Details
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AboutI am inovative and I like to write computer programs and applications for android.
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SkillsHTML, CSS, PHP, Java(Android development), C++, Python, Pascal(Object and Console), Visual Basic, Arduino programming and work with electronics
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LocationSerbia
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Website
Joined devRant on 6/19/2018
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The website was down.
She called me 5 or 6 times and mailed me twice that amount, asking how long it would take to get back up. Each time I answered that I did not know, that it was my job to figure out what was wrong, and that solving a problem doesn't have a fixed duration.
What I thought was that the updates on her emotional state of regret were not helping me to resolve the issue and cost me time. Why do people inflate the price of things they are going to pay for by asking for what cannot be known?
In the end it was just a shitty shared host having flipped some switches. It was their own damn fault for picking it over our recommended provider that keeps us informed about all them switches. Such as disallowing SymLinks overnight.1 -
Love when the client knows more than you and tells you to create a report on an imaginary tool they are 100% sure it exists because their friend is an SEO expert and thinks all pages should be running at a 100 percent on lighthouse. Fml.2
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Date of doom... they forgot the double quotes...
(btw. $dateString is in the form "1234-10-11")
The fun part is that this comparison fails because $dateString is not numeric (due to "-") thus won't be (non-strictly) equal to 0 (int).
Damn fuucking amateurs... all hacks no skill.10 -
Tomorrow I'm forced to attend an in person "advanced SQL training", nothing against SQL or my company's good intentions but it's naive to expect which people would retain much after a single, super intensive 8 hour session.3
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Buffer usage for simple file operation in python.
What the code "should" do, was using I think open or write a stream with a specific buffer size.
Buffer size should be specific, as it was a stream of a multiple gigabyte file over a direct interlink network connection.
Which should have speed things up tremendously, due to fewer syscalls and the machine having beefy resources for a large buffer.
So far the theory.
In practical, the devs made one very very very very very very very very stupid error.
They used dicts for configurations... With extremely bad naming.
configuration = {}
buffer_size = configuration.get("buffering", int(DEFAULT_BUFFERING))
You might immediately guess what has happened here.
DEFAULT_BUFFERING was set to true, evaluating to 1.
Yeah. Writing in 1 byte size chunks results in enormous speed deficiency, as the system is basically bombing itself with syscalls per nanoseconds.
Kinda obvious when you look at it in the raw pure form.
But I guess you can imagine how configuration actually looked....
Wild. Pretty wild. It was the main dict, hard coded, I think 200 entries plus and of course it looked like my toilet after having an spicy food evening and eating too much....
What's even worse is that none made the connection to the buffer size.
This simple and trivial thing entertained us for 2-3 weeks because *drumrolls please* none of the devs tested with large files.
So as usual there was the deployment and then "the sudden miraculous it works totally slow, must be admin / it fault" game.
At some time it landed then on my desk as pretty much everyone who had to deal with it was confused and angry, for understandable reasons (blame game).
It took me and the admin / devs then a few days to track it down, as we really started at the entirely wrong end of the problem, the network...
So much joy for such a stupid thing.18 -
Hey folks, I've just launched the https://okso.app - it is a drawing app that you may use to express, grasp, and organize your thoughts and ideas.
One key feature there is that you may organize your drawings/sketches into a hierarchical tree structure so that a large amount of data would be more manageable and less overwhelming.
I hope you find this app useful!10 -
I asked my boss for a raise. Since we're data scientists, I basically plotted a column chart showing that he was paying me half of the european average. I said I was willing to negotiate but he was very 'discomfortable'.
Time to go find another job. Or second one 😭6 -
How to profesionally say: you fucking illiterate and incompetent piece of shit, I am tired of spoonfeeding you because you dont use your fucking brain. I am fucking tired of explaining same concept over and over again for the past 2-3 months. Open fucking google for once and lookup latest practices, and learn what functional programming is and learn how to use operators instead of fucking inventing wheel again and again with your 100 lines boilerplate of code functions. Open your fucking mind for once and lookup stuff for yourself, instead of asking me to explain everything for the 100th time you lazy fuck. Oh and stop asking me "to be nice", this is gaslightling. I am being professional and I am the only person in this company who actually tolerates u on some level, others are just avoiding you you useless piece of shit. If I need to explain something for 5th time and I make you feel bad, it means you should feel bad. So maybe grow some balls and start putting in some effort, instead of playing the victim when you are the supposed 6 year senior and I am the 3 year junior, who has to do your fucking job half of the time. You are incapable of even using the standard architecture, what you use is fucking 6-7 years old. Fucking code monkey with broken english who doesnt understand what hes doing. You dont like my methods? I dare you to schedule an appointment between me and manager or your useless techlead, but I know you wont do that because I know you are afraid of everyone finding out how incompetent you are. You low fruit hanging task licking incompetent shit.1
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🦫Me a kid: I hope some day I will earn enough $ to by a cool-ass PC and play games on highest graphics presets
🤡Me an adult: I sure did earn enough $ to afford a cool-ass PC though it is a shame that I cannot find time & energy to play games9 -
THOSE FUCKING DUMBASSES BOUGHT _THEMSELVES_ A SERVICE THAT COSTS 599 A MONTH, BUT US DEVS AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE ONE THAT COSTS 30 A MONTH?!?!?!
FUCK.
YOU!!!!!!!!
saving money my ass!!!!
the absolute insolence of these fools...
just rudely stated this in a message to the managers, let's see what weak excuse the clowns return...7 -
Beginners be like, "First rule of programming, If it works don't touch it". But experts will be like "Why does it work?". That's why they are called experts.10
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REDIS: Great for cloud, will fuck up your local disk if too many write operations per second.
DynamoDB: WTF 10Mb should not be "too large for a single record"!!
SPARK: NEVER CONNECT IT TO A DATABASE! Wasted A LOT of cluster time. Also, can you be LESS specific on exactly what are the bugs in my code? 'cause I don't think it's possible.
NPM: can't install a package for shit. tried it waaaay to many times.
Makefiles: Just fuck you.
WSL1: breaks more often than a glass hammer.
Python >= 3.6: FUCK ENCODINGS!!
Jupyter: STOP MESSING UP WHILE SAVING!
Living is to collet bugs, it seems.4 -
Manager: Please make that text in plane white.
FullStackClown: Oooo, that's a tough one. What's plane white?
Manager: Are you serious? You literally don't know what the color white is?
FullStackClown: Well sure I know what white is, but I'm not sure what plane white is, there are dozens of airliners, and I'm sure they all have slightly different shades of what they are using for their light color in branding...
Manager: ...
FullStackClown: ...12 -
There once was a bright young engineer who was hired by a company to design their new light ship.
Like 50 seconds after getting inside the company, the engineer was approached by a douchebag in a business suite.
"Hey, can you make us a mock up of the ship's design in the next hour or so? Nothing fancy, it must be very simple! To not overcomplicate it! Just a simple mock up so we can all see what are we talking about in this project! Please do not overthink this!"
The engineer, young and naive, just folded some piece of paper and gave the douchebag a paper boat.
"Fantastic! That's all we need for the presentation for the investors!"
A couple hours later the suite was back screaming.
"YOUR FUCKING FARSE! YOUR SHITTY SHIP EMBARRASED US ALL! THE VERY MOMENT OUR CEO TRIED TO STEP ON IT IT SANK! YOU ARE FIRED AND WE WILL SUE YOU FOR INCOMPETENCE! I ASKED YOU SOMETHING SIMPLE AND YOU CAME UP WITH THIS OVER ENGINEERED PIECE OF CRAP, YOU SON OF A.. [many, maaany expletives suppressed for brevity sake]"
This is how I feel everytime someone asks for "a tiny change" or some "very simple solution".
If it was so simple that it could be done in such short notice, than why the fuck do it at all, instead of buying it? I heard people sell all sorts of things in the internet nowadays. Software fucking included.5 -
Family reaction story to me being a dev?
- My dad still refers to my profession as 'something in computers'.
- My older sister goes to her weirdo friends for technical advice because she thinks all I do is fill paper in printers (that's a long TL;DR story about a phone upgrade)
- My brother, a car mechanical genius thinks what I do is near God-like. He also races cars and can blabber on about the physics, aero-dynamics, weight ratios, etc and says "Oh, no way. I'm too stupid to do what you do." Then I'm like, "Dude, shut up, I can barely change my oil and you could replace an engine blindfolded", then he just laughs "Yea, probably."
- Baby sister just wants me to fix her phone. "Can you make <insert some random app> do <insert a random behavior the app was never designed to do>?". I'm like "Uh no, I didn't write Instagram", then she's like "I thought you went to school for computers?".
- My mom passed way (long battle with cancer). I'm sure she'd be proud, but still asking me to how to switch the channel so she could watch a movie on the VCR.
I can clearly see having this conversation with my mom.
Me: "Mom, why are you still using a VCR? I bought you a subscription to Netflix"
Mom: "Net what? Do I turn the dial to channel 2 or 3?"
Me: "No, its the Netflix button on the remote."
Mom: "Can't you come over and do this? I just want to watch my shows. Didn't you go to school to learn these things?"
Me: "No mom, that's not...um...never mind. I'll be right over."17 -
Ok story of my most most recent job search (not sure devRant could handle the load if I was to go through them all)
First a little backstory on why I needed to search for a new job:
Joined a small startup in the blockchain space. They were funded through grants from a non-profit setup by the folks who invented the blockchain and raised funds (they gave those funds out to companies willing to build the various pieces of the network and tools).
We were one of a handful of companies working on the early stages of the network. We built numerous "first"s on the network and spent the majority of our time finding bugs and issues and asking others to fix them so it would become possible, for us to do what we signed up for. We ended up having to build multiple server side applications as middleware to plug massive gaps. All going great, had a lot of success, were told face to face by the foundation not to worry about securing more funds at least for the near term as we were "critical to the success of the network".
1 month later a bug was discovered in our major product, was nasty and we had to take it offline. Nobody lost any funds.
1-2 months later again, the inventor of the blockchain (His majesty, Lord dickhead of cuntinstein) decided to join the foundation as he wasn't happy with the orgs progress and where the network now stood. Immediately says "see that small startup over there ... yeah I hate them. Blackball them from getting anymore money. Use them as an example to others that we are not afraid to cut funds if you fuck up"
Our CEO was informed. He asked for meetings with numerous people, including His royal highness, lord cockbag of never-wrong. The others told our CEO that they didn't agree with the decision, but their hands were tied and they were deeply sorry. Our CEO's pleas with The ghost of Christmas cuntyness, just fell on deaf ears.
CEO broke the news to us, he had 3 weeks of funds left to pay salaries. He'd pay us to keep things going and do whatever we could to reduce server costs, so we could leave everything up long enough for our users to migrate elsewhere. We reduced costs a lot by turning off non essential features, he gave us our last pay check and some great referrals. That was that and we very emotionally closed up shop.
When news got out, we then had to defend ourselves publicly, because the loch ness moron, decided to twist things in his favour. So yeah, AMAZING experience!
So an unemployed and broken man, I did the unthinkable ... I set my linkedin to "open to work". Fuck me every moronic recruiter in a 10,000 mile radius came after me. Didn't matter if I was qualified, didn't matter if I had no experience in that language or type of system, didn't matter if my bio explicitly said "I don't work with X, Y or Z" ... that only made them want me more.
I think I got somewhere around 20 - 30 messages per week, 1 - 2 being actually relevant to what I do. Applied to dozens of jobs myself, only contacted back by 1, who badly fucked up the job description and I wasn't a fit at all.
Got an email from company ABC, who worked on the same blockchain we got kicked off of. They were looking for people with my skills and the skills of one other dev in the preious company. They heard what happened and our CEO gave us a glowing recommendation. They largely offered us the job, but both of us said that we weren't interested in working anywhere near, that kick needing prick, again. We wanted to go elsewhere.
Went back to searching, finding nothing. The other dev got a contract job elsewhere. The guy from ABC message me again to say look, we understand your issues, you got fucked around. We can do out best to promise you'll never have to speak to, the abominable jizz stain, again. We'll also offer you a much bigger role, and a decent salary bump on top of that.
Told them i'd think about it. We ended up having a few more calls where they showed me designs of all the things they wanted to do, and plans on how they would raise money if the same thing was to ever happen to them. Eventually I gave in and signed up.
So far it was absolutely the right call. Haven't had to speak to the scrotum at all. The company is run entirely by engineers. Theres no 14 meetings per week to discuss "where we are" which just involves reading our planning tool tickets, out loud. I'm currently being left alone 99% of the week to get work done. and i'm largely in-charge of everything mobile. It was a fucking hellhole of a trip, but I came out the other side better off
I'm sure there is a thought provoking, meaningful quote I could be writing now about how "things always work out" or that crap. But remembering it all just leaves me with the desire to find him and shove a cactus where the sun don't shine
.... happy job hunting everyone!10 -
Dev: You’ll want to store money values such as $2001.01 as 200121 when using javascript.
Manager: Why? That’s stupid.
Dev: Javascript doesn’t behave with decimals the way you think. It’ll show up as $2001.01000001 when you least expect it
Manager: Well I’ve never had that issue before! Besides that’s only a fraction of a cent off, that won’t even matter!
Dev: … literally the plot of office space but ok21 -
So I was code reviewing this guy's code before merging into the master branch.... and then I FOUND THIS FUCKING CODE, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck is this ???66