see what was going on. I notice immediately that the motherboard light is a solid amber light.

Me: "The motherboard is amber, that means it's failing to POST".

Dad: "How soon can we fix it? I need to run my Ebay business."

Me: "A week probably. You have a laptop that works can you use that?"

Dad: "It doesn't work great with Windows, it's not a very powerful compu"

Me: "You're going to use Linux dad. Welcome to Linux."

Got semi drunk and thought "Now would be a good time to implement this feature"
*Codes for 2 hours straight without compiling once*
"Done. Good night"

The next morning:
Gets up and tries out feature
*Fixes 2 syntax errors/typos*
*Tries again*
*Feature works*

This should probably be labeled a meme, but I'm going to actually rant about this meme.

People use the term hacker way too frequently. Solving your trashy fucking "Pa$$w0rd123" password and getting access to your Spotify account isn't hacking.

Same douchewaffle probably thinks you could hack a Facebook account in 30 seconds. I fucking hate the way movies have portrayed hacking and created a dramatized bullshit idea for people to believe is real.

JavaScript starts here...

1. Forgot my password.
2. Clicked "Forgot" password button.
3. Received my forgotten password as plain text in my email

FINALLY
GODDAMNED
FIXED

I'VE SPENT OVER A GODDAMN WEEK SWIMMING THROUGH DEMON EXCREMENT WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS SHIT.

I FINALLY FOUND IT. IN A FUCKING. CONDITIONAL. OVERLOAD. OF A MODEL GETTER.

THAT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE RETURNS EITHER THE REQUESTED COLUMN FROM THE DATABASE, OR AN ENTIRELY FUCKING DIFFERENT COLUMN, ALL DEPENDING ON THE VALUE OF A THIRD FUCKING COLUMN.

HKJSDFASKFJ

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE.
THE VALUE IT RETURNS. IS COMPLETELY WRONG. FOR ALMOST. EVERY. FUCKING. CASE.

BECAUSE THAT FIRST COLUMN? IT NEVER GETS UPDATED. EVER.

AND THIS DEALS WITH ACCOUNTING AND REAL GODDAMN MONEY.

AARRGHHHHH
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

Worst pseudocode ever.

Hate "smart" Facebook ads ..

Old but gold, lose my shit every time 🌝

I am the reference. Like a Boss :)

"Shit, redefined."
"Shit, reinvented"
"One shit to rule them all!"
"A new era of bullshit"
"The world's 1st portable pile of shit!"

-> Typical Kickstarter slogans... 
Seriously I found at least five campaigns using them! Wtf how uncreative can you be!?