HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

Well...

If you are using a FREE software and you don’t like it
You have 3 options:
- Stop using it,
- create your own,
- or simply, SHUT THE FUCK UP

You get the right to complain about what I build IF AND ONLY IF you paid for it.

Hope this is clear!!!

Google searching should be a school subject. There is so much people that dont know how to use it

Gillette Excel

HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
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When you write BS logic, but the code works anyways...

This describes my feelings so well...

How does a Java dev cut his hair?

Eclipse it

Who. The. Fuck. Did. This.

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Get lost Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Can you tell us how did you fix it?

My partner has zero interest in coding and wants to have a baby, a week ago she started to yell install baby at me. Told her its not the right command. A few days ago she yelled apt-get install baby. Told her there was a user privilege problem. Today she came back with sudo apt-get install baby.

looks like we are going to have to have a baby!

A real lifesaver

A programmer and a business analyst are sitting in the break room one day eating lunch when suddenly the microwave catches fire. Thinking quickly, the analyst leaps up, unplugs the microwave, grabs the trash can, fills it with water from sink, and dumps the water on the microwave to put out the flames.

A few weeks later the two are again having lunch in the break room when suddenly the coffee maker bursts into flames. The programmer leaps up, grabs the coffee maker, shoves it into the microwave oven, and then hands the trash can to the business analyst, thus re-using the solution developed for the previous project.

WHY THE HELL DOESN'T THIS METHOD WORK??!11!?? Oh, I never called it yet ._.

The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%.

Ever since I joined devRant, I've been the most motivated I've been in the past 3 years to work on my personal projects and learn new stuff

I freakin love you folks 💞

I can't even type my name correctly if someone is looking on my screen.

Knock.
Knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knock knock knock knock knock.

Who's there?

Fibonacci.

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”

With regards to what @trogus writes here: https://www.devrant.io/rants/520228
I have now purchased double monitors for $8.99. Until @trogus and @dfox figures out how to monetize this wonderful place, may I suggest that everyone buys something for their avatar? The margin on those should be close to 100%.

On the subject of how much I would pay for using devRant, on one hand I use it more than Spotify which would mean I should happily pay $10/month, on the other hand I shouldn't be using devRant so much since my time is limited and devRant isn't exactly a productivity tool.
I'd personally be OK with every 10th or 20th rant being an ad though for instance. As long as they don't appear in comments.
I hope we all find a way to sustain this great place.

No clients.
No managers.
No bosses (other than in-game!).
No deadlines.

I have decided. I don't wanna adult anymore. LET ME OUT!!!

#sign_out
#rage_quit

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

This is what most people do... lol 😂😂😂😂 😂

The worst bad practice I do is I keep going to work.

Many years down the road I will probably look back and say I should have spent more time with my wife (who are you?) and children (wow, you are tall).

When your professor pronounces Git as "jit", you know it's time you drop out.

Do you guys have that one chick / dude who doesn't know jack shit about shit but just like a fukin cockroach always manages to survive every nuclear layoff, all this guy does is come in an watch YouTube videos all day

100 / 100 😂😂