A group of programmers is called a merge conflict.

Found this somewhere and started crying

Thought Spotify had a bug for a moment.. Then i remembered how lame I am. -.-'

Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"

I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:

"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"

Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"

Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"

Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"

Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:

"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."

Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"

Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:

"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"

(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)

What is this behavior WFH?

(Video Call)

Boss: When will you send the report?

He: Have already mailed you

Boss: Your voice is breaking...

He: Have already mailed it

Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?

He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...

Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again

He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY

Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...

He: Aghh... NEVER.

Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????

He: ... *Silent*

Boss: ... *Silent*

He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)

Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.

localhost issued certificate...

java --version
FATAL: Unknown parameter

java -v
FATAL: Unknown parameter

*googles get java version*

java -version
openjdk version "1.8.0_252"

FUCK YOU

fuck this year seriously

OUCH!!!!

Code review titles by year:

1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist

Perfect meme

This is how you'd imagine a sysadmin.

(Stolen from Reddit)

Mechanical Calculator, 1936. The technology marvel of it's time.

>>signs up for GitHub student pack
>>Approved almost instantly
>>Looks at what's included
>>See a .me domain from namecheap is free
>>"yo that's lit. Lemme see if they have one I want"
>>Finds domain
>>"Good shit man. I'll finally have a reason to make my own website"
>>Go to checkout
>>Asks for school email address
>>Enters address
>>"it seems your University is not included in this."
>>Fuck me man

      

Even the big guys fuck up at times and it is ok.

Sometimes I put unnecessary pressure on myself when I fuckup simple tasks. But when I see the big guys fuck up too, it kind of makes me realise that it is ok to fuck up at times. That is the only way to learn.

Halloween funny meme

A nice shirt for Halloween

Such a relief

savage

They're getting lazier and lazier. Smh

Who else faced this 😂😂😂

That's a scary pumpkin

if ur gonna explain a brand new goddamn concept and make a goddamn course or a goddamn series out of it

then dont fcking goddamn copy and paste the godfuckingdamn code and just explain it

WRITE THE CODE AND EXPLAIN IT

Oh poor Libre😂

It's never a good sign when a team lead writes code like this

Even debugger can't beat this.

"Time to turn the pi off"

$ sudo shutdown now

* Laptop turns off *

🤦‍♂️

I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure out why this image wasn't aligning properly until, after 20 minutes, I figured out that it was actually aligned perfectly, my *absolute genius* client just uploaded a picture with a janky white border