UTF-8. It’s almost perfekt.

On my way to my first job interview ever! Applying for a Linux Support Engineer position.

Let's nail this 😎

Assembly! I bow down to the devs who came before me🙏

This is some next level goto bullshit...

My single life is the branch that never let's me pull.

Client: hey ***, happy birthday can you help me fixing....
Me thinking: hell no, i deal with yall fuckers 364 days a fucking year and yall can't leave me the hell alone for one cocksucking day. I need this one damn day a year not dealing with yall assholes where i don't snap and drive 300 fucking miles to not drive a nail in a broomstick and drive it up your fucking asdls

Oh dear Amber Rudd has encyrption in her sights again. And still doesn't seem to understand what it is.

Client: is it possible to make my computer unhackable, untraceable, and make it to were it can never get viruses?

Me: yes!

Client: How?

Me: Just don't go on the internet.

CTO: Trigger email to everyone when internet goes down. Do this by EOD.
Me: OK
Later
How could I send email without internet.
Confused....

!rant
Forgive a repost if so, but here's something :

http://confirmshaming.tumblr.com

Coding made me feel smart and dumb at the same time :D

How has coding helped me?
Logic. Period.

What my sister thinks when she got to know that i am a backend developer

I have a feeling that a senior dev left a bug on purpose to see if I would catch. Anyone else have that feeling or am I just paranoid?

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Boss: I'm glad you finished the project in just 25h no-stop
Me: I like cactus

I fucking hate people who mock me for not drinking and being vegetarian. Why everyone tries to get on my nerves when I do no wrong to them. I fucking hate my life. I want to go to lone island with my laptop.

5 years later I'm still wondering what programming language I should specialize in. Fml.

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS: Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS: Quits after two bytes.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.

TITANIC VIRUS: Your whole computer goes down.

DISNEY VIRUS: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

PROZAC VIRUS: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

Call me old fashioned but I'll go with pen & paper!

I killed a web developer today.

It built a web right in front of the coffee machine.

Javascript and Java.

Imagine java is an indigenous language to an island spoken by everyone there.

A non-native visits, and in order to understand them they need to decode their java into meanings and reapply those meanings to their own language.

More non-natives start visiting more and more often, and the javanese naively welcome them in.

The natives happily create trinkets and souvenirs for the tourists, and a market starts forming. The docks get busier every day.

Soon it appears that there are more non-natives on the island than natives, and their polity of origin starts to lay claim to their land.

Fights and legal altercations become common.

Some of the native javanese begin to modify their language to meet the colonists halfway, and some of the colonists begin to learn this new language.

They begin to understand each other more fundamentally and tensions fade.

Meanwhile, the more stoic javanese retain their claim to the island, and fight the pidgin "rebels".

The island splits into Java and Papua New Java. The populace of both claiming having nothing much to do with the other.

Nothing but fun and funerals for any new tourism.

It's so sad.

Let's Make Java Great Again.
Let's Make Papua New Java Great Again.

Let's build a wall.