I need to find a remote job... or want to... had been thinking about the benefits re: annoying coworkers, however I'm teleworking today and realize another pro: cat pair programming ;-) and con: readily available snacks. Hm...

Every time a colleague sends me a zipped bulk of code by email something inside me die...

boss: I sent you a wsdl file.

me: I saw it. But you sent me a json for a rest api request.

boss: You want me to teach you what a wsdl is?

PSA: Don't chase shiny.

Serverless stacks are fast, easy, and cheap... until they're not. 75% of the way through an implementation when the company started to realize that we would be done by now if we continued to use our own infrastructure.

Funny story:

We were going through Sprint Planning on Monday. We got through all of the tasks that we knew we had to get done, then we started going through the backlog to see what we could pull forward.

The guy running the meeting (who's not actually a Scrum master, but whatever) get's to a task, reads it aloud, and goes, "That doesn't ring any bells. Brian, it's in your name, it says it's from May, do you know what the status of this is?

Brian reads through it for about 20 seconds before saying, "That date says it's from 2017. I don't think we need it anymore."

Does anyone else get irrationally annoyed when a team member says "Hi" via slack/messenger etc. and then nothing else until you say "Hi" back, and only then describes what they want?

Dahhhhhh. Stop wasting my time. Just ask what you want.

So I work at a startup working on “cutting edge” technology with two other devs. Our lead engineer is an interesting fellow. The guy never ever writes a single line of code, just looks for similar projects online and receives a lot of credit for it, I have to hand it to him though, he has an ability to scheme through information and pick the gist of what’s going on but when it comes to detail, he’s seriously lacking. We recently started a projects a couple of weeks back and it was supposed to be an easy two days of hacking and we would be done but instead the guy looks for code online copies it I change the necessary variables to match the use case then it doesn’t work. So we’ve spent weeks debugging this code because someone is afraid to get their hands dirty. I can’t complain to the bosses because they’re not techies and the trust him more since I’m still new to the company.
I love their attitude though, they honestly believe they have a chance against some giants in tech and from the actual talent I’ve witnessed they’ll only get there through sheer luck.
I have to sit there and listen to them shit on more successful tech companies and that they have better ideas.
Maybe someone can change my mind on this issue as I’m still young and new to this industry.

Servers running with no issues for the last 3 years, goes down 30min before boarding a 14 hour flight

Having no process at all;

Just randomly choose between texts, FB Messenger, WhatsApp, voice clips, and spread over random points in time..

If you do this to me: Yes. I hate you.

story points that equate to hours.
1 = 1 hour
2 = 1-2 hours
3 = 3-4 hours
5 = 6-8 hours
8 = Kill. Me.
13 = Now.

Time tracking. 😡🤮 If I’m salaried and only working on one project for one client, why the hell should I waste my time making weekly reports of how many hours I spent coding, reviewing pull requests, and sitting in (mostly pointless) meetings?

Self reviews. They're stupid and people aren't good at it.

Just tell me how I did.

Big companies be like :

For whatever ungodly reason my containers library, which has extensive testing, profiling, and benchmarks against other containers libraries receives regular emails directed towards me about it, always one of two things

1) "don't reinvent the wheel" I have to assume these people haven't looked at the performance characteristics or features at all. I didn't waste away weeks of my life. I needed something and couldn't find it anywhere. I'm outperforming many crap implementations by nearly an order of magnitude, and can offer queries upon the containers in both generalized and specialized forms. As an analogy, I made airless 3d printed wheels, and people are regularly telling me I should still be using ancient wooden spoke wheels; they probably would argue in favor of using a horse drawn carriage as well. How is it possible technically minded people can also be so anti-progress?

2) "Please rewrite this in X language." You know what? YOU rewrite it. I chose what I did because it made it easy to do what I needed to do. Hilariously, the languages I get asked to use most often, are the same who's containers libraries perform worst in the benchmarks.

Both sound like half baked developers trying to sound superior. Pull your head out of your ass and actually outperform me and others. I'm so fucking sick of this "all talk no action" bullshit.

Debugging is now a breeze

......

Writing "every other f*****g language" after Python is pure frustration

Every fucking time. 😂

Developer is that machine who turns

;:''?*(){}=×+. Into this. $¥€¢£₹

Me: *spends 4+ hours refactoring existing spaghetti, ensuring components are modular, easier to test and fault tolerant*

Project manager: ...

Also me: *adds pre-loader image to register and login buttons when user submits form*

Project manager: *All excited* Awesome work. 🙌That's some nice improvement..

Like wtf dude 😳..

My takeaway: These noobs only care about what they can directly interact with

Keep your rubber friend away from high temperature :(

//not mine

One day programs will write themselves.

Today, I was so certain that all the functionalities were implemented to handle some webhook calls from a third-party service. It's a script I wrote that has been running for 2+ years uninterrupted or without any issues.

We got some "complaints/notices" today that some "special" actions weren't registered, so I thought that the third-party service just didn't send those actions via their webhook. After some research I found a part where they explained that those actions trigger the webhook like any other action etc. So..

First thought: "okay, maybe they implemented that at a later stage" (was not the case)
Second thought: "maybe this is not what the client meant" (it was)
Third thought: "Then it should have been implemented" (it wasn't)

Okay, time to look at the code to see where this could get handled but apparently isn't. All the actions look good, nice, clean handeling etc, nicely documented code (gave the 'past-me' mentally a high-five)..

I scroll further down to that specific action and it was quiet obvious why it didn't work.. I just see an empty function with the comment:

"//TODO: maybe handle this action one day. don't know what this does atm, probably unused.. Will take a look at it next week.."

.. :D

I took my 'high-five' back..I just needed to copy-paste some other code and change 1-2 parameters..

Am I the only one who really wants to watch "Master Coder" ?

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Senior: Why did you refactor those ten files?

Junior: There was a method copy-pasted in every one of them, so I moved it to a utils class.

Senior: Don't you know we will have to test all of those changed classes again? Please, rollback!

Junior: ok.

... two days later ...

Senior: Why did you just copy-paste that method? Don't you know it's bad practice?

SOAP...

Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.

AWS is so complicated, it could be a full-time job to only understand all their names and stuff

Le me at the end of an interview

Recruiter: What is your salary expectations

*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*

Me: well, about x USD.

Recruiter: that's ok for us.

Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.