At university we had lessons in C++.
First lesson: Make a calculator
Second lesson: Make an application that uses sockets to connect to an FTP-server and downloads a file. No FTP-libraries allowed.

A friend just asked me to make an app that displays a different porn link everyday and makes a push notification which he wants to use with his friends.

For free. Nah fam

Me trying to help a friend recover his Facebook account.

*after some recovery steps*

me: Okay check your Gmail app and recover from there.
friend: I don't have a Gmail app, I only have an email app.

*lmfao*

Client : How much for the project?
Me : $10,000
Client : I will give you $72.

I think the best I saw was a co-worker scripted a file so that every time the manager typed the computer would play painful screaming sounds and then thank her when she stopped typing.

Since you're here, let's make something very clear.
There are four kinds of people in this world:
1. Idiot fucks who commit everytime they write a single loc
2. Professional programmers who commit when they complete a module/functionality
3. Lost souls who commit to their girlfriends
4. People who don't use git.
Understand?

try {
♥️
}
catch(e) {
🍺
}

#happyvalentinesday

I did it boys, shes mine. 😃
Happy Valentines

Lets all stop and take a moment to thank Stackoverflow for our jobs...

Business: How long will it take to add that feature to the legacy system?
Programmer: When will the new system be implemented?
Business: 6 months
Programmer: The new feature will take 7 months

WinRar a never ending trial license... lol

How do you guys explain to people that Javascript != Java without raging?

Every time when you receive a piece of code and it doesn't work.

For fuck's sake,if you are teaching "Machine Learning For Developers",you don't have to waste a whole hour explaining what the fuck a variable is or what is an if statement.Developers know what that is....aaargh.Off to sleep.

I work as an Enterprise Java Developer. When people ask me what I do, I tell them I work with beans.

So I just told my manager that I want to resign my job.

I have decided to accept the offer from a German software company. First time working overseas, full of uncertainty.

I don't know I am excited or nervous now.

I upgraded my RAM...
There were no RAMifications :D

sorry

Happy 25th birthday Linux!

Am I the only one here that doesn't have stickers on my PC?

I see everyone is showing off rubber ducks. Now I wonder if my pokemon can do the same trick?

Darn it! That rare moment when you realize nobody else has tried what you're doing, but you are still confident enough only to discover that StackOverflow has no answers after all. And now I ended up solving my own problems.

Had my first interview today for an internship!!
Say they'll contact me after New year!!
Let's hope i get it!!

This cracked me up...😂😂

Interviewer: "Show me a cool side-project you have been working on!"

Me: "No! I do not have a cool side-project to show you! I work to pay the bills, and do other things in my spare time! Like go fishing, or play video games. Why the fuck are you assuming that I spend my weekends coding for fun!? Do you call random people asking them questions every Saturday and Sunday just for the LOLs of it?"

Just finished another conference call. Broken voices, confusing accents and awkward silences. How do you guys handle it?

Never forget the where clause in an UPDATE query.......

How to politely tell your client that their request for the new 'little' feature is unrealistic and fucking absurd?

"We're going to need to migrate our database and reformat it so it works with the new app."

Translation: we've been using Excel up until this point and need you to convert it to SQL. Oh god, people.

When you realize you haven't compiled in hours

A friend of mine took part in development of a website for a real estate agency. Their database was stored on a floppy disk.