Boss: make this thing
Me: yeah no worries. Where is the spec?
Boss: We don't have enough one but we outsourced the design so call him

Designer: haven't started yet
Me: excellent

Boss: I'm going on holiday. I'll leave this to you.
Me: erm ok. I'm having a few problems getting stuff out of the designer though.

*2 weeks later and still no designs*

Boss: I'm back. Where is the progress?!
Me: indeed.

*1 week later i get half designs that sort of make sense*

Boss: hurry up!

*1 week later*

Me: designer you're busting my balls here
Designer: yeah lol

Me to boss: still having problems. No idea what I'm doing.
Boss: deal with it

*2 days later*
PM: we are demoing it to clients tomorrow
Me: brilliant. I'll become a magician then.

* Meeting goes well and no one notices the thing is a bit buggy*

*2 days later*
Me to boss and pm: you already know whats going on but I'll keep trying.
Boss: ok it's just a proof of concept anyway.
Designer: yeah here's the rest of the designs lol

*1 week later, the designs made no sense, no idea what they wanted but hey it's a proof of concept so I'll just do my best...*

*suddenly again, hey you have 1 week before we sell it. Lol. smashes a product together as fast as humanly possible, due to half designs and no time to do it right even html classes and CSS aren't right - didn't know things would be repeated at the time. No time to fix entire thing. Luckily just a proof of concept*

New senior developer: hey boss just said this is being sold tomorrow.
Me: wtf..It's a proof of concept and i was given longer...
New senior developer: no
Me: :(

Senior developer and all colleagues: it's full of bugs and doesn't work
Me: yes that will happen without specs, random tight deadlines, no designs that made sense and a total of about a week and a half to make an entire system for multiple user types to make applications, send messages, post jobs, handle all paperwork and move paperwork among different user types as they go through applications. I told everyone what was going on but i get no support...

*Silence*

Boss: wtf i gave you so long! All i know is my entire staff is working on a product that should be done ages ago
Me: ok, however i have said almost every day i need-
Boss: I'm not interested

*I finish my placement year and never get any promised work or the job offer*

Seems legit?

Me: Wanna see this website I built this weekend?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: I connected a bunch of APIs so you can snap a photo of yourself and get a recommended song based on your facial expression. Pretty cool, right?

Friend: *thinking* ... I think you should change the size of that button, and the colors are pretty bad, dude.

Every time I show my non-tech friends anything I get this kind of feedback :/

I hate CSS with passion.

motivation bump

So sick of my colleague who keeps writing:
if (something) {
doWork();
} else {
}

He insists that it is the best code style to include the empty else clause. WRONG YOU #!*&@!

Master was successfully deleted

When Microsoft were funny

Success story of a coder

Think twice, code once!

MicroJoke or ShitSoft 😂😂

Just tried the light theme again...

The Most Irritating Moment!!!
-_-

PM used his wife's data in testing against legacy data.
Discovered she had different social number before they met.
Apparently she was also a he.....

Might be a interesting evening for him.

You guys in the states... In the next years you'll have such problems in the system; in 2020 you'll be able to vote for ghostbusters.

Please somebody needs to stop trump.exe

halp pls ;_;

What we really mean...

The worst part of being a developer?

So many ideas, so many possibilities... But so little time to do all of it. :'(

That moment when you complete your work and then the client gets arrested and sent to jail and you just sit there mumbling "but my payment...."

True Story. Sadly.

Life In a nutshell

There are only two reasons you should use Windows:
1. You are developing for Windows.
2. You cannot live without a game which still has no Linux support.

However, the right thing to do is refuse all contracts on Windows development and quit playing games that have no Linux port.

Story of most of us

Commit notes like this....

Found a better way to stack cables!

Just had a Skype call that explained a Skype chat about the fact that I can't do anything on a task, because we are waiting for another (external) dev do finish his work.

Time wasted for Skype chat: 10 min
Time wasted for Skype call: 20 min
Time wasted for stopping myself from doing any harm to the user: 30 min

That was me on my first day of learning cloud storage. Still don't know where it's stored :/

When Udacity trolls you

not sure why they don't just make it free and have a donate option 😀

we got a new coworker who had no experience in coding. I was planning to leave the company (mainly because my other coworokers were jerks) but no one wanted to teach him so i started teaching the new guy. This was 4 months ago and He is the reason im still here and i enjoy my work again! :)

Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

Is it just me or do others also think programmer jokes like "...converts caffeine and pizza into software" and similar to be fucking annoying?