If programmers went on a permanent strike civilized world would be back to 18th century within a month. We need a union.

When you properly comment your code.

I'll take home.

I was trying to get some cash from an ATM. Instead of vending bank notes as it should, this happened...

I still need that cash...

Me: you should not open that log file in excel its almost 700mb
Client: its okay, my computer has 4gb ram
Me: *looking at clients computer crashing*
Client: the file is broken!
Me: no, you just need to use a more memory efficient tool, like R, SAS, python, C#, or like anything else!

Best prank on me: Airborne under my chair rigged to go off when I sit.

Best prank I pulled: Recorded my laugh and assigned it as everyone's office ringtone. I still have co-workers check their phone when I laugh.

Comic Sans in IDE

So this happened at work today....

Not getting paid on time AGAIN

Kiss your server goodbye until I'm paid i guess

How to upgrade your mac
Source: http://9gag.com/gag/avrwNqM/...

Valentine Programming :(

My work keyboard is slim and quiet, 45 wpm.

Replaced it with my clickity clackety keyboard, 70 wpm and made the hipsters move away from me.

#Winning

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another.

A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?"

"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer."

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors".

Time to hide an easter egg in my code

Coincidence?

Joining an old project

Not again...

!rant

Finally found an app she can't quit! Vim!

Here's an idea.
Make a virus called nudes
Everyone that says "Send Nudes"
I will send them "nudes"

Respect mate.
Credits its foss

The best prank played in our office was an AutoHotkey script that changed the space character to actually print the word 'space' in all caps.

The next message in Hipchat from the victim was: "WhatSPACEtheSPACEfuck!SPACEMySPACEkeyboardSPACEisntSPACEworking!"

The next time this prank was pulled, ALL symbols were typed out in all caps.

Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....

- awkward silence -

I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.

Karma ♋️

You say: "We added AI to our product"
I hear: "We added a bunch more IF statements to our codebase"

It's getting pretty serious. :D

Oh! no my Windows boots fast like a Mac. There must be an error.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just told my girl about GitHub.
Told her that it was something like PornHub. She's mad now.😂

# I'll show myself out

Well at-least now I know why I haven't been able to login.