Every day, the SM likes to come by the dev table and ask what our updates are (stalking jira + dev slack channel is apparently too boring).

He comes by every 2 hours.
Each time asking about how close I am to finishing not only the current feature but the other stories I have to work on too.

The other stores are not in progress, what makes you think I was working on them in the background of what I'm currently working on?

Doesn't help that we somehow keep adding stories mid sprint,

Me and the unofficial CTO (3rd party's CTO) are interviewing an ios dev. (I'm an android dev, btw)

CTO: In your view, would you find developing an ios app would be faster or at the same speed as an android dev?

Me: *shock*

Canidate: I've never developed on Android before, but I'd think it would be the same speed. We both need to make screens, views, and type code.

PC crashed while in the middle of a build, "ok, shit happens". Reboot, pc is super sluggy (a BSOD kinda does that, I guess). Reboot again and I check the event logs...I didn't find the problem, but at least my pc is sorry for whatever it was doing earlier.

I've been a Windows OS user for nearly 20 years, Mac OS user for nearly 2. (Java/ C# dev)
I've had more BSOD on the Mac than on Windows. I've had 2 today, once when opening the laptop after not touching it this weekend, second whole in a debug of an app.

"I don't think we should be playing with our privates {variables} like that" - framework designer

= context =
It was noticed that we have too many setter functions to change private variables just to do unit tests. So we had a small meeting to discuss what to do about this.
Options:
- don't do the test
- ignore till another time (ie: keep the functions till its a problem)
- put the variables into a provider
- use reflection (the above quote was a reaction to this option)

My father got a iphone 6 last week and has been raving about how much easier it is to use than his galaxy (doesn't understand what "android" is). Just found today that he's been using his previous phone for the alarm clock because he can't find it on his new phone.

I can't tell if this is a windows sourcetree problem or mercurial, but trying to do anything on this is a pain. Every action takes 3-4 seconds (including switching between history and working copy).

My project is 10 commits and 50 files, this is a horrible ux. Bazaar never had this many problems.

Over the weekend, I made the move to use a flash as a repository (don't need no wires to repo!). Felt that needing 12 MB to store less than 2 MB was a little bit high.
So I figured "simple fix, I'll just reformat the drive from 32Kb allocation to something less, like 4Kb".
After 30 seconds of a single copy/ paste, the transfer was complete. Checking the size... accidently clicked "4096 kilobytes" instead of "4096 bytes".

True = ((True === False) == False)

End result, true is true

I was on a 3 hour flight back home, guy next to me ask what I'm working on, I say it's a personal project. Somehow we get on the topic of "I wanna make an app which shows inspirational quotes on the screen whenever someone turns on the screen".
Also, he wants to make it for the iPhone.
Shortly after, I told him the flight was giving me a headache and it would be better if I slept the rest of the flight.

Today, an hour left of work, our team was brought to an all-hands meeting. 20 mins later, I learned why our team was so often left out when getting a 3rd dev.
Someone higher up decided to move our train to another part of the state (it's birth place was where it is now). And that same person decided to localize all teams on a train to the same location too... which means my team is getting killed. We have an estimated lifespan of a few months.

...and here I thought moving to an open floor plan was gonna be horrible. The new location is 200 miles north (an hour 30 via the free campus bus). This won't be a fun coming new year.

Mom: "so... you do things with the computer, but what do those things do?" or "I have no clue what you just said, but good luck with that"

Father: "couldn't you have gotten a real job? Like machining or warehouse management, where actual work can be seen rather than sitting on your &ss all day, typing on that keyboard"
- he changed his view real quick when I showed him my paycheck. ($3/ hr more than him)

Brother: "cool"

Ex-gf: "I hate you" (more because of my starting pay)

So, while working on a story, I noticed something which the lead dev did that is now giving me problems.... and he's offline while in another building.
Ok, I'll just contact our PM to see how much is due today (visual happy path only or API call is needed too)...same state as lead dev.
Scrum master, the person who's in charge of contacting anyone... no flipping clue where she's at.

It's great being on such a small team!

When I started this job 4 months ago, I was given a grace period of a week to "get into the groove of the code". I asked the lead dev where on pulse (intranet) the documentation was, he laughed and then resumed what he was doing. I shrugged it off and continued scrolling through the code.
A week later, working on a story, I'm stuck at why a particular function exists. I say "it would be nice if there was documentation, where is that anyway?". Lead dev replies, "one thing you should know about this company, there is no documentation unless it's API related".
Last month's retro, 80% of our (mine and lead dev) problems were related to a lack of kt, I laughed.

Chrome likes to count teleporting goats, Android tests if the user is a monkey. I like to put "void fish(object look)" in my code and throw the fish where ever I wanna test something.

What are some interesting functions you've added to your code? Has another dev caught your function yet? (mine hasn't been caught yet, yay!)

Last week, a story was discussed of moving code from one class to utilities class that 2 similar actives can use. I'm on 2-dev team (out of 4), and the lead dev was going out early for a convention. Originally he was gonna do it, until I realized 4 other stories depended on this one!

Today he came back, saw my work and got pissed. Said I changed too many things, unsure if the code will even work, that it wasn't "surgical" enough. Also complained that I extended both classes from the similar code class (which extends the first classes's original extended-by) instead of using an interface to a class where the similar code is... his title says lead dev, but he's only got age rank on me as far as I can tell.

If (true) {
// do else action instead
} else {
// fallback code
}

...no one else is in the pod, I "could" open a bottle, but I also have a deadline. X-o

Spent 2 hours last night (leaving an hour late) with the IT guy hunting down a problem that affected at least 12 other teams. It didn't crash the app, but did prevent MANY scripts from working, and thus nothing could be committed.
I found the culprit, made a solution, and posted in the email chain my solution. (it required a code review and a client-side update)
Someone responded asking for another dev to confirm my report. That dev did and them dumbed it down for those who can't understand programming talk. Then EVERY EMAIL after that thanked that dev for "fixing the root problem" and "solving their scripts".
And just now, the PO for the bug was replaced to that dev's team. (previously was my team's PO)