Been looking around ways to improve devrant's user experience a little, Idk whether you guys like it or not.. Just a suggestion 😂

if I got it right, this is how internet troubleshooting was programmed

Sad story!
She : i am breaking up with you because I love another guy.
Me : since when?
She : 6 months.
He : why you didn't tell me then?
She : we have updated our privacy policy!!

I’ve finally gotten a desktop for work. So I don’t have to use my own mbp.

I think I’ve got enough screens, for now.
What annoys me is that none of them are same type, size or brightness

Often saying fuck it when I've got a project and I kind of really need to use git but I'm not good with it so I just go back to good old scp again 😅

Design team: "Is it okay if I put this here?"

Me: "No, it's not okay if you put that there."

Design team: "Are you sure? It'd be really cool if I could put that there."

Me: "No, I will need to fuck with a lot of things if you put that there, just put it in the bootstrap columns."

Design team: "Hold on, lemme see if it's okay to put that there."

Lead-dev: "He's right, you shouldn't put that there."

Company: "We should have a meeting to discuss where the design team can and can't put things."

Lead-dev: "Just put the things in the middle and devide them in these twelve columns on seperate rows, 'kay?"

Company: "Okay, the design team will now put the thing in those things, right design team?"

Design team: "Yes, we agree to putting the thing where we should put the thing."

Me: "So where do you want the thing now?"

Design team: "I want it all the way to the right, outside of the container, that'd look cool."

Me: "Fuck you."

I sent a professional letter to my boss telling him that i will leave after 15 days. He replied saying :
" stop that bullshit "

I wish the internet would drop support for emoji. Its fucking impossible to tell what anyone means anymore.

there's this thing I've noticed...

º the more interesting DEV task I'm working on, the more I forget to eat (sometimes at all @9-5)

º the more boring/repelling DEV task I'm working on, the more snack breaks I take

Am I alone here?
Does that mean exciting DEV (only?) work is more likely to keep you fit and boring tasks are dragging you to obesity?

Basically my life:
1. Work
2. Game
3. Work on a project nobody will ever use
4. Food
5. Make offensive jokes about WW2

When the infinite layers of upper management and committees don't trust the ones in the battlefield, are too paranoid and disconnected from reality. They are the ones blocking and preventing the release.

Otherwise, we devs are on schedule, almost no bug left.

At a meeting, supress the instinct to throw a whiteboard eraser to the customer.

No Mr. Uber, I don't want anyone even my family to know when I am riding nor I want to know when they ride.

Javascript is McDonald's.

1) everyone says they hate it....but they just keep going back.

2) very few people admit they keep gong back...

3) When McDonald's started doing salads, dressing nice, and delivering to tables it seemed a little much, you're a burger place. A few years later I'm writing my app in react JS, serving up eJS templates with my NodeJS server, running off a NOSQL JSon database, and munching down a Greek salad from McD's.

4) you start your burger (project) with high hopes. As you eat though....you start to regret it, but oh well, you're halfway in. By the end, never again, last time. A little while later, npm asks you if you'd like fries with that.

Feel free to disagree or add more!

Just got my first RedBubble shirt 😍

Loving i3 & vim for my dev enviroment

Yeah! Finally got bird on my shoulder! A bluebird.js 🐦

When you release your first plugin for vscode and you just see it grows and grows yeserday was 350 downloads and now it's almost 700!

Now that's a great feeling and it seems I was helping people! \0/

Friend: OMG are you hacking ?

[sudo apt-get update] running

Me: Yes. I am.

Just got this slack from our server admin.

How does a front-end developer get away with murder?

$('body').hide();

//I'll see myself out

Student - Teacher renaming .c to .exe make the program executable ?

Teacher - Yes

A group of people stand up and walking to the door

Teacher - Where are you all going ?

Students - We are going to drop this class.

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

Does anyone else suddenly lose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?

Let's clarify:
* Github is not Git
* Android is not Java
* Unit test is not TDD
* Java is not OOP
* Docker is not Devops
* Jenkins is not CI
* Agile is not institutionalised total chaos
* Developer is not Printer Support

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...