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My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java18
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F*** all this motivational/inspirational shit going on nowadays. We don't need cold showers, wake up 4:30 AM, or sacrifice time with loved ones just because our ego wants to be successful.
What if I don't want it, what if I just want to BBQ some chickens, drink Red Bull, and watch some Netflix shows until I die.
I don't want to own a Lamborghini, big apartment, live in a warm place with a nice view over the blue ocean, etc. This is just an illusional life-style story that every single person in the world wants, and the reason is so media and commercial companies can trick people to buy whatever they want.
I don't give a shit, we'll all die someday, I don't need these things in my life to make me feel happy or complete. I've seen people with everything, yet they commit suicide because the inner self is broken.
Just be happy with whatever you have, and stop going after things that won't really make you happy. The fact you have eyes to see, ears to hear, and hands to feel is worth billions in itself.
Wake up.19 -
*in Sprint planning listening to my PM creating tasks*
PM (to Team): So this will be an MVP we can expand on in the future. Do let me know upfront if any tasks should not be in the Sprint.
Team Manager (to PM): Let's see... Yeah I think you've nailed it... Good.
Developer (to Team): Guys, I see the task for the frontend team to integrate machine learning doesn't have any details.
PM (to Developer): Ooh machine learning! Good catch!
PM (to Team Manager): This was one of the tasks we really needed this quarter, will we still be on track?
Team Manager (to PM): Yeah no worries we'll add it as part of the MVP design in Confluence.
PM: Okay assigning the task now. *Assigns to Developer*
*Team Manager goes on 1 month vacation*
Me (thinking to myself): Wtf3 -
Anyone using Robotic Process Automation (RPA)---such as UIPath---in their work? If so, can you share what you are doing with it and how you feel about it?
And how does RPA differ from Automator on macOS, if at all?7 -
Customer support story time: (swearing in Dutch because it sounds more fun but it's general swearing so no translation needed I think (will translate the non obvious parts)
Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: hello, I have a question for you.
Me: go ahead!
Client: alright so.... one sec, let me turn off my music.
Client: hey Google
.
.
.
Client: hey Google
.
Client: Heeeey Gooooooogle
.
Client: HEY GOOGLE, GODVERREDOMME
.
Me: 😆
.
Client: REAGEER GODVERDOMME. "HEY GOOOOGLE"
.
.
Client: VIES VUIL TYFUS DING, LUISTEREN. HEEEEEY GOOOOOOGLE
.
.
Client: JA GODVERREROMME, LUISTER GEWOON, FUCKING KUT DING. *SHOUTS WITH ANGRY VOICE* "HEY GOOGLE HALLOOOO LUISTEEEEEREEEEEN" (oh for fucks sake, LISTEN fucking piece of shit)
Me: *desperately trying to keep it together*
Client: IK DOE HET ZELF WEL JEZUS GODDOMME *FOOTSTEPS, MUSIC STOPS* (Translation: I'll do it myself, fucking hell)
.
.
.
Client: finally, sorry for that 😅
Me: *still trying to control myself* no problem!15 -
My GOTOs are:
- Check if focus on teamwork is emphasized. Does the company state themselves? Spend a day with the team if possible, see how they work together.
- What tools do they use? Sometimes this will hint you towards whether or not you will encounter a good environment or a jumbled mess.
- Is there organized communication? I know, sometimes there are too many meetings, but that is better than too vew. How often does the team meet, even if just for 10mins? How does management communicate with the team? What ways are provided to give feedback? Are suggestions to improve practices welcome?
I left my last company and joined my current one, where these things work out the way they should. While I liked both projects with respect to development, my mental state has improved dramatically in the new environment. Stress is down, productivity is up. I love my job. -
Hey guys, whenever you talk about your weakness in interview, what would be the best thing to say? Weak on multitasking, for example, would be a sample answer?16
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Yeah.. it's a shame C# doesn't have a type to hold this (4) and then you have to resort to using var.. I am so disappointed, I've heard C# is crap, but this.. THIS!! It doesn't even have a type for normal integers!! FFS!!! I thought it was better than this!!
Oh, wait.. it's not C# who is 'weird'!! It's my super duper cool ex coworker who made a mess of the simple code again... I admit, this is not such a huge deal.. BUT... It doesn't end here.. o.O40 -
I scored a GBA sp (with Super Mario Bros 3) at my local Goodwill today for $20. I always wanted one as a kid, but I almost didn't get it cause some asshole found it first. I saw him fumble with it for a solid 3 minutes before he could get it to turn on. Finally he put the cartridge in the right way and flicked the power switch. I thought it was all over. At that point the dumbass realized it worth something but instead of buying it HE HID THE GAMEBOY AND LEFT. I wasn't going to wait for him so I bought it myself 😂.6
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Sooo my friend asked my to become more active on steam and i did something about it! I'm going to be become the most activities steam user!31
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My Interview question was simple, just :
Create an algorithm using **JAVA** accepting row input which output corresponding diagram :
1.
*
**
***
****
2.
*
**
***
****
3.
54321
4321
321
21
1
I said, well this going to be easy. Turns out they give me one sheet of FUCKING PAPER. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? THIS IS JAVA NOT A FUCKING PYTHON.
But in the end i complete the test except i don't write the :
public stupid static motherfucking main(String[] dick){}
in every single number. Got Zero in the test. Didn't get the job.
I win.13 -
Dear people who complain about spending a whole night to find a tiny syntax error; Every time I read one of your rants, I feel like a part of me dies.
As a developer, your job is to create elegant optimized rivers of data, to puzzle with interesting algorithmic problems, to craft beautiful mappings from user input to computer storage and back.
You should strive to write code like a Michelangelo, not like a house painter.
You're arguing about indentation or getting annoyed by a project with braces on the same line as the method name. You're struggling with semicolons, misplaced braces or wrongly spelled keywords.
You're bitching about the medium of your paint, about the hardness of the marble -- when you should be lamenting the absence of your muse or the struggle to capture the essence of elegance in your work.
In other words:
Fix your fucking mindset, and fix your fucking tools. Don't fucking rant about your tabs and spaces. Stop fucking screaming how your bloated swiss-army-knife text editor is soooo much better than a purpose-built IDE, if it fails to draw something red and obnoxious around your fuck ups.
Thanks.62 -
!rant
After over 20 years as a Software Engineer, Architect, and Manager, I want to pass along some unsolicited advice to junior developers either because I grew through it, or I've had to deal with developers who behaved poorly:
1) Your ego will hurt you FAR more than your junior coding skills. Nobody expects you to be the best early in your career, so don't act like you are.
2) Working independently is a must. It's okay to ask questions, but ask sparingly. Remember, mid and senior level guys need to focus just as much as you do, so before interrupting them, exhaust your resources (Google, Stack Overflow, books, etc..)
3) Working code != good code. You are an author. Write your code so that it can be read. Accept criticism that may seem trivial such as renaming a variable or method. If someone is suggesting it, it's because they didn't know what it did without further investigation.
4) Ask for peer reviews and LISTEN to the critique. Even after 20+ years, I send my code to more junior developers and often get good corrections sent back. (remember the ego thing from tip #1?) Even if they have no critiques for me, sometimes they will see a technique I used and learn from that. Peer reviews are win-win-win.
5) When in doubt, do NOT BS your way out. Refer to someone who knows, or offer to get back to them. Often times, persons other than engineers will take what you said as gospel. If that later turns out to be wrong, a bunch of people will have to get involved to clean up the expectations.
6) Slow down in order to speed up. Always start a task by thinking about the very high level use cases, then slowly work through your logic to achieve that. Rushing to complete, even for senior engineers, usually means less-than-ideal code that somebody will have to maintain.
7) Write documentation, always! Even if your company doesn't take documentation seriously, other engineers will remember how well documented your code is, and they will appreciate you for it/think of you next time that sweet job opens up.
8) Good code is important, but good impressions are better. I have code that is the most embarrassing crap ever still in production to this day. People don't think of me as "that shitty developer who wrote that ugly ass code that one time a decade ago," They think of me as "that developer who was fun to work with and busted his ass." Because of that, I've never been unemployed for more than a day. It's critical to have a good network and good references.
9) Don't shy away from the unknown. It's easy to hope somebody else picks up that task that you don't understand, but you wont learn it if they do. The daunting, unknown tasks are the most rewarding to complete (and trust me, other devs will notice.)
10) Learning is up to you. I can't tell you the number of engineers I passed on hiring because their answer to what they know about PHP7 was: "Nothing. I haven't learned it yet because my current company is still using PHP5." This is YOUR craft. It's not up to your employer to keep you relevant in the job market, it's up to YOU. You don't always need to be a pro at the latest and greatest, but at least read the changelog. Stay abreast of current technology, security threats, etc...
These are just a few quick tips from my experience. Others may chime in with theirs, and some may dispute mine. I wish you all fruitful careers!221 -
Sorry, but I gotta go with the inevitable. Apple.
Of course, their older slogan is ironic now. Used to be does more, costs less. Now you can't even upgrade the RAM in most devices and legally can't repair their shit without their permission. The only reason people love Apple is because of the ecosystem. Everything Apple works great with everything else Apple, plus it's very trendy to have that logo plastered everywhere. It's too convenient to leave.10 -
Friend: *deletes something from the internet*
"Thank god, now it's gone forever!"
Me: *Laughs in French*
"Hahahaha!"
Friend: "What?"
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure almost everything you put on the internet stays on the internet."
Friend: "ARE YOU STUPID??! The button says fucking DELETE. What else would it to do? Please use your brain for once."
Me: "You realize that text in the button is just a string right?"
Friend: *Looks confused*
"Stop trying to be such a smartass. Why would it be called 'delete' if it doesn't delete? Your logic make no sense whatsoever."
Me: *Makes quick simple app in order to prove my point*
App has 4 buttons:
-Play Music: Shows a picture of a dog
-Stop Music: Starts playing music video of Never gonna give you up
-Close App: Changes the interface to a random color
-Delete App: Pop up that says "The app has been deleted"
Friend: *Installs and tries the app*
"Dude! Did you even test your app before sending me?? Your buttons are broken as hell. None of them works. They all do things they're not supposed to do. How do you even call yourself a programmer? Sorry dude, nothing personal but this app sucks."
Me: *I need a new friend*
*sigh*22 -
*client calls in*
Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.
*click*
😶32 -
*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*
Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"
Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"
Mom: *looks confused*
"I also want to use Fesabook on it"
Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*
*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*
Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"
*One hour later*
*Mom calls*
"Son, I think the laptop broke"
Me: "What? What happened?"
Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)
Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"
Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"
Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."
Mom: "What a ripoff"
*Hangs up the phone*34 -
Sometimes I wished there was no internet, computers etcetera and that the world would go back to the basics. When people from a village knew each other and married a girl from your village and lived in a wooden hut in the mud.
This all can be so much better than how life is at the moment. People ignoring eachother, fighting wars by killing thousands without actually fighting.
And yes I know some of us wouldnt survive it, Im not sure I would with my chronic kneepain. I cannot hunt because of it. I could be a builder or farmer maybe?24 -
Okay lets learn somethin new, maybe make a little game with a new language as a summer project, yeah thats a good idea.
First 3 hours: How the f*ck do you use this motherf*cking function put some god damn real examples you f*cking f*cks, Im sick of your hypothetical ass dripping guides.
Another 2 hours later: After an*l probing the f*ck out of the forums and some tries I finally can make this title flicker...
Wooooorth iiiiit8 -
So I did an interview today and the problem was given a = 1 2 3 and b = 2 3 write code that finds the common elements.
I asked what the data structures are and they said it can be whatever so I said cool then we can use sets and do an interception to get unique elements.... this was in Python... but for the life of me I couldn't remember what the intercept notation was... and brought that up hoping they're give me a hint haha.
So I ended up writing a 8-9 line solution for what could've been a one liner fml: return a | b.
All because I didn't know the notation and still needed to give them something. Painful to write when I knew I was reinventing the wheel. Sign
I almost never use sets so this was heartbreaking hopefully I still get an offer!
How bad of a fail is this in y'all opinion?7 -
I was so in-depth thinking about coding that I didn't realize that the finger I was sucking was prior used to scratch my testicles..
Please god, I hope I'm not the only one.4 -
Guy left his computer unlocked. Boss came over looking for him, sat down at his computer and opened lots of porn and left saying 'that will teach him'.10
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Just finished a 18 hour coding day (It‘s 5:30am here). I just realized that coding is one of the few things I really get in the zone (flow state). It‘s so awesome how I can forget everything around me and be 100% focused on what I‘m doing. And the best thing: I really feel relaxed now.5