How documentation works

So the CEO of GitHub was at my office today. ⚡😃

First time I heard a client say: "You've done a phenomenal job, but you've over-delivered. You should have come to me. We could have worked it out." after we had to ask for an extension.
That's a keeper.

new rule in company

No headphones while coding

job hunting start......

Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"

-- 19 minutes later --

Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"

-- 2 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"

-- 5 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*

Before after 😂

I just found my favorite editor in the shelves for cleaning products and couldn't help but buy it 🙃 but I'm afraid that when I open it, I might not be able to ever close it again...

6 char

I like this kind of job...

Urrrgh

GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string

Linux: ls
Windows: fuck yourself sideways

Going to have to do multiple rants on this one as I've had three awesome teachers.

Number one: Linux teacher.

He was around his 40's to mid 40's I think and he loved talking to people who also had the same passion (linux) about it.

When we had Linux classes which everyone hated, he'd always let me free. He knew I'd be able to finish the 10 weeks' assignments within an hour or so (took me half an hour instead of 10 lessons) so he just said: go do whatever you want.

Aaaaand instead of doing my own thing I ended up saving the whole class.

Yeah he was a very open minded guy who was awesome with linux/the students.

Met a prostitute recently...

So, I saw this on Reddit, and I thought about sharing it here...

What do you think? It's somewhat accurate, or it can have some changes?

(The Chaotic Good made me chuckle 😂)

Shamelessly ripped off of /r/programmerhumor

As someone that's been a part of a number of startups also 100% accurate

Bloody fucking Crystal. Lame fucking excuse for a reporting engine product.
Can’t change data source from API for a report containing List of Values at runtime.
What the actual fuck! A reporting system where I can’t change the data source.
Die in hell you Fucking blood sucking leeches. Die of malaria!

me.children += 1;
^_^

What a nice way to begin the day

When people call something a bug, but it's just not finished yet.

So, after months of work and many painful night, i finaly learnt java and published my first android app. Yay!

Kind of dev related, during a Firefly one-shot roleplay:

GM: So you have a data chip in your pocket. Do you want to see what's on it?

Me (hesitant): ...Kinda. *wait* Okay, I put the chip into one of my computers.

GM: The data chip shows random gibberish--it's encrypted. Your engineer may know how to decrypt it.

Me: Okay. Hey, Engineer! *holds imaginary data chip out to her* Decrypt this!

Engineer: No. *pause*, *sighs* Fine. But we need to be careful.

GM: Yes, now time for technobabble...

Me: So once we decrypt this, it's probably going to look for the MAC address, so we need an air-gapped machine--a machine that's never been online before--and a TAILS LiveUSB. We'll decrypt the data chip and then destroy the computer.

GM: ...Technobabble.

Fighter: ....I actually understood that and it actually makes sense. Good job. *fist bump*

Coding gave me a way to express my creativity. It gave me meaning. When I was young I was constantly trying to find what I was good at. It's frustrating because I have one more year of uni doing what doesn't interest me.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I found what I want to do for the rest of my life 🐢.

TRUUUUUUUU

Who of you mastered awk and sed?

any dev pioneering techs here watched "black mirror". if didnt do it, it just might change your life and views about tech.

Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.

What do computers and air conditioners have in common?

They both become useless when you have windows open

😂😂

(For Linux & Mac enthusiasts)

Going on a vacation, so notify all clients that I won't be available during two weeks.

Client: well we have this huge presentation and here's a list of stuff we absolutely need for it
Me: sure I have a look.
Me: holy shit dude! That's gona take about 2-3 days. I'm leaving soon!
Client: it's realy critical to have them in a week as it's a very important presentation! Is there any way you can make it work? If we can do anything to help, just name it.
Me: well I'll do my best (planed 1 day for such rhings)
Me: *pulling a 15h day*
Me: here, all done budy! Did a 15h but now it's done, so do that presentation!
Client: oh, nice, but it wasn't that urgent
Me: ...

Next day:
Client ssh in to the server, fucks shit up
Client: well I did a thing and now stage and prod is fucked, can you do anything?
Me: (knowing it will take 30min to fix) well... I try my best. Btw. I'll leave in a few hours and won't take my computer, so try not to fuck every thing again, okay?

* Me to a girl*
Me : Hey can I know your age?
Her: I can't tell the age like that!
Me: Oh! I see! Can I get your email address so that I can contact you later!
Her: priyanka1995@gmail.com

Me : —_(@_@)_—