Developer (master's degree, -bleeping- smart guy, no kidding) was bragging on how he made a piece of code 3x faster (with the usual pinch that the original dev was incompetent) and spent nearly 6 weeks working on it (wrote his own parallel-foreach library because Microsoft's parallel library was "too slow").
I was the original dev and he didn't know I had my own performance counters where I broke down each stack (database access, network I/O, and the code logic).
Average time was around 5ms (yes milliseconds) and worst case was around 10 seconds. His '3x improvement' was based on the worst test case, which improved by about a second. Showed our boss my graph (laughed out loud, said 'WTF', other curse words) and the dev hasn't spoken to me in weeks (I say 'hi' in the hall and he keeps walking)
Take that master's degree and high IQ and shove it.

Apparently this company doesn't know what HTML5 is or didn't care and decided to use the logo anyways...

correctly named devices

Check out this superb website that I made..

http://localhost:8080

I made an automatization bot for a big company from my town (freelance). Today I had to shut it down because I've been waiting 3 weeks for my payment (they only had 5 days after finishing development to pay)

Fuck the fucking client, fuck this fucking shit

I guess unix was made by pervs as I have to command it to Touch, Finger, Unzip, Strip, Mount, Fsck, Unmount and Sleep

Create branches with name of girls and later check them out.

*Trying to finish up this project I'm doing*

Me: "Fuck this shit I'm done shit doesn't work"

*non-dev girlfriend sits in front of computer*

GF: "I believe this line shouldn't be here it messes up what happens in the loop. Or atleast that's what it looks"

*checking it*

Me: "So what's your ring size again"

Manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

Dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}

Best story ever

This really happened to me yesterday at work.

Me: *walks into office*
Coworker: Hey Will, I got a question for you
Me: I...[read more]

I just wrote more than 140 char in a tweet, inspect the element and turn Enable = True on Tweet button.

The response was epic.

manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}

HTML + CSS

Evil developers on Stackoverflow

And that was enough encouragement

So I just had to teach my brother's 20 year old girlfriend that it's possible to connect to the Internet with a cable.

Marriage is basically deploying your relationship to production.