XCode = Expect the unexpected!

QA Engineer walks into a bar
Orders a beer
Orders 0 beers
Orders 999999999 beers
Orders a lizard
Orders -1 beers
Tries to exit without paying

Found this gem in code review today:
$stringValue = (string)-5;

I'm sending you the codebase now, but don't open it in anything above Xcode 4 or else it breaks

Friday oh yeah!

When you go to a new company and hear this in a companywide meeting... " we do rolling restarts twice a week it's just the nature of doing Java"

When you get expensive stuff for free because you're old college email still works.

My big grievances when doing code reviews, lots of code reviews....

Constants. How difficult is to create constants files for reuse and readability?

Comments/java doc. I don't get any help by seeing this is an automatically generated block to get by check style.

*slap*

I got 99 problems but a missing semi-colin makes them 132.

Oh yeah 🙌🏼

Well ... Thats true!

At every family outing (I was typing "family function" but that may confuse this audience..

Uncle: That Mark Facebook guy is worth billions now! And the Twitter guy too. When are you going to think of something?

Me: You think of a unique idea, I'll build it.

Uncle: I don't know, that's what you do isn't it?

Me: *sigh*

(This is the same Uncle that shares "Free Holiday" posts on FB and is always quick to answer FB questions such as "I bet you can't name a fruit starting with A"...)

"Changed HTML" has got to be the best commit message ever... Especially when the commit is mostly .cs files.

I said "I'll definitely have this feature done by Friday" that was two weeks ago.

Account Manager Brief Template

"We haven't confirmed any of the desired functionality, but we (the AM and the Client) have decided that it must be built in [INSERT CMS/FRAMEWORK/TECH OF THE WEEK HERE]."

Having to check a 5,000 line PR makes me sad :(

Rest in hell IE8, 9 & 10

"Working with legacy code that hasn't been touched in 2 years is fun!!" said no one ever.

Python: I heard you like importing stuff explicitly, so I made sure you had to import every mother-fucking thing you need. Even the things that you obviously need and couldn't possibly do anything without.
What's that? You want more import statements than actual code? Look no further than Python, my friend. At least it scales, amirite?

99 problems but a conflict ain't one

Just took Google up on their beta-testing offer for Android N.

Instant regret.

If actions didn't have consequences then sprint planning would make for an excellent nap time. 💤

when the comments in code directly contradict what the code is actually doing.

Why does the blowjob-under-the-table-while-hacking scene from Swordfish never happen to me.

Happy Friday everyone