If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

Love it

You might as well just kill yourself right now

I think I just broke the (only) USB C port on my MacBook so I’m racing to push about 30 git repos before the battery dies forever

Hmm... It's true??

Beginnings 😅😅

Void foo() {
try {
//Try something
} catch(exception e) {
foo();
}
}

When I saw this in production I cried a little...

Colleague: "IBM: Infamous Brotherhood of Motherfuckers"

To my ex-coworkers who used to tease me about using Vim although I never bragged or even talked about it to any of them, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

Painful Representative Often Jeopardizing Expected Completion Times, Making All New Assignments Greatly Escape Reality

Or

P.R.O.J.E.C.T. M.A.N.A.G.E.R. for short.

That fortune cookie is definity meant for programmers.

These guys were studying for a Java exam...from PRINTED OUT PHONE PICTURES OF CODE ON THEIR SCREENS

Getting married to a female dev sounds cool, until she starts setting up a trello board for house tasks.🙅

15,000 line main. It’s our flagship product. 🤮

Hey, have you ever wanted to punch a developer 8611 times before?

Somehow every programmer that i met, started programming at age of 8-10
Like wtf were you programming, an alarm clock to watch Spongebob Squarepants?

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

"The difference between SSDs and HDDs is that HDDs store data on spinning CDs inside the drive"
-- a 3rd year CS student

Spinning CDs?? CDs?!?!?

*peacefully coding*
Family: can you help me connect to WiFi?
*5 mins later*
Friend: help, how do I download this program?
*5 mins later*
Family: fix my computer, it’s really slow!!

When did I go from programmer to IT help desk?

Me: This is good, but here’s a small tiny change that will make it even better!
Tests: 1 success, 3628 failures, simulator freezes and crashes computer
Me: never mind...

Ok, this is a rant against some devRanters.

STOP THINKING THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM IS SWITCHING TO LINUX! STOP!
I am a linux user but i fucking hate people who act like dickheads to other OS users.
-A node.js problem is not a windows/linux problem
-An android studio problem is not a windows/linux problem
-A problem with website x is not a windows/linux problem
Understand the problem and give a relevant answer, don't just spit "Use Linux" everytime.

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

You know you're fucked when even the lead dev can't think of a decent solution for your problem which is...
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... the most difficult challenge devs have ever faced:
.
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.
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.
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What should be the name of the github repo for the new module?

I sometimes encounter developers who try to be serious all the time and be super rational at everything and have a pride in never smiling. One time my friend was crying and her dev boyfriend went like "I am a developer and I think rational, the way you think about X........." Dude shut the fuck up and hug her! Nobody gives a fuck about you being a RoboCop right now. The fact that you lack emphaty and emotional capacity doesnt make you a mighty god, it makes you a fucking asshole.

$ alias sudo='sudo '
(note the intentional space within the quotes, allows using aliases with sudo)

And then:
$ alias fucking=sudo

Allows stuff like:
$ fucking rm /important-stuffs
$ fucking service foobar stop
$ fucking reboot

Enjoy!

Client: "I need an Android app that does ______"
Me: "Ok, I'll start right away!"
Client: "Oh, and one more thing: I want it developed in eclipse"
Me: "Go away"

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"

...pulls out the network cable on his machine...

"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻‍♂️