AES256. The private key was in a config file... in Github.

Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start.

The mechanical engineer says:
It's a broken starter.

The electrician's engineer says:
The battery is dead.

The chemical engineer says:
There are impurities in the gas.

The software engineer says:
Guys, try getting out of the the car then back in!

Changing your main editor or IDE and type all the time your old shortcuts.

Ex-boss (who boasted 20 years of programming exp.) Would not let us work on a web project saying we didn't have enough experience and said he'd do it alone... Fast forward to 3 days before presenting to client, we get to check the log in interface and immediately find that there's no actual security, no validation... Just 2 text boxes with hard coded users and no way to add more without creating them in db... And if you knew the next page's URL you can actually skip the login... Needless to say he was removed from the project that instant and we (interns at the time) had to do everything from scratch. A 3 months project done in 2 days. Never been more stressed in my life :'(

Unencrypted, plain text passwords stored in SQL, from lowest role all the way up through Admin. In the same system, they had a "backdoor" password that would log in any user...

Please tell me I am not the only one who puts effort into perfecting my IDE's color scheme :/

Want to understand a DDOS attack?
Imagine trying to work while being interrupted every few seconds.. forever.
Just like an open office!

Theyre getting desperate...

alias fucking='sudo'

Now swearing at your terminal DOES fix problems.

Your OS is like a penis... Its fine to be proud of it, its fine to tell people about it. But its not fine to force it on other people...

Guys on CodePen are making battling Pikachus out of pure CSS and I'm just sitting here trying to get my navbar straight.

Client : Hey make me five page website with blabalabla blabla blabla blablablablablabla that should be easy for you! for 10$?
me : for 10$ i can create a new folder and thats it and i am not gonna call it project i will name it asdaddaddadsas!

I started learning php at age 15, copying code from tutorials, changing stuff until it worked. Now 10 years later I still copy code from tutorials and change stuff until it works...

I would really like to have a devrant client for linux (CLI ONLY).

So I can cron-rant

re·fucked·or
[rəˈfəktˈôr]
VERB
To refactor code into a state much worse than when you started. It is often accompanied by files containing many lines of code, usually with an obscene amount of nesting.

That weird moment when you get an error "please contact your administrator" and then you realize that you are the administrator..

!rant

I love gitlab but what's up with merge requests taking forever.

I'm not the waiting kind. Smash a keyboard or something.

-Sent a proposal to a client in September
-Client's virtual assistant replies this October
-Virtual assistant interviews me through chat
-Every time he asks a question, I reply immediately; when I ask for clarifications on the project, he replies the next day.
-This went on for two weeks
-Finally, the assistant scheduled me for a meeting with the boss.
-Same thing happens. He replies the next day when I ask for clarifications because it appears the assistant is incompetent
-Finally both of them told me I am their guy
-I waited for a few more days for the contract. Nothing.
-I told them nicely, if you don't reply within this day, I'll withdraw my proposal.
-They didn't reply and I went to withdraw my proposal
-When they realized that, they kept harassing me through message saying I'm their guy. Please don't withdraw the proposal.
-Didn't reply and stood by my word

Some freakin clients don't know how valuable time is for developers. Fkn idiots.

Professionaly travelling the world sucks ass. It's loosing day and days on airports, railway stations, driving.... Then, completely exhausted, you must do your high-end job on command for a customer who already hates you from the moment you came in, because he knows your hourly rate.They do not realize it's the companies rate, not my wage. And when it's finished and running, it's considered normal...no need for a "thank you". Getting really tired of this shit :/

This will be done in two hours boss. A dev biggest lie.

One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.

There's nothing quite like having to listen to someone's condescending tone, all the while knowing that they're talking bollocks.

Go shit in your hands and clap.

First Helpdesk call of the day:

"My PC has been stuck on the same thing for an hour now. Its completely crashed."
"Does pressing ctrl alt delete do anything?"
"Where's that button?"
"Its 3 buttons - ctrl in the bottom left, alt beside the spacebar and delete over near the arrow keys. Press them all at the same time. Does it do anything?"
"No"
"Okay then, you need to manually power off the laptop then."
"How do i do that?"
"Hold down the power button"
"Where's that?"
"....on your laptop?! It's how you turn it on in the mornings?"
*60 seconds go by* "oh i see it. Ok i pressed it! Its Flashing blue now."
"Oh, no, just hold it down until everything goes black."
"The power button?"
"Yes."
"But that would turn off the entire PC?"
"Yes."
"Why do i have to do that?"

God help me if this is how my day is going to be 😢

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer ... oh wait, he does.

Last night I caught my girlfriend on my phone.....
Reading devRant..
I asked her what she was doing, she replied "I wanted to see what you spend all your time reading, some of this is actually pretty funny.."
❤

lol no job for you

Boss: we picked up a new client!
Me: nice!
Boss: They want the unfinished software we were working on that we planned to be done 2 months from now.
Me: even better!
Boss: They want it in 3 weeks.
Me:
Me:
Me: no.

Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.

I am more thankful to StackOverFlow and Google than I am to my university.

Job offers be like:
We need a VIRGIN with atleast 2 years EXPERIENCE of SEX...