Yay another kind of error,
PROGRESS !

I swear, the next time I hear a web developer say to me: "Yeah let's pretend as if the security hole in the website isn't there, because truth be told, i cannot be bothered to fix it."

PM: I want a status report
ME: Here you go (sending email)
PM: I want more status (!?)
ME: Ok (adding some random bullshit)
PM: Perfect, thank you!

The pain when you switched to another IDE and can't find the color scheme that looks comfortable.

Interviewer: "Ok we are searching for a fucking god of the code, if you have a week for work on a new project you must end within 3 days and work on other stuff! And for contract maybe a stage can be a good solution, we can't pay very much, but you must work like a machine and you'll love it cause here we have lots of project!"
Me: "I'm not interested."
Interviewer: "W..what?? Why?? Is there something wrong??"

Everytime a cunt like this ask to a developer to work for him, somewhere in the world a browser crashes

I was explaining to my mom how my company is in need of developers and how we'll need more of them in the future - to which she replied:

"oh... what are you going to do? You can't live without a job!"

- erm? What?

"Well - you're not smart like those guys. You'll probably get fired now."

- Wtf mom!? I'm a friggin lead dev and i've been a developer for like 10 years now!? 😳

*silence* "is that what you've been doing? I thought you just kept clicking on stuff"

Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Hi IT, I can't enter to my computer, i put my password and it says it's incorrect.
Me: Ok, hold me a few.

(10 seconds without do anything)
Me: Try again.
User: It worked! Thanks!!

For a flipping two hours the code wasn't working. Then I saw this single dot instead of comma...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I find it amazing how she was able to write all that code by hand, without any tools to assist her. I don't even want to think about the enormous amount of time she spend debugging that.

Let's do this!

People asking me to make websites...

If you're wondering why your Mac is slow as sh*t, be advised that it's playing Chess during it's free time.

Must have 5yrs experience in a framework that is 4yrs old
-_-\ do you even brain?

QA: You need to write a test script for your new web app before it can go live

Me: ok, I'll write some tests in PHP unit and automate the tests.

QA: Oh, can you do that? We just normally write a list in excel then go through each line and write pass or fail at the end.

Me: yeah, good one.

QA: Umm, I'm not joking.

Queue awkward silence...

Damn it captcha. I didn't bring much lunch, am starving and you pull this shit!!

When I worked as an IT student and was asked what we could do to ensure the destruction of data on old drives. I suggested lighting the office on fire while blindly firing guns into the inferno. To this day I don't know why they laughed.

Interviewed a guy for Java Developer.

He didn't managed to explain his hello world program.

:') :D

He won't be giving java interview anytime soon

The best feel when people actually notice you! thx!!!! @veslav

This one tops the pile for best ... err worst security feature.

<script type = "text/JavaScript">
If( userType != "admin" )
window.location.href = "http://www.example.com";
</script>

What could possibly go wrong?

Christianity vs Javascript

(src: https://twitter.com/hsjoihs/status/...)

some students at their CCNA prep course asked me for help to find the wiring fault.

This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.

That horrible moment when you decide to continue working on a task at home, only to find out you didn't commit your changes in work. Fuck.

True dat

Oh THERES the missing semicolon

Pretty much sums up my life

WORST???

Seeing your code, which you were proud about, now being butchered by some interns/newbies 😲

Just like seeing your X girlfriend after long time 😒

Just rented my first dedicated server. Oh, the freedom!

Project Managers be like "hey bruh, I just wanted to put a meeting half way through your crunch for a deadline to make sure we can meet that dead line"

Guess not everyone knows how much one gigabyte is :/