My project manager, after 11 years of experience.
"What is the svn function replace?"
He used svn for more than 4 years at the very least.

You get to work, things have broken down in the night, you have no access to production or even test environment and you have to guess why. You do the same job as somebody in other countries for less pay while everyone else has this laid back approach where the time they actually spend working is negligible. Until the sheer amount of entropy in your organization wears you down and you just become part of the problem.

Today I finally proved that a pre-existing component was overwriting the output of my component. It only took 3 months to find out the proof of it.

Two days ago I wrote the deployment instructions. 5 lines. I sent them to the devops four days before the release (two days before usual).
A colleague of mine leashed out and had me send another message to say to ignore my instructions because they "generated too much entropy" he is releasing too his application and we should create a single instruction file. Okay, I see no reason to do that nor how that helps the devops. A longer file is not easier to understand than a smaller one.
Today the devops deploy our application. They make a backup of the new files and promptly overwrite the original copies with the files from production.
I lost 3 hours today. My colleague is refusing to communicate the error properly to the devops and I have a meeting in 20 minutes. I love my job.

My boss just now: "In a 32 bit machine the memory limit is 1.6 GB. After that programs routinely crash."

What really happens IMO? He writes programs that crash when they reach 1.6 GB allocated and the architecture is 32 bit. But it's a limit of his software, not one of the OS.

Today my boss sent me something that smelled fishy to me. While he was trying to simulate Excel's rounding he faced what was to him unexpected behaviour and he claimed that one constructor of the BigDecimal class was "wrong".
It took me a moment why this was happening to him and I identified two issues in his code.
I found one fo the issues funny and I would like to present you a challenge. Can you find a number that disproves his claim?
It's Java if anyone was wondering.

double d = 102.15250;

BigDecimal db = new BigDecimal(d)
.setScale(3, BigDecimal.ROUND_HALF_EVEN);

BigDecimal db2 = new BigDecimal(String.format("%f",d))
.setScale(3, BigDecimal.ROUND_HALF_EVEN);

BigDecimal db3 = BigDecimal.valueOf(d)
.setScale(3, BigDecimal.ROUND_HALF_EVEN);

System.out.println(db); // WRONG! 102.153
System.out.println(db2); // RIGHT! 102.152
System.out.println(db3); // RIGHT! 102.152

P.s. of course the code itself is just a simple check, it's not how he usually writes code.
P.p.s. it's all about the numerical representation types.

My project manager just had a project review at a bar because there was no space at the office. There are literally so many people at the office that we're out of chairs. And space. In a few days three more developers are scheduled to arrive. I don't know where we will put them.

Guys. Seriously. Get a grip. I get it. The new laws are not perfect. Some will even say that they suck. But you cannot tell me that the current laws were okay and covered all bases on copyright. Getting it under control is a process and it will require us as citizens to make meaningful choices with our votes. But simply repealing the law outright is not necessarily the best choice. We need to get a good idea on what is right and just, what is legitimate and then criticize the law. Being against it because it's a trending topic is not cool. It's moronic. E.g. Wikipedia won't die over this. Public content won't die over this. Some content will be more restricted because the copyright owner wants it to be. The implementation will be difficult but this does not mea that it will hurt liberties of the citizen. If anything quite the opposite. It's kind of amusing seeing people call privacy i to this. Privacy laws are unchanged. I'm all in favor of activism (and hacktivism) but let's do it right.

Today my boss decided that he wanted to manage his project properly. After a year he gave us deadlines (we still had deadlines but usually we did not know them). I open the xlsx file (yeah... xlsx) and I see the date of today as deadline. Well, at least it won't be a surprise this time.