In my company we developped a tool where we enter the average salary of all members of the meeting and then let a timer run which would show how much money the company spent on that specific meeting.
Needless to say that meetings were way shorter after that

Today users weren't able to sign up on our website in production.

The guilty code :

int ttl = 5256005760;

The first who find why will have a candy.

Everyone has a duck, meanwhile im using this.

404 wall not found

WRITE IN C ('LET IT BE')
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

If you put a UNIX shell to your ear, you can hear the C.

Holding a Linux install fest in college and being asked 'are laptops required?'. No. We're installing Linux in your brains.

When friends and family still think that because I write software ("do coding"), I work for Microsoft. Or that I'm the guy to fix anything that uses electricity.

So true!!!!

My girlfriend got bitten by a mosquito and kept scratching it.
After I complained about the size of the bite, she said "c'mon it's just a bit, not big enough to be a byte".
When I finished facepalming (it took a while), I realized how proud I am of her.

W...w...wha...whaaat?!

Whenever a language has a goto statement I can't resist :

On error goto hell
// code
Hell:
// error handling

The question of life

Just because I'm a programmer doesn't mean I'm some nerd that watches anime, relishes in video games, and spends more time around computers than around girls!

Even though that's all true...

Sometimes I wish I can control life like CSS.

Example: traffic{ float: left}