Yikes. Bad bot, bad!

We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...

Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.

I hate when people call any sort of program that does anything even remotely intelligent looking “AI.” No, there is a very specific distinction between actual artificial intelligence, and a bunch of if-statements.

Le me: writes some handy dandy software for my company

Le my colleague: goes to customer site to do some set up, wants to show customers how do some commands on my tool

Le my colleague: proceeds to open the massive manual I also wrote detailing how to use the tool, closes it immediately saying it's boring

Le my colleague: proceeds to use a very basic command incorrectly, declares it a non-working feature

Le me: ??? *head desk*

MOTHERFUCKER THERE IS EVEN A 'HELP' COMMAND THAT EXPLAINS TO YOU THE SYNTAX IN THE TOOL ITSELF.

Nothing destroys an ego quite like the cold, ruthless testing of your software by the QA team. I humble once more.

If you're using Chrome, use The Great Suspender. Nuff said.

When I'm forced to maintain a C project having recently done a lot of C++:

Compiler: Declaration may not appear after executable statement in block.

Me: dEcLarAtiOn mAy NoT aPpeaR aFtER eXeCuTAblE stAtEmEnt iN BloCk. *pffffttt*

Have you tried turning it off and on again??

Le me: "my code is awesome! The way I did XY and Z is insanely cool, efficient, and maintainable."

Le Boss: "yeah so let's schedule a code review next week."

Le me : "... fuck, Fuck, FUUUUCK!"

Internal Screaming

<rant>why the fuck do live demos NEVER work properly when a day ago the code was fine?? What is this bullshit sorcery!?</rant>

*goes on site looking for free anime to stream*

Site: *popup* we noticed you're using an ad blocker! Please turn it off to continue using our site!

Me, an intellectual: *opens chrome developer tools, finds the HTML for the popup, opens its corresponding CSS and adds display: none; continues watching anime blissfully, without popups and ads*

Who said being a developer wasn't a super power?

Being the only one in my friend group who is a developer, I keep getting asked ridiculous things like "can you install XYZ for me?" "can you get rid of this virus for me?" "Can you fix my microwave?" I wish I was kidding.

When you work with other developers who would, for any feature, small or large, plop in a new library or framework of which they will utilize 1% of... I'm talking about things that we could develop in house in less than a day and have significantly less code bloat... and when you tell them this they smile, nod, and say yeah gotchu, and continue on... AND YOU HAVE TO MAINTAIN THE DAMN THING.

Spent a good part of a year developing some complex software in C for my employer only to find our environment supports C++; all I had to do was drop in a handy dandy "extern c". But why...