Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

Unpaid internships are the worst thing. You exploit young people and promise them experience. Seriously business makes tons of money yet they come with ways to exploit a young person in IT. I think it is evil.

LOL!!!

Remember one date where GF and I made a game, with a jumping cat, using python.

:3

We were forced to do a Friday deploy of a new project. I, smartly, decided to bring my laptop with me on a "couples date". I spent the entire evening trying to fix a screwed up deploy from a restaurant.

Wife was NOT happy.

Bold of you to assume I ever had a date.

for fucks sake

1) no more "can you fix my printer?"

2) no more "but you're the IT guy!"

3) no more "can you fix my printer?"

1. No release Friday

2. No release Friday

3. No release Friday

I tried to imagine how a Dev Genie could look. 😅

I once changed all my error messages to say “Processed successfully” because I had a demo yet the software was very buggy.

I bought myself time to fix the bugs later.

#demoHack

#10yearchallenge

100% 😂😂😂

10 years challenge. GGWP
MVC = MySQL Vue Codeigniter 😂

Who among you devs ends up coding with 4 or maybe 5 different languages in one day !!! And by languages I mean C++, Python, JavaScript and Java for Android.

You’ve all heard of bug is a feature, but have you heard of feature is a bug?

1 . Seen it
2 . Mind blown
3 . Why i didn't thought of that
I loveee the ideea

assignment: use winAPI to create a "virus" that put itself in autorun and does nothing.

me, a curious student: does the assignment and adds a heap corruption code just as a joke.

after sending the assignment to the teacher I realized that I have sent the real virus.

result: teacher comes next lesson without a computer and stares at me silently and viciously.

we'll see what happens next
any idea on what's going on in his head?

He’s making a database
He’s sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behaviour = ‘nice’
SQL clause is coming to town

One does not simply uninstall visual studio...one has to first update the installer

Most helpful error log ever...

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

Why did the integer drown?

Because it wouldn't float.

Worst part of being a dev?
Unanswered stackoverflow question that exactly matches your problem

That's real hot ...

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

those spiders...

Dear gradle, no offense but I believe Rome took less time to build!

No. More. Writing. Code. On. A. Fucking. Piece. Of. Paper.

 (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

To all new devs:
- Your language of choice is fine.
- There is no superior way to indent, yours is fine.
- Your IDE is fine.
- Your OS is fine.

Unless you work in my team, of course.