There is only one important rule to live by:

Never lend anyone your 256 GB USB-C/USB-B combo memory stick. There is a 100% scientifically-backed certainty that you will never, in your meager existence, see it again.

She contacted me via linkedn calling me by a first name. A first name that wasn't mine :/

I think its only reasonable that if I must show u my code during i terview process, I get to see some of the code that I'll get to work with if I'm hired.

Starting to think employers just straight up lie up everything..

Why do i need to find out about your shit code on the first day?!
Cutting edge tech my ass...

Me, whenever I attempt to use eyeliner...

(real talk, this is why I don't bother trying to use eyeliner)

I find this funny, idk

If you have to program in JavaScript, don't forget to drink water. Excessive crying could dehydrates your body very quickly.

Stackoverflow.

*Asks Question on StackOverflow
*Question get downvoted -2
*Replies to my own question with a solution that I found, and it worked
*Reply get downvoted -4

Cries on corner...

While watching season 2 of Star Trek Discovery, it was nice to learn SQL is alive and well in the 23rd century. Also, that there are still idiots that don't defend against injection on a warp-capable spaceship with transporter technology.

I look like fuehrer in 8 bit avatar...

Ok......

Terminal vs GUI

worst part of working in scrum: trying to remember what you worked on Friday for Monday morning's stand-up meeting.

I was asked by our tester and scrum master to ignore some failing unit tests yesterday. The tester literally said "no time for tests, we need the build now". The scrum master is also a tester and agreed. I dont think I can respect either of them as testers anymore.

During scrum, we have a remote QA Engineer who literally includes what she and her child do during her lunch breaks.

"Yesterday during lunch, little Jimmy and I went clothes shopping during lunch and I got him some new shirts and they're 100% cotton"

NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!

Scrum they said.

Credit from imgur

Scrum master: "I am the person, who should teach you about scrum"

My scrum team was discussing about how our workspaces are basically the size of a large coffin. Our scrum master then chimed in to try to calm everyone down and said they are much larger. Closer to the dimensions of a prison cell he says.

3 hours long Scrum Meetings

I work in a scrum team of 6 persons.
We have the same IP address and we get ads based on what everyone else was searching. Sometimes shit just gets akward

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a scrum master.

We have new scrum master. First meeting together.

Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?

Resume: experience in c, c++, java and Android.
Recruiter: DO YOU HAVE 10+ YEARS EXPERIENCE WITH SWIFT AND IOS??!!

Recruiter: this job is about dotNet and git.
Me: I never worked with dotNet before.
Recruiter: Okay, maybe we can get you in for git then.

FML!

The most useless response when asking for help:

”I’ve never had this issue.”

Can we rant about coworking spaces?

I like the coworking office concept and I love this desk I have for myself, I like this building, the supervisor is sweet and I made new clients here...

But I hate one of my "neighbours".

We have several office rules and he constantly breaks them.

No music allowed without headphones. Nope, gotta listen to shitty radio straight from the smartphone speaker.

No loud conferences or phone talks. Nah, let's set the volume to the max. And leave the phone behind and let it ring loudly forever.

You can only occupy one desk unless you rent more. In comes his coworker who keeps occupying an extra desk for free and who's as loud as he is. And bring the kids because hey, growing up bored inside a office is good for them.

And today's newest: no eating in the office. Coworker brought her kid who set up a -dinning table- on the extra desk and began eating her lunch leftovers. It wouldn't have been so bad and I wouldn't have noticed except the office was overflowed with the stench of overheated pasta.

This is a big office. I had to open the windows. I can still feel the smell. It's nauseating.

I didn't say anything because it's not the kid's fault they didn't take her to the building's canteen space. But at the risk of making enemies where I shouldn't, I need to have a "fun" talk with someone.

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

told the truth to client

"No problem mate, we can collect your data from a bazillion other places anyway"

First tatto things 😂