Phone conversation between me and a client:

CLIENT: "I see it weird..."
ME: "Which browser are you using?"
CLIENT: "The one you tech guys don't like"
ME: "Internet Explorer, isn't it?"
CLIENT: "Yeah, I'll switch to Firefox then."

Release time :)

:))))))

I'm the git master in my group for a uni project as I am the only one with some experience.
This is what I have to deal with

Normal person: send nudes
Dev: send stickers

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.

Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?

Source: Twitter @cryptomanran

So a user reported they couldn't login to our site, so I reset their password to:

uI+ffRT7M2NAzo8uOqzf4QxO3I9tj8PJ4TS0n8zDV7I

And sent them back an email with the updated password. A few minutes later, they replied and said that password didn't work. They even tried a different web browser, etc. I tried it myself, and sure enough, it didn't work.

I spent the next several hours trying to figure out why the password didn't save properly, or why the logic didn't compare them correctly. Perhaps it was some sort of caching issue? Oh the horror.

As it turns out, the problem was a maxlength of 28 on the login form field:

<input type="password" name="password" value="" maxlength="28"/>

I don't know who wrote that code, but it sure wasn't me.

Tanking World of Warcraft raids. I had severe depression and low self worth. I played the game all the time to cope. I decided to get good at tanking because I heard it was a challenge. I ended up getting fairly decent, started tanking raids and people would ask me on more and more raids saying I was a great tank.

This gave my self confidence a boost and I figured if I could do that (which everyone said was hard) I could get good at coding (which everyone also said was hard.)

Stopped playing wow, started coding all the time. Today I earn very, very decent money as a software dev. (and I don't have depression anymore)

Thanks World of Warcraft.

Today I became a rubber duck debugger 🐤

I was leaving from office and spotted my senior collegue sitting glued to the screen solving an issue. I sat along with him to embark on a debug adventure. I casually asked him about the issue and what might cause it. After a bit of discussion *bam* he figured out where the problem lies and solved it in an instant.

Quack quack off I run 🐤

Dark Vaduck drinking beer instead of helping me to write a genetic algorithm for solving knapsack 0/1 problem ...

Found this on Twitter

Anyone else test there program or website every like 10 minutes to make sure it works, just to avoid spending half and hour or more coding and finding out loads of things don't work?

This advice cant be better! 😂

Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"

Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"

Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"

Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"

Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."

<facepalm>

How people see me:

Father: computer nerd (he's a coder too)
Mother: website maker and computer nerd
Brother#1: some computer wizard
Brother#2: noob web coder (he codes as well, but systems programming) - thanks bro!
Colleagues: The ALIEN™
Girlfriend: 404 not found
Friends: The NERD™
Dog: some hooman spending lots of time behind those lighty rectangles

Fyi, I am passionate about computers in all domains and always helped debugging people

My solution to not being overwhelmed with futile demands? Talking to them in complicated words, so they will only ask questions about true problems and not garbage :D

That moment when you are actually looking forward to just go home and chill

...

And then your pc welcomes you with that.

Being majestic as a web developer:

1. Hacking through the DevTools to remove the anti-AdBlocker overlay + vertical scrolling paralysis on news website
2. See point 1

Aaaah, my delighted daily dose of wonderfully not-written-by-me CSS I have to edit from time to time...

I always feel so enlightened after spending time in those files.

Thanks for the ++s @IDontGiveADuck

Man I really hate it when people think that coding doesn't take any concentration and can just interrupt you while you're thinking about how to solve problems

So the other day I was working on how to solve a problem with filtering data with JS, and I had to urgently update one of our pages on our website. I had to update that page according to the content of a Word file, which I didn't check how long it was.

About 15 minutes later everything was ready and published, so I set myself back to my problem.

I get an email from her, "you mixed up things" and she showed up in my office. "There are four pages in this word doc and you copied wrong parts", I was like "ok, I'll fix it". Fixed it two minutes later, went back to code.

Received another email, with another subject, again with another problem. Start getting pissed off for being interrupted for nonsense. Fixed it instantly and put my manager in the email loop so she is aware my other colleague pisses me off.

And again, another direct email "can you fix this?!". I started ignoring her requests because I need some work to be done, and I already lost 2 hours. Got again interrupted by her personal visit to point me which things are wrong, repeating everything twice as I am stupid to her. Man I can't code in peace. I fixed her shit, exactly as she wants and decided to pay my manager a visit to tell her I'm really pissed about being interrupted all the time.

Five minutes before the end of the day, she comes panicking in the office about ANOTHER WORTHLESS issue. Told her it's nothing and went away.

Day is over, thought it was over - a whole afternoon spent correcting her fucking page that gets 10 visits a year.

On the next morning, "there is something wrong with your form, can you check it?!!?" with an attached screenshot. FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU STOP ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR FUCKING SHIT CANT WORK ANYMORE. PUT YOUR FUCKING PAGE RIGHT UP YOUR ASS AND FIX IT YOURSELF.

She doesn't have any access to the back end.

Guess I'll have to fix it then...

<!doctype confusedRant 😕>

Plot: we need to release our website in two weeks which holds at least a thousand pages. All these pages are manually migrated from the old website, which doesn't have a database. Current status: 650 pages/1000 are completed, 40 different templates need to be adapted. I'm alone on these templates, my colleagues create the pages and fill the new database

So I'm working on the templates a WebDev coded for our website on a licensed CMS, and had this decently simple html block that looks like a square and consisting of roughly this (Emmet style):

a.area > blockquote > strong.title + p

After adding another <a> element inside the p, I noticed that my <a> wouldn't display and bust the whole look of the square.

Just for more details, the CSS the dev made is ultra specified (meaning each element is too precisely "described" : div.class .child .child2 { /* styles */ } when it could be .class .child2 for example). Also, the templates he made need to be compatible with any "module" the website has, thus the need of this high specificity

So I fired up the DevTools to check what happened, and had:

Expected: a.area > blockquote > strong.title + p > a
Actual result: some new a.area were wrapping the <strong>, the <p> and the <a> I just added. The source code was not showing any of this but just the rules I initially wrote - the expected result

Wtf?! I thought the JS the dev made was adding elements. I disabled said JS, and bam, these a.area were still wrapping everything!! What black magic would add these stupid tags I never asked for.

So I went looking in the CSS files in case some wizardry was happening, but everything was OK.

I tried changing my structure, changing tag (swapping a.area to p.area or without .area), HTML just said "nope, have those please".

Eventually I rewrote my own module out of frustration after three quarters of an hour fiddling with this stupid "module". I hate losing time for such shenanigans and under a lot of pressure because of deadlines.

Still haven't figured why those <element>.area would wrap everything out of nowhere...

Back then, I was just about a "computer guru" and friends would often ask me stuff about hardware.

One of them came to me and asked if I could make a website. I accepted despite knowing nothing about html, css, js or PHP.

I then hopped on a tutorial about html and css, and pretty much learned the basics of html in a day, then added some css and got introduced to PHP "as a way to prevent yourself from copy pasting the same bits of html everywhere".

Turned out the client wanted a CMS, which I couldn't do, then I decided I would go to a design/it school. Before finishing my 'studies' (accelerated apprenticeship), I already landed my today's job. As I'm not a "real dev" (more a self taught guy), I'm learning stuff everyday, and today I am comfortable with back end and front end web development

Code is addicting, even more than gaming!

#! usr/bin/rant

Our Entreprise CMS at work (obviously):
- inconsistent UI : check (misplaced buttons, some pages are more developed than others)
- slow: check (average 6 seconds of waiting, with cache)
- loading screen as page transitions covering the whole page, making it impossible to click somewhere else if mistaken, adding +3 seconds to loading : check
- time-based session, inlined in HTML and wildly disconnects you, making you lose all changes : check
- sometimes objects are inaccessible and can't do anything about it : check
- "delete" button next to "edit", delete is bigger and I have already clicked the delete button by accident : check
- can't have local development environment, need to work with integrated editor which has no helping features: check
- first TTFB: adds +2-6 seconds to loading time

TL;DR : a pleasant, developer-friendly, frustration- and rantless CMS to work with, reliable and fast.

I hate iOS. Everything works perfectly on windows / OS X on any browser, but then you have retarded iOS not understanding anything of the (simple) ES5 JavaScript I throw at it, and good luck debugging that when your Mac isn't with you.

Getting tired of Apple's shit

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

Accepted to do an "outside-of-work" job, which is about migrating a website from a CMS to another one, and I have extremely badly estimated the time it would take... Now the guy highly expects the website to be fully delivered at the date I told him... Which is in 21 days... I also lost two weeks since he wanted to migrate to Magento, but being inexperienced on it, barely managed to make it run. Managed to convince him to go on Prestashop... Much easier but so much to do, for such a "small" site (6-7 templates)

I think I need to find some help, and quickly :/ :/

Finally decided to get myself some remote server on DO, faffing around and setting things up, and suddenly I decide to look at my access logs, someone was trying to figure out how to connect to mysql, phpMyAdmin and what's not... Too bad for him I won't have any of those installed until I know how to properly secure all this :)

Heh... Welcome to the real world I guess?

Who the fuck thought "hey! Safari on iOS would be a great idea!"? Decidedly that cuntfuck thought integrating the worst browser on shitty devices everyone faps to was *the* idea of the century.

No Mac? Go fuck yourself in the ass if you want to debug that shit with any device that has the fucking Apple logo. Prolapse™ by ProlApple, or Applapse rather.

My problem? I'm compiling typescript to straight fucking ES5 JS, why the fuck isn't it fucking working on iOS 10.2/3?! Is it still running ES1 Pre-Alpha RC-0.2.7 ?!! Even internet explorer is working...

Gah.

(Not meant to offend anyone, just expressing some frustration)

At a friend's party, I met one of the guys I've known from High school, and talk about what we've become:

Him: ...so yeah, now I study CS, I code some C, I dislike Java, blablablablabla I'm coding some OS and embedded software, blablablabla, and you, what do you code in?

Me: Oh, I learned everything I know by myself, still learning, and I'm mostly doing some PHP and Javascript. Doing websites and apps is cool.

Him: but those aren't programming languages? I mean, you can't manage memory, and blablablabla-

Me: Ó_Õ * Quickly dashed my ass off to talk with some ladies and boozed myself to forget what I just heard *