The six stages of debugging:
* That can’t happen.
* That doesn’t happen on my machine.
* That shouldn’t happen.
* Why does that happen?
* Oh, I see.
* How did that ever work?

My sons homework:
Matt received 5 apples. He had eaten 3.
Question: how many apples left for him?
My son said 2.
NO! We don't know how many apples he has before. Remember to asaign 0 to variable!

WHY WRITE GOOD CODE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE TECHNICAL DEBT?

Morning: Boss decided he was changing all the table names, used a different ORM than we are used to, and implemented it in such a way that the connections stay open and live forever, and had ultimately destroyed half our existing codebase.
Midday: clients keep messaging saying that everything is broken, and rather than accepting that we are fixing it, they want an entire breakdown of exactly what is wrong.
Afternoon: clients still say things are broken even though they have been fixed - they keep sending month old screenshots, which is obvious because the entire interface has changed since then.
Conclusion: shouldn't have gone to work today.

There's no greater waste of time than laying in bed with your significant other and waiting on them to fall asleep so you can tip toe back to your computer in order to hit a deadline.

Literally my ritual every night.

Got a phone call: I got an error, what do I do?
Me: what kind of error?
Her: I closed it.
Me: what did it say?
Her: I don't know, it was a window with "ok" and "cancel"
Me: why didn't you read it?
Her: I don't understand this computer language.

/me dies a little inside.
There is nothing quite as stupid as people who refuse to read their own language as soon as it appears on a screen.
They make those things for a reason.
This happens too often.

Ok, thanks..

A picture is worth a thousand words

I was terrified!

So Microsoft doesn't ship the ODBC drivers for Access on their new distros of office because they run in an isolated environment... THEN WHAT GOOD IS YOUR FUCKING EXPORT TO ODBC OPTION IS. YOU'RE MAKING MY JOB SO MUCH HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE.

So true...

Sysadmins life

This will always hold a special place in my heart.. Makes me so nostalgic every time. It's what got me into computers

A while back our whole team was really frustrated with the marketing department.

In retaliation we made a new branch for our project called marketing-bs, which was used for all of marketing feature requests.

It's the little wins that keep us going.

Common things to say

god knows why the code that works on Friday does not work on Monday

That one person...

In one of our first C programming classes today in college, I booted up Ubuntu on the dual boot systems to practice our first few programs which we were supposed to be doing in Turbo C on Windows.
I successfully compiled it using gcc on the first try which appeared like magic to my neighbor. Soon our teacher came to check my program and said that I made a mistake. I asked her what is the mistake? She said that I was supposed to be using conio.h!!
I argued that it is not a standard header file and using it makes the code non-portable. She tried it to edit it to include conio.h but couldn't edit it since I was using vim. I was asked to switch to Windows and use Turbo C instead and also use conio.h. I denied and she told me to follow her or leave the class.

The weather was nice.

Windows 😛😛

That akward moment when you realize that you are not in a linux shell!

Where did you two meet??😇😇😇

HOLY SHIT! Pls don't!

The honest website ever... 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

The moment when a client dumps you for a "cheaper solution" and after a year his site get hacked and calls you to rescue him. Priceless.

when you get downvoted on Stackoverflow...