Don’t drink and code. Definitely don’t drink and commit. Absolutely don’t drink and push to master at 4:55 on a Friday.

Is this blockchain ?

Found this in the underground going home from work

Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm writing my thesis on bringing AI to smartphones.
Her: I think AI is terrible!
Me: oh, you are an engineer too?
Her: No
Me: oh, you've studied economics and or ethics and are worried about its implications on society?
Her: No, but have you?
Me: I have a degree in economics, an MBA and an now about to get my BSc in CS.
Her: well, regardless I still think it's terrible.
Me: well in that case how about you shove your unfounded opinion where the sun don't shine!

The truth, whole truth, and nothing but there truth.

“... the database is always guilty until proven innocent.” - a wise coworker

That guy who called in sick yesterday and turned up with a new haircut today...

Testing how good a language is by checking out how easy is it to write hello world! code.😂🤣

Me - Ooo I've got this idea ! This will fix this "No ones" problem in programming.

(Thinking this will change the programming for everyone)

Starts Coding......

Few minutes later ...Searching stackoverflow for silly syntax errors.

...Finds a 2 years old project from some guy, who already finished working on the idea and answering question as "This is a bullshit idea!, Never try to make something like this."

Me - (Suffering from existential crisis)

How do you create an AI that detects if an AI is biased if we can't even tell if we're biased?

Does not drinking make me biased?

https://futurism.com/microsoft-anno...

Got a bottle from everyone's favorite payment processor!

dev_storyV1.1 (without merge conflict)
Thief: Quick! Hand me your wallet and backpack
Dev: *hands over the empty wallet, takes laptop from bag, pulls from remote, pushes all the commits to remote, deletes local repo, puts laptop in bag, hands over the bag* Here you go mister *sighs*

Writing half the software before remembering I need to commit

Fuck backward compatibility
Because IOS 9 and Android 4.4 doesn't support arrow functions, I have to refactor almost 90% of the code

Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?

> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.

I fucking hate it, when I have to stop working on my project, not because I am incompetent, but because somebody fucked up the docs or their fucking API doesn't work

When I say I'm coding, what I *actually* mean is screw around with my .vimrc and color scheme for 6 hours.

Fuck public transportation. Seriously. It's usually disgusting, too hot, too cold, to expensive and not customer Friendly.

I think about adding a "We don't use cookies"-popup to our upcoming website rework.
Why not list other things? "We don't store your IP-address"-popup? Or "We use HTML"-popup?

Saying yes to everything.

!dev
It's one of those nights again. It's so hot that I'm constantly sweating my fucking ass off and its near impossible to ventilate here. Fucking irritated for some fucking reason and questioning all my fucking life and work decisions yet again.

I don't fucking need this right now. Have to get up in 6 hours but oh boy is this going to be a long night.

Fleksy, if you're going to tell me through a fucking annoying notification that you won't run unless I update Google play services (those can go fuck themselves, I'm not updating that fucking malware) one more goddamn time, I'll fucking exterminate you.

When they ask about the dress code

p.s: found it on the internet, don't if it is a repost here.