“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Very accurate :p

Thanks EU.

Schrödinger’s semicolon

Source: reddit r/programming

Alice you need to open source the project

I am not expert but what kind of UX writing is this.
Do they think this is cool ?

I'm no longer quitting with formal letters.

Every now and then... try this.

Fellow devs can understand...

Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

Friend: *deletes something from the internet*
"Thank god, now it's gone forever!"

Me: *Laughs in French*
"Hahahaha!"

Friend: "What?"

Me: "No, I'm pretty sure almost everything you put on the internet stays on the internet."

Friend: "ARE YOU STUPID??! The button says fucking DELETE. What else would it to do? Please use your brain for once."

Me: "You realize that text in the button is just a string right?"

Friend: *Looks confused*
"Stop trying to be such a smartass. Why would it be called 'delete' if it doesn't delete? Your logic make no sense whatsoever."

Me: *Makes quick simple app in order to prove my point*

App has 4 buttons:

-Play Music: Shows a picture of a dog

-Stop Music: Starts playing music video of Never gonna give you up

-Close App: Changes the interface to a random color

-Delete App: Pop up that says "The app has been deleted"

Friend: *Installs and tries the app*
"Dude! Did you even test your app before sending me?? Your buttons are broken as hell. None of them works. They all do things they're not supposed to do. How do you even call yourself a programmer? Sorry dude, nothing personal but this app sucks."

Me: *I need a new friend*
*sigh*

What is considered best practice for code indentation? When I'm working with HTML and Javascript my rule of thumb is 2 spaces for indentation, and with Java and Python it's 4 spaces.

Also I'm trying to break my bad habit of mixing tabs and spaces. It's messing with the laws of physics.

- Her : How’s your life going?

- Me :

Those LAN port splitter are getting out hand

So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

Machine Learners :D

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

Got the shit?

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

When someone says that he defended ddos attack!

Happy SysAdmin day ... even if I’m wondering if sysadmins can be happy.

Source : xkcd (of course...)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After years of game dev!

Me 3 years ago watching someone use git on terminal: woaah is he a hacker???

Me now: *types git status, press enter* *repeat 3 times*
Non Programmer friend: cool! are you hacking?
Me: Nope. Just forgot what I was trying to do

tester- there's a bug.
dev- no, that's a feature.
t- no, that's a bug,
dev- oops

Consider this

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

I am so glad that i learned at middleschool how to use excel😂

~TCP~
A: SYN
B: ACK/SYN
A: ACK

~The French~
A: Ça va ?
B: Ça va / Ça va ?
À: Ça va

Unambiguity scores:
TCP - 1
French - 0