When you start a new job, the company holds a costume party shortly after and you are persuaded to wear a reporter costume with a mic which looks like a vibrator more than a mic, but you play along to be a good sport

When you manage a large project and 1 of the devs helping you is bitching about 10 mins daily status meeting "in other places it's not like that " ... Who the fuck cares , this is how I want it to be so unless you are going to do 50%of the work like I will then come to the meetings and stop bitching , it's just 10 mins dammit

Hey guys , will it be possible to download gif files from here ? I really want to share some on my company slack

Damn you Java 8 because of you my boss is not willing to hear anything about scala

Chuck Norris doesn't debug , he just stare down till the code confesses

How vulgar is your cussing since you became a dev , my commuter had become verbally abused child

Boss interviews an hot girl

Me:"well how was she ?"
Boss: " she doesn't even know loops"
Me: " I'll help her ! We can create many loops together "

Laughing about avoiding Windows update and publishing a meme about it on slack

Devops guy runs a remote cmd to my computer to restart and update

Me waiting for 30 mins

Conclusions : " avoid it silently"

When people tap my shoulder even when I'm without headphones I get into a super rage like dude... Why the hell are you touching me

When I plan to go home and some1 says we need an hot fix from me

How many times a day do you guys get interrupted ? Sometimes I just want to place a huge sign over my head saying "NO! Fuck off"

I hate dealing with time Zones issues fucking hate it , everything should be utc and that's it , Dammit !

" your mom is what we call in our field - a shared resource " - when some1 pisses you off

Don't ever give you work mail when you create an account to download a profiler , that decision is chasing me for the last 4 years , stalking saleswoman even came to the office without letting us know and nowadays I get freak mails from them

When coworkers think the kitchen is a place to have personal conversations and close it's door - obnoxious when you want to get a cup of coffee in the company public place .....

Ever had a coworker who thinks you are his driver ? I mean it's cool that you want a ride and I'm willing to help but every single day ? I don't even like him

I hate dumb ass meetings that have nothing to do with me but people invite me just for the kicks

When an analysts opens a ticket about a wrong result csv file but instead of putting the actual file there , he puts a screen shot of it

I am all for implementing it

When you are super hungry and your buddy tells you " just few more minutes "

When a developer sees a pm it's like a bull seeing red , especially a day before delivery

Ever had people asking you to fix their smart phones because " you know computers" and then you go with " you have a broken scream and no sound , I'm a Software engineer , explain to me how can I fix it "

Then they respond " I don't know , you are the expert , aren't you ?

When you get a dinner for 2 gift for all the hard work you put in the last week and realize you don't have any woman to go with because of it

When a data scientist thinks that if his algorithm is o(n) then it's really o(n) and it doesn't matter that he placed synchronized everywhere , connected to the db multiple time with huge in memory ops inside the transaction , wrote a file and downloaded something with http client . After all it's o(n) right mister I'm a scientist genius ?!?!?

Seeing an exception with no stack trace , emailing every1 how dumb it is , a week later another 1 , i already found where they were thrown and who did it after revealing history and I'm going to call chuck Norris on him

Any else here is allergic to data analysts?

People who ask a question on stackOverflow and comment a minute later with " it's cool I solved it " are the biggest ass holes in the whole world , come on... How about sharing so some1 else might find your post helpful ... 😡

First question in a job interview should be " when you are not familiar with a certain code do you use find-usage or freak out like a little girl" - I have a coworker that freaks out and makes me crazy

//TODO - I will probably never do anything about it but I will Put this thing here just to make myself feel like some day I will