99 little bugs in my code,
99 little bugs in my code,
Take one down, patch it around,
100 little bugs in my code.

*i am a teenager*

*i don't have credit card*

*can't buy anything*

*sees unixstickers is $1*

*pulls out a dollar from physical wallet*

*throws in the air*

*cries*

Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.

Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"

CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"

Me: "Uh... so?"

CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"

Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"

Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.

CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"

Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"

Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"

CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"

Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"

What a stupid configuration of firewall at my work:

devrant -> blocked because of entertainment category.
xvideos -> no problem at all.

Conclusion: sysadmin likes watching porn.

*code doesn't work*

-Run three times, just to be sure
-Its NOT the code, must be the project. Full rebuild.
-Run a few more times after rebuild didn't fix it.
-Google the issue.
-Stackoverflow must be wrong. The code is JUST like their solution.
-Run a few more times, but with your lucky underpants
-Reboot. Must be an operating system thing.
-Tea break. Give the issue time and it will fix itself.
-Run a few more times. Still unfixed
-Contact customer support.
-Walmart said they can't help.
-Consider writing your own language without this OBVIOUS flaw
-Kickstarter for c++++
-Raise $50,000
-Start a family
-Contact customer support again
-Run a few more times
-Now banned from Walmart
-Oh shit, missing a semicolon

My senior dev, shortens “analytics” into “anal” variables. Iam literally dying while Reading through the code!

Tinder experience so far

Girl: "hey, what do you do?"

Me: "im a programmer"

Girl:

Me: "and you?"

Girl:

Me: "... hello?"

*Suddenly unmatch*

Total garbage

I got the job😄

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

Thank you @dfox

Glad I could help with the .com domain!

Oh sh*t

Point of view for today!

Since I discovered devRant, looks like I stopped using instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

I love this community so much!!
It even has functions facebook and instagram doesn’t have!

Thank you @dfox and all the others! Hope it continues like this!

Thanks devrant!

Life saver

Hi guys, i'm new here!

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

Once I failed captcha 4 times in a row. My colleagues told me: "Update your firmware, RoboCop"

Me: *busy doing dev stuff with my laptop*

Sis: *looks at my to-do stickies* Hey, what's Log4j?

Me: *without looking away from my screen* it's a library.

Sis: oh, cool! Where is it? Do you have a membership?

Me: Ha-Ha. This is going on devRant.

Linux : Born to Be Root
Windows : Born to Re Boot

While reviewing some DB work, I asked why most of the tables in the database didn't have indexes (some didn't even have primary keys).

He answered: "Well I thought they really didn't neeeeeeed them?"

What did I do wrong ?

Debian sysadmin?

Technical meeting

We were at technical meeting a while ago, they discussed our infrastructure implementation, all was good.

Then some motherfucker of our technicians, suggested that we should move to bitbucket, I fought fiercely to don't even think about leaving bitbucket.

Suddenly the cock swallowers bosses agreed to bitbucket, they submit their changes.

10 min after the meeting i broke into the biggest boss room, gave him my resignation letter, I just told him, signing your acceptance to move to bitbucket, you should sign this too.

Boom, assholes.
I'm free now.

Man, that's a pretty serious SQL warning..

When frontend is ready before backend

Just ordered my rubber duck. It'll be here in 2 to 3 business days...

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

Just scrolled down my list of rants

I didn't even notice how much I've posted already
I like devrant, a lot