Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Two unit tests, no integration tests.

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

Bf: what you doing?
Me: coding
Bf: do you ever stop working?!
Me: I'm not 'working', I'm doing my own project.
Bf: but you do that at work. Why do you want to keep doing it?
Me: it's fun?

--- a few days later ---

Bf: what you doing?
Me: reading.
Bf: omg you're not coding! What are you reading?
Me: a book about coding
Bf: *faceplam*

I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode

Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN

IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS

Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.

IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.

Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate- I was in Yale.

HR - Oh wow that's great! You're hired!

Candidate - Yay! I got a yob!

Told a teacher I finished a week worth of exercises, and asked for the next one
"This code is not yours. It's too clean, redo everything"

... what, is it wk64 already ?

Awesome feedback! 😃

Made me chuckle!

Was browsing job sites and noticed an 'experienced sysadmin' job (Linux).

Everything seemed pretty interesting and then I saw this line (at what they offer):

Free own domain with hosting!

That's genuinely cute offering that to an experienced Linux sysadmin. Not saying every sysadmin has this but I for example have like 10 domain names and a bunch of servers.

Yeah that looked cute 😆

This may sound odd but I find myself more productive when I use linux. The whole environment kind of helps me to concentrate on the work.

Bad news is I always Windows 😞

I just saw this shout-out by alexa developers. Thx to the skill developer for creating new ways of using DevRant

Did it!!! I summoned the monkeys. 🐒🐒🐒

What the actual...?

😀😀😀😁😁😁😁😆😆

Wanna learn coding in single night?

Just like the silence before the storm 😁😁😁

Cybersecurity:
>nothing happens
>I can't believe we pay your useless ass to sit around doing nothing all day!
>something happens
>this is your fault

Stack Overflow is the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their programming knowledge, and build their careers.

But don't worry, no one will ever answer you lol.

Going to sleep now. (Devious Me) 😈
[you'll know what I mean]

Torvalds doesn't give a fuck

Knowledge is knowing how to fix a computer.

Wisdom is knowing to start by rebooting.

"History is never made by those who use Incognito browsers" - Anonymous

They say developers don't have social lives...

Over one half of my total commits on GitHub have been from just Fridays and Saturdays...

I mean, I guess they're not wrong.

The struggle

What was your first programming language ?

Wow, Facebook,this is amazing.

Back in ninth grade.
Ouch..
(But I made a pretty decent game with it xD)

diskpart and I think this photo is enough to explain why...