Software engineer

What IDIOT designed this up? And I see that’s common in most laptops these days!

these are the kinds of commits i have to deal with :|
like "it's already past 5 o'clock! i have to leave!"

that's why I have trust issue

Had to create this table tent because mfs just couldn't take a hint. I also have one for when I'm concentrating/deep in code zone.

My girlfriend knows what a coder needs when it’s their birthday. Lucky to have her. Walked into my room and it was set up like this.

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

Why to most developers who look beautiful are JavaScript developers (looking at you Instagram) and all of them have the MacBook and perfectly clean desk. How's that possible.

If I were to clean up my desk it will take around 45 minutes to complete.

Outside the country and I've got unlimited roaming throughout Europe including 4g but I've been stuck on 3g and 5-600 kb/s for nearly the entire vacation.

Changed the access point type with one word and BAM, 4g!

This stuff is weird. 😐

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

- Her : How’s your life going?

- Me :

My team lead force pushed to master. This guys always complains when we merge PRs with wip or fixup commits and he just did it himself and tried to cover it up doing a rebase on the master branch.

Good job fucking up everyone. 👍

I was looking up this vsauce video about comic sans when an ad crossed my way.
What an eyecatcher! I want a website in that style now...

Meetup with @Wack, @PonySlaystation and @Heyheni in Zurich was awesome! Had some good beers and, of course, took a picture: (fltr: wack, heyheni, linuxxx, ponyslaystation)

Why do so many people waste their time and their computers turning coal into heat? It really pisses me off.

Often I meet smart guys who are fairly decent coders and after what starts as an interesting conversation is instantly destroyed by cryptocurrency.

It is *exactly* like enjoying a discussion of the intriguing nuances of quantum chemistry only to have the guy say, "thats all cool, but how do you make meth?"

argh.

You want to use your decked out rig to make money? Fine. But please help us solve important problems instead of literally wasting electricity. Just google search "supercomputer physics" and you will find a thousand current problems requiring extremely fast computers for number crunching. All of them can make you more money than crypto and all of them help society at the same time.

We burn coal to make most of the electricity on this planet. Most coal stations burn around 20,000 tons of coal per day. The world burns about 250 tons of coal every *second*. This is converted into carbon dioxide. (coal = carbon, add two oxygens when you burn it, producing three times as much mass in CO2, which then goes out the smoke stack)

The big picture is this: currently we are forced to burn coal to make the world work. Turning off the boilers would result in an almost instant apocalyptic collapse of society. BUT, we don't need to burn it merely to produce waste heat in your video card array.

Please use your superpowers for good.

<end rant>

Whould You accept a license agreement in an editable textbox ??

Me 3 years ago watching someone use git on terminal: woaah is he a hacker???

Me now: *types git status, press enter* *repeat 3 times*
Non Programmer friend: cool! are you hacking?
Me: Nope. Just forgot what I was trying to do

Hey, wanna hear a disappointing stack?

- WordPress
- jQuery
- vanilla inline CSS
- shitty random legacy PHP

Disclaimer:
The author is NOT responsible nor liable for any injuries, mental health issues, sanitary problems, asexuality, crippling depression, triggered by this rant nor liable for any damaged walls, hurt animals or deaths.

words from a hurt dev 😢

stupid users don't review when all's good 😤

TIL if you know the password for a WIFi SSID, you can replicate it with your hardware. All devices that have credentials for that SSID will connect to yours if your signal is stronger. The encryption just needs to be the same (wpa2/wep) The underlying UUID doesn’t matter.

Not bad for a quick and dirty man-in-the-middle attack. The WiFi spec needs a bit more work.
TLS all the things!

FUCK YOUR OPEN SPACE OFFICE!!!!

AND FUCK YOUR HOT DESKING!!!

As a developer, is it too much to ask for a quiet section? 😭

apparently, pair programming means one writing the code and the other cracking jokes

I finally gave up with windows (especially 10)
Used to be behind it and support it but the last bunch of updates is causing more of a headache and dont get me started on the "oh you disabled automatic rebooting..... going to reboot anyway and give you a 10 minute warning while you are asleep".

How bad did it get?
I have built a plan for my linux install that will allow me to play most games via linux (thansk wine and DX2VC) and as i love playing Sea of Thieves, got a few things set up so that when i start the windows vm, it will unload my gpu, give it to the vm. when i shut the vm down, it will reload it back into linux (thanks to joeknock90 if hes on here)

Tested this with my laptop with an external crappy GPU and works surprisingly well

Sources where i got where i am:
https://github.com/joeknock90/...
https://lutris.net/
https://looking-glass.hostfission.com/...

and yes Linus's vid also gave me a little push as well

Very good cable management. Makes me want to rip everything out and redo all of it.

Microsoft has added a machine learning model to predict when is the right time to restart the device for updates.

Coming with the next major update.

This should be interesting...

Trashy Girl that literally did not talk to me in over five years and even back then only talked to me if she needed something texts me today:

Girl: Hi :) How are you?

Me: *oh fuck no* Hi! Good, how about you?

Girl: Great! You know how to program apps right?

Me: *Fuck you* Yeah, whatcha planning?

Girl: Sooo my boyfriends brother has an idea for an app, it’s basically like instagram and snapchat but it’s actually *insert location based snapchat ripoff idea*

Me: Well sure but that’s quite a long term project and App Development kinda isn’t cheap to outsource!

No answer.

I’m like what did you expect?

Same shit everyday. Sometimes I consider starting a new life in a country where noone knows I can code, work remote and answer with “pleas” when people ask me what I do.

*taking out phone in the middle of the night*
PHONE: MAY THE LIGHT OF ONE THOUSAND SUNS PIERCE YOUR MORTAL EYES

When someone forks your repo, alters it, then redistributes it as their own 😔

35°C (95°F)

send help.

So I decided to ditch Apple MacOS go with Linux so I’m the process of trying to sell my MacBook Pro which seems like it’s going to take a while since I don’t have eBay so if you’re in the USA and are interested let me know. Now the trying to decide which Linux distro, I’m currently leaning towards Arch Linux plus looking for the best laptop workstation that’s supported by Linux seems like its going to be a headache. On a good note my unixstickers arrive in the mail yesterday.