Gta San Andreas 4 life

Tip: Don't reinvent the wheel.

Use APIs

Did you ever notice that the people playing music in public with a portable speaker always have the fucking worst taste I music?

Software engineering is doomed.

The next generation of developers is going to suck as fuck

I've come across a lot of situation that made me think this way.

The most notable examples are right here on devrant.

I've seen a shit ton of rants blaming languages for "bugs" when in fact those "bugs" wouldn't have happened if those fuckers would have read the specifications of said languages.

This new generation doesn't read, when they've got a problem they just fucking go to Google for answers, they don't bother reading specifications, language books, rfc, etc, they don't bother reading where the true source of information are. The documentation ? What's that ? Let's go to stackoverflow first, let's think second.

Same back in school I've seen people in the highest grades that couldn't fucking decompress a tar archive.

In the coming decades we will loose the high skilled people, the people that made the software world as it is today we will be left with fuckers only able to blame things for stuff they don't understand.

This is my first true rant. This is me being pissed off.

Boss: "I know we just finished the first part of Client A's project but they also want this extra work done that wasn't in the contract."
Me: "Can't do it without pushing back Client B's work"
Boss: "Well we don't want that. We need to hit that deadline."
Me: "Cool"
Boss: "But Client A was really hoping this new feature which wasn't in the scope would be in."
Me: "Then we're pushing back Client B's work"
<<loop continues >>

Best part about home automation?

Morning coffee right in the face when your automation system breaks and goes nut.

6 char

What the ...😂

Finally! The laptop is filled !
Still don't have the Devrant sticker tho 😭😭😭
Will have to layer it up now!

They break your heart too 😭💔

Just saw a recruitment post for a female speaker to join a female panel at a "women in tech" event. And it's by an organisation called "codelikeagirl". 😒

As a female developer, it gives me the upmost cringe to hear about any #women or #girlpower events. Do you really need to validate your ability and support because of your gender? Men don't go to #menInTech events, so why do you need to go #womenInTech events?

On the surface it seems all friendly and gender equality fluff. But if you segregate yourselves into an all exclusive group, isn't that the opposite of what your trying to "achieve"?

Client: There is a high severity production issue.. you need to fix urgently..

Developer: I am on the way.. Will fix it once I reach home.

Client: I don't care where you are. Fix it right now😡😡

Developer

Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

I fucking love my parents.

Came to visit them again and told them that I might buy an iPhone in the future (I fucking hate apple/i-devices and they know that).

Mom: "You are going to WHAT? Are you okay, son?"
Dad: *walks towards me and puts hand on forehead* "Hmmm, doesn't seem to be that warm. Maybe we should visit a psychiatrist soon."

Me: 😂. mom, dad, I fucking love you.

"This is not an application: it's a bug pretending to be an application." (This comment was left as an app review on Google Play Store)

"I can write a script to do your job"

How programmers comment their code

This is a really accurate changelog .

NO programmer friend
Me : Which language is the most used in the world?
Friend : English

Programmer friend
Me : Which language is the most used in the world?
Friend : Java
Me :

"Is it just me or is Youtube down?"
YES
IT'S JUST YOU
THEY PICKED YOU OUT OF A BILLION USERS
AND TOOK IT DOWN
Sorry, good night.

This code isn't working right, better check the log...

ERROR: There was an error.

Alright, cool, chill. Thanks for the top notch error handling. 👌

My cat reads all my files

We've got a team of around 20 developers and the most junior of them all is a interesting specimen.

The kind of person who thinks they a 'expert' in anything and everything and is constantly trying to school our senior developers who have 20+ years experience behind them.

The sort of person that spends 15 seconds googling something he has never heard of before, but now that he has skimmed 1 page on Google would classify himself as a 'expert' in said topic.

He comes into my office yesterday and proclaims that it has been decided by himself that he no longer wants to be a developer anymore and wants to do Ops/Infrastructure, then starts rambling on about how he is a Kubernetes expert.

I asked what experience he had with Kubernetes and his response was "I watched a webinar they did last night" to which I asked if he had ever actually used anything to do with Kubernetes in his life.

"No, but I'll watch a few YouTube videos and will then be more than qualified" he says

Followed by him telling me that we'll be moving all of our current Docker Swarm clusters into Kubernetes.

This was news to me (I'm head of infrastructure and operations)

I needed a good giggle, so I asked why we would get rid of our exisiting Docker infrastructure that's got a 100% uptime over the past 2 years and has worked without failure. It's truely been a dream.

He says "Because it's shiny and cool and better"

The nest afternoon he comes to me and says "When I move everything into Kubernetes I am going to convert everything into micro services"

He says that he watched a YouTube video the night before on microservices and has decided that it's what we need to use for a particular project.

(It's a simple php website that gets 100 hits per day)

Hopefully his boss will notice that he is producing no output soon. Don't want to tell the manager that the guy he hired delivers no work and lives in a fantasy land.

"your not touching the infrastructure. Ever"

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Makes sense

Implementing the application exactly like the client specified, because they won't listen.

Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

One day when I was about 8 years old my friend and I were in the library. We decided we wanted to try to make a baseball website because we both likes baseball (this was around 1998). We picked up a book on HTML and my dad took it out for us. My dad was also a programmer so he said he would help us learn. We went home that afternoon and made a little website!

I knew right then that I really enjoyed programming and creating things with code, but I realized I wanted to be a programmer in middle school and high school. One of my friends and I started building Flash games. To see if people were playing them, I added in a call to each game that hit a PHP script on our server. I'll never forget the days/weeks that one of our most popular games caused our sever to get hammered and our shared host said they were going to boot us.

It was an awesome feeling knowing people were enjoying these games that we worked really hard on, and that's one of the main reasons I always wanted to be coding/creating things that people enjoy using.

Found something true as 1 == 1

(overheard parents talking)

Mum: I'm worried about our son, I guess he was hacking today
Dad: What? [Chuckle] No. He's not that grown up enough. Prolly programming.
Mum: But, the screen was all blue and there was nothing but text on it. And then suddenly it went blank. So, I asked him what he was doing and he said it was a BSOD. That sounds scary NSA level stuff.
Dad: it isn't [came out of the room, saw me there]

(And we laughed and laughed and laughed)