None of these people are real.
The “photos” are generated via neural network.
https://arxiv.org/pdf/...

when your function finally works, but output is different than expected

Me: Oh I see were using a non-standard architecture on this app. I like this bit but what is this doing? never seen it before.

Him: Ah we use that to abstract the navigation layer.

Me: oh ok, interesting idea, but that means we need an extra file per screen + 1 per module. We also can't use this inbuilt control, which I really like, and we've to write a tonne of code to avoid that.

Him: Yeah we wanted to take a new approach to fix X, this is what we came up with. Were not 100% happy with it. Do you have any ideas?

**
Queue really long, multi-day architecture discussion. Lots of interesting points, neither side being precious or childish in anyway. Was honestly fantastic.
**

Me: So after researching your last email a bit, I think I found a happy middle ground. If we turn X into a singleton, we can store the state its generating inside itself. We can go back to using the in-built navigation control and have the data being fetched like Y. If you want to keep your dependency injection stuff, we can copy the Angular services approach and inject the singletons instead of all of these things. That means we can delete the entire layer Z.

Even with the app only having 25% of the screens, we could delete like 30+ files, and still have the architecture, at a high level, identical and textbook MVVM.

Him: singleton? no I don't like those, best off keeping it the way it is.

... are you fucking kidding me? You've reinvented probably 3 wheels, doubled the code in the app and forced us to take ownership of something the system handles ... but a singleton is a bad idea? ... based off no concrete evidence or facts, but a personal opinion.

... your face is a bad idea

I don't see women as objects.
I consider each to be in a class of her own

The Orange Juice Saga ....

I've just come off one of the stupidest calls ever.

Firstly, I am not in tech support, I'm a software developer - read the below with this in mind.

My client called up to say the system I created as been compromised. When he attempts to login, he is logged off his Windows machine.

He'd also apparently taken his PC to ***insert large UK computer superstore here***, who took £100 plus to look at the machine and conclude his needs to buy a new PC.

I remoted into his computer to see WTF was going on.

As he described, visiting my login form did log you out. In fact, whenever you pressed the "L" key you were logged out. Press the "M" key, all windows were minimized. Basically, all Windows hotkeys appeared to be active, without the need to press the Windows key.

Whilst connected to his PC I spent a good 30 minutes checking keyboard settings and came up short.

After asking all the normal questions (has anything changed on your PC, have you installed stuff lately etc.) without any useful answers I got nothing.

I then came across an article stating several presses of the Windows in quick succession will solve the issue.

I got the client to try this, pressed the "L" key (which would have logged me off previously) and the issue was resolved.

Basically, the Windows key was "stuck", which oddly makes your PC kind of useless.

I asked the client if they'd split anything on the keyword whilst working. His exact word were simply lol:

"Oh yer, yesterday, I was trying to drink a glass of orange quickly and split some in the corner of keyboard. I did clean it up quickly though".

Yep, the issue was due to the client spilling orange juice on their keyboard , which in turn made the Windows key stick.

Disaster averted.

A call that started with the client stating I made a system that was easily compromised (i.e. my fault), morphed into a sorry saga of cold drinks.

The client did ask why the ***superstore name*** charged him money for that and recommended a new machine. That is a good question and demonstrated some the questionable tech support practices we see nowadays, even at very large stores.

To be fair to the client, he told me to bill him for half a days work as it was his own fault.

When I'm able to stop myself involuntarily face palming, I'm off for a swim to unwind :)

If you hold a UNIX shell to your ear, you can hear the C.

This will save time when something goes wrong

German went to Russia 3 times unprepared

1) World War 1
2) World War 2
3) World Cup 2018

It seems they never learn from their past
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

At job interview.

They: What would you describe as your biggest character flaw?

Me: *rolls d8* I pretend not to understand the local language in order to avoid interactions I would rather not have.

They: What?

Me: ¿que?

I really want this GitHub theme!

Source : Twitter

"Only stay late at work when it makes sense to, otherwise always leave on time. There's always going to be work left, no matter how much you get done in one day."

Best advice ever.

Edit: I have to say it was during my first week in my first recent grad job.

If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

*Uploading App to Play Store*

What's new: Enhanced Bugs

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = 3;

HumbleBundle has a Python bundle again, though not as good as the last one, but this time if you pay the avg. of 16$~ you'll get 50$ DigitalOcean Credit as a new user, which might be interesting, else there's also this for students: https://education.github.com/pack

https://humblebundle.com/software/...

If a programmer owns a death note :

writes an asterisk * and the world would just end like that

Buzzword dictionary to deal with annoying clients:

AI—regression
Big data—data
Blockchain—database
Algorithm—automated decision-making
Cloud—Internet
Crypto—cryptocurrency
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Disruption—competition
Viral—popular
IoT—malware-ready device

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I'll spend the first twelve sharpening the axe. —A programmer.

Me: *downloaded wordpress for first time*
Me: *opens folder in Atom*
.php file: Hi there! Welcome to your new bl-
Me: *delete wordpress folder and reformats hard drive*

We hired a new senior dev. The lead architect is going over basic bit branching and commits with him. This new job already feels like a dumpster covered in petrol.

Rough analysis of LinkedIn inmail’s I get:

Hi <5% of time, not my name>,

I was looking at your profile <97% a lie>. I was very impressed with your <10% something I’ve never done> experience working for <5% a company I’ve never heard of>. Would you be interested in hearing more about <60% a job I’m not suited for>, they offer amazing benefits and have a great culture!

... no

I cannot find a job because I don't have experience and I cannot get experience because I don't have a job.

-- Ancient Chinese Proverb

Heard a job position opened through a friend. Passed him my CV since we don't know his email (lol how?)
Got called for an interview + technical test. Came and they were expecting my CV. They somehow misplaced my CV (lol again how?)
Told the interviewers that I made a couple of apps for fun and informative. Tested me by doing a value switch between 2 variables without introducing a third variable. Done and dusted.
A month later, the company that interviewed me disappeared.

That's my definition of the worst interview rejection. Company pulled a Houdini without telling all of their candidates that we're rejected.

If drinking coffee doesn't wake you up in the morning, try deleting a table in the production database.

Verified, it worked.

Some people tape up inputs like camera and mic to keep gov and hackers out of their private lives.

Me, I'm an exhibitionist.

To the guy that invented NULL...
Thanks for nothing.

*This is a corrected version of the dad joke originally containing zero.

Lets all help them share their startup

We are in 2017! :)

Yoda speaks like he wasn't careful with his async calls

"a Jedi You are"

Just wait until I remove my headphones before you start to talk to me...