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Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️14 -
Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?
Me: sure, of course.
Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.
Me: ... wait, then it's not done.
Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.
Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.
Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.
Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.
Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.
Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.
Dev: I don't.
Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.
Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.
Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.
Dev: but it is done.
Me: no it's not.
Dev: it is, look.
Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.
Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?
Me: are you going to make more changes?
Dev: yes.
Me: then no.
Dev: why?
Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.
Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.
Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....
Dev: but I am happ.....
Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.
Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.
Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.
Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.
Me: there you go.32 -
Me: We have a new research project for you. We need you to test these 2 new services, see how they will fit into the new application, look at alternatives if necessary etc. At the end we need you to write a report with your findings, showing how you would integrate them to achieve X, Y and Z, and how much it would cost each month.
Dev: sounds good, I'll come back to you when I have it.
*2 and a half weeks later*
Document paragraph 1: The new language translation service doesn't support the languages we need.
Document paragraph 2: Here's my proposal for integrating the new language translation service.
*review*
Me: So I had a look at the doc and it says it doesn't support the languages.
Dev: yeah unfortunately not.
Me: Ok, so when you discovered that, why didn't you look for an alternative? Or come back to me and say it's not going to work.
Dev: I dunno, I thought you'd want to see the rest of the research first.
Me: ... not if we know for 100% undeniable fact that it will never function.
Dev: Ah ok, I didn't think of that. I'll do that next time, don't worry.
... aw how sweet, he thinks there will be a next time. Poor guy.2 -
Backstory: Offering manager brings a project through a few months of requirements gathering / feasibility study etc. Project spends 8 months with a R&D team to flesh out. Our team gets 6 months to turn it into a ship able product. 4 months in, offering manager calls a meeting.
OM: ok so you are all working on project X, well I need your input on something
Team: Ok, go ahead
OM: what do you think the app needs to do?
Team: ... I'm sorry?
OM: well we've been looking at it, and we don't think it does very much compared to existing apps. We need a killer feature but we don't know what. Any ideas?
Team: well we were looking at project Y originally, which was a lot more advanced. But you pulled the plug in favour of this.
OM: yeah, believe me customers will want project X a lot more. It just needs to do something interesting ... you know what I mean?
Team: not really, if it doesn't have anything, why did we go for it?
OM: ok I don't think I'm being clear. Point is, if anyone has any ideas let me know, we need to ship it in 2 months and it needs to be killer
I handed in my notice that week and was asked why ... let's just say I told them. -
Well today I got a fantastic surprise (truthfully). We hired a dev some months ago, who was on 6 months probation and, to put it politely, he was not going to pass it.
*side note: for details of some of the above, read my last 10 or so rants. They are pretty much all him.
Anyway, management put him on an improvement plan to make sure everything was fair, it wasn't working out, but they said we had to finish it to be fair.
So we had another 2 weeks left when he announced last night he's leaving for a new junior role, technical but not a dev.
Months of stress, heartache, bewilderment, late nights and weekends all just came to an end.
The English language fails me to express my overwhelming joy at this moment. The only way I can come close to it is to say that when he made his announcement, a colleague told me I should stop smiling as it could be taken as being rude.
I'd like to take this moment to thank the community for supporting me over the past few difficult months. Without you I probably would have tried to kill him with my dev rant stressball.
Thanks,
practiseSafeHex8 -
Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.
Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"
Debugging:
Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.
Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.
Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".
*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*
App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?
Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.
Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*
Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?
Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.
Mam: but why was it opened there?
Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*
If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.
I am suspicious of one thing though.
Mam: what's that?
Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.
Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.
Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.20 -
Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.
Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"
Debugging:
Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"
Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?
Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?
Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.
Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?
Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.
Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.
Friend: ... so you can't find it then.
Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.
Friend: oh **** off.6 -
So we had a dev on our team who was on a performance improvement plan, wasn't going to pass it, but decided to quit before it was over saving us 2 weeks.
I was ecstatic when he left (caused us hell). I knew updating his code wouldn't be great, but he was only here 6 months
"how bad could it be" - practiseSafeHex - moron, idiot, suicidal.
A little run down would be:
- Despite the fact that we use Angular 2+, one of his apps is Angular 1 ... Nobody on the team has ever used Angular 1.
- According to his package.json he seems to require both mongoDb and Cloudant (couchDb).
- Opened up a config file (in plaintext) to find all the API keys and tokens.
- Had to rename all the projects (micro services) because they are all following a different style of camelcase and it was upsetting my soul.
- All the projects have a "src" folder for ... you know ... the source code, except sometimes we've decided to not use it for you know, reasons.
- Indentation is a mess.
- He has ... its like ... ok I don't even know wtf that is suppose to be.
- Curly braces follow a different pattern depending on the file you open. Sometimes even what function you look at.
- The only comments, are ones that are not needed. For example 30+ lines of business logic and model manipulation ... no comment. But thank god we have a comment over `Fs.readFile(...)` saying /* Read the config file */. Praise Jesus for that one, would have taken me all week to figure that out.
Managers have been asking me how long the "clean up" will take. They've been pushing me towards doing as little as possible and just starting the new features on top of this ... this "code".
The answer will be ... no ... its getting deleted, any machine its ever been on is getting burned, and any mention of it will be grounds for death.6 -
Acceptable places to leave your bag when you get in, in the morning:
- Under your desk
- On your desk
- Infront of your locker
- On the back of your chair
- etc.
Unacceptable, is to throw your bag behind you and to the right, so it ends up in the middle of the floor and behind my chair.
Consistent use of this space, and me tripping over it will result in 2 things:
1. I will intentionally run over your bag, back and forth until I am satisfied everything is broken.
2. I will then pickup said bag and throw it, with force, at your head.4 -
PM: You know that screen that pops up at the start of the app asking for permission to access health data?
Me: Yeah the iOS HealthKit permission screen. What about it?
PM: Can you take that out. I don't think people are going to agree to it. I want people to use the app.
Me: Well we can't do that, apple says if we want to use HealthKit we have to ask for permission. We shouldn't be touching that data without permission anyway.
PM: Oh no permission is fine I get that, but is it not implied by downloading the app, its clearly a health app. I really don't want people to download it and then uninstall it because they don't like this.
Me: Not really, not everyone will know what data is needed, some of it might be sensitive to them.
PM: Nah I don't buy into that. I asked 5 of my friends on the golf course at the weekend and 3 of them said they wouldn't agree to it, thats 60% of our user base, we can't have that.
Me: ... ok, well I don't agree that your 5 friends is a fair sample to judge the whole world by, either way we have no choice.
Pm: No this isn't going to fly, can we not build our own HealthKit that doesn't have this kind of permission screen? Maybe we could start our own, and invite our partners to use it?
Me: ... no
Pm: why not? We'll have legal draw up something we put in the terms and conditions.
Me: ... it will take months to build for all the different types of devices we have, if they even let us get access to them, and then we will have a different standard to everyone else.
Pm: ... no your not seeing the big picture, i'll run the idea up the ladder.
**It was approved up the ladder, and subsequently cancelled when they realised the scale of the work involved which is both a "thank god" and a "wtf" moment**7 -
What is it with this team and the developers it attracts. 2 devs joined and left, both had several years of experience, both couldn’t google an issue to save their lives and needed to be helped 24/7.
Now we are mentoring a PHD student for a piece of his project. Dude was left stumped by an error message that said “Can’t find file at path ...” because the path didn’t exist. He spent a few hours trying to fix it before asking for help.
How, HOW are people getting through college / university without being able to read, or debug such a simple fucking error message2 -
Background:
New guy on our team, deadline coming up. I bring him into a meeting room, explain what the project is about, quick run down of the code. Then spent a while explaining what we have to do next, gave him a piece to do, took a piece to do myself.
The fuck up:
A few days / week pass by and I ask to check on his progress. Fucktard decided an hour after the meeting that it would be easier for him to use a different database than what the project was using and decided he wanted to work on some other feature instead.
My stuff was dependent on his stuff, so not only did he not do his work but stopped me from delivering mine.
Let’s just say there was a few stern words in a meeting room shortly after that.1 -
A dev I know has changed his LinkedIn job title to “software extraordinaire”
... and he’s hopeless so it’s not even true2 -
For this episode of practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker were going to move past developers and go straight to a CEO.
*sitcom audience oooooohhhhhhh*
I know! , always risky, everyone has a bad story, but lets try bring it home. Here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 2, "R".
R was ... now how do I say this ... R was a special kind of Bastard. A perfect blend of impatient, arrogant, a dickhead and to borrow a phrase from family guy "below the line of mental retardation".
I've actually spoken about him recently here: https://devrant.com/rants/1141873/...
I won't bother duplicating the content here, but its worth a read.
Some of the other highlights of R include:
- Not understanding that my first demo was UI / Frontend only (despite frequent explanations). I didn't slack off for the next 2 weeks, I was busy making all those buttons actually do stuff and connect to the server. Shockingly "Test 1", "Test 2" and "Lorem ipsum" wasn't our content.
- He once asked how long a bunch of tasks was going to take, I told him 2 weeks and he gave me 2 and a half days. He pulled me into a meeting the next week to see where it all was, and I literally sat there saying "I asked for 2 weeks" over and over until he shut up.
- R's favourite phrase was "when I was a developer", typically followed by some sort of insult, forever labelling him "asshole" by everyone who has ever worked for him.
- When apple launched iOS 7 and changed the UI and the methods you could use, he refused to invest the time in upgrading to iOS 7, but demanded the app look like an iOS 7 app. No amount of "There is no method to access the status bar in iOS 6" could make him comprehend the issue at hand.
- The worst was when I was dealing with an issue to do with 64bit being introduced (which I tried to explain ... christ give me strength). When another dev fixed a similar but unrelated issue he stood up in front of the office and said loudly "pfft practiseSafeHex tried to tell me this was something to do with 64bit, which made absolutely no sense, guess he doesn't know what he's talking about"
Thankfully I handed in my notice ... after less than 2 months, making in abundantly clear why. Will R make it to the top of the list of most incompetent?
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!12 -
Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.
--- 3 months previous ---
Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.
CEO: documentation? on what?
Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.
CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.
lead dev: ..... eh ok
O2: *approved*
... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.3 -
Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!
*sitcom audience cheers*
Thank you, thank you. Ok so far we've had a developer from hell and a CEO who shot to fame for being the first rectum to receive a passport and be given a job.
2 pretty strong entrants if you ask me. But its time to slow it down and make sure everyone gets a fair chance. Its not all just about the psychopaths and assholes, what about the general weirdo's and the stoners who just made life awkward?
So here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 3, "A".
"A" was a bit of an unusual developer, despite having a few years experience in his home country, he applied for an unpaid internship to come work with us ... probably should have rang alarm bells but hey we were all young and dumb back then.
I had to say I felt very bad for A, as he suffered from 2 very serious, and job crippling personal conditions / problems
- Email induced panic attacks
- Extreme multifaceted attachment disorder (also known in layman terms as "get the fuck away from me, and do your job" syndrome)
While he never openly discussed these conditions, it was clear from working with him, that he had gone undiagnosed for years. Every time an email would come in no matter how simple ... even the services team asking to confirm his staff ID, would send him into a panic causing him to drop everything he was doing and like a homing missile find me anywhere in the building and ask me what to do.
Actually "A" also suffered from a debilitating literacy issue too, leaving him completely unable to read our internal wiki's himself. Every week we had to follow a set of steps to upgrade something and every week to mask his issue, he'd ask me what to do instead ... no matter how many times I sat with him previously ... must have been truly embarrassing for him.
But "A"'s finest moment in the company, by far, was the day where out of the blue, at the top of his voice (as if wearing headphones ... without wearing headphones) he asked
"DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO SELLS POT?"
... why no, manager of the entire department standing behind you, I do not
... why no, tech lead talking to manager, I do not
... why hello 50% of my team staring at me ... no "A", I do not!
Needless to say all our team meetings were a little awkward for the next few weeks after that but hey who doesn't like being thought of as a stoner / drug dealer by their team mates huh?
Will A make it to the top of the list of most incompetent? Well he has some truly logic defining competition yet to be announced.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!15 -
Its that time of the morning again where I get nothing done and moan about the past ... thats right its practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
Today I'd like to tell you the story of "i". Interesting about "I" is that he was actually a colleague of yesterdays nominee "G" (and was present at the "java interface" video call, and agreed with G!): https://devrant.com/rants/1152317/...
"I" was the spearhead of a project to end all projects in that company. It was suppose to be a cross-platform thing but ended up only working for iOS. It was actually quite similar to this: https://jasonette.com/ (so similar i'm convinced G / I were part of this but I can't find their github ID's in it).
To briefly explain the above + what they built ... this is the worst piece of shit you can imagine ... and thats a pretty strong statement looking back at the rest of this series so far!
"I" thought this would solve all of our problems of having to build similar-ish apps for multiple customers by letting us re-use more code / UI across apps. His main solution, was every developers favourite part of writing code. I mean how often do you sit back and say:
"God damn I wish more of this development revolved around passing strings back and forth. Screw autocomplete, enums and typed classes / variables, I want more code / variables inside strings in this library!"
Yes thats right, the main part of this bullshittery was putting your entire app, into JSON, into a string and downloading it over http ... what could possibly go wrong!
Some of my issues were:
- Everything was a string, meaning we had no autocomplete. Every type and property had to be remembered and spelled perfectly.
- Everything was a string so we had no way to cmd + click / ctrl + click something to see somethings definition.
- Everything was a string so any business logic methods had to be remembered, all possible overloaded versions, no hints at param types no nothing.
- There was no specific tooling for any of this, it was literally open up xcode, create a json file and start writing strings.
- We couldn't use any of the native UI builders ... cause strings!
- We couldn't use any of the native UI layout constructs and we had to use these god awful custom layout managers, with a weird CSS feel to them.
What angered me a lot was their insistence that "You can download a new app over http and it will update instantly" ... except you can't because you can't download new business logic only UI. So its a new app, but must do 100% exactly the same thing as before.
His other achievements include:
- Deciding he didn't like apple's viewController and navigationBar classes and built his own, which was great when iOS 7 was released (changed the UI to allow drawing under the status bar) and we had no access to any of apples new code or methods, meaning everything had to be re-built from scratch.
- On my first week, my manager noticed he fucked up the login error handling on the app I was taking over. He noticed this as I was about to leave for the evening. I stayed so we could call him (he was in an earlier timezone). Rather than deal with his fucked up, he convinced the manager it would be a "great learning experience" for me to do it ... and stay in late ... while he goes home early.
- He once argued with me in front of the CEO, that his frankenstein cross-platform stuff was the right choice and that my way of using apples storyboards (and well thought out code) wasn't appropriate. So I challenged him to prove it, we got 2 clients who needed similar apps, we each did it our own way. He went 8 man weeks over, I came in 2 days under and his got slated in the app store for poor performance / issues. #result.
But rather than let it die he practically sucked off the CEO to let him improve the cross platform tooling instead.
... in that office you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a retard.
Having had to spend a lot more time working with him and more closely than most of the other nominees, at a minimum "I" is on the top of my list for needing a good punch in the face. Not for being an idiot (which he is), not for ruining so much (which he did), but for just being such an arrogant bastard about it all, despite constant failure.
Will "I" make it to most incompetent? Theres some pretty stiff competition so far
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!6 -
Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*
We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:
- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings
Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!
*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*
Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason
*audience: ooooohhhhh*
You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.
*audience: laughs*
Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.
Backstory:
We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!
... oh to have a time machine
Working with C:
- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.
- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".
- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.
- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.
- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.
- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.
- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.
... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.
- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:
Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"
... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?
- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.
- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).
- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.
- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.
- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.
- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?
You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.
I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.
Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex20 -
Today, I was telling a team member who joined recently to refer a GitHub repo, fork it and start working.
That person asks me, "Why GitHub, why should I access it etc". I blanked out after hearing the first question, so whatever said after that wasn't registered in my mind.
I asked that person "how did you do it in your previous org ?"
The response was, "we zip the code at end of everyday and store it as draft in our mailbox"
I stormed out of the workplace, even though it was just around mid of the day...10 -
wk87 is a dangerous topic for me, i've been through a lot. I apologise for what I am about to inflict on this network over the coming week.
Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 1, "T".
T was an embedded C developer who talked openly about how he's been writing code since he was 14, knew all the C system libraries and functions like the back of his hand. For the most part, he did ... but not how to actually use them, as (based on his shocking ... well everything) he was inflicted by some sort of brain disorder not yet fully understood by medical science. Some highlights:
- Myself and the CTO spent 4 days teaching him what a circle buffer was and how to build one.
- His final circle buffer implementation had about 3 times as much code as he actually needed.
- When the code was running too slowly on the device, we didn't try find any performance improvements, or debug anything to see if there was anything taking too long. No not with T, T immediately blamed TCP for being inefficient.
- After he left we found a file called "TCP-Light" in his projects folder.
- He accused the CTO of having "violent tendencies" because he was playing with a marker tossing it up in the air and catching it.
- He once managed to leave his bank statements, jumper and TROUSERS in the bathroom and didn't realise until a building wide email went out.
- He once .... no hang on, seriously his fucking trousers, how?
- He accused us all of being fascists because we gave out to him for not driving with his glasses, despite the fact his license says he needs to (blind as a bat).
... why were his trousers off in the first place? and how do you forget ... or miss the pile of clothes and letters in a small bathroom.
Moving on, eventually he was fired, but the most depressing thing of all about T, is that he might not even be top of my list.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!11 -
practiseSafeHex’s most incompetent co-worker follow up: Candidate 1, “T”.
(For those wondering WTF I’m talking about: https://devrant.com/rants/1148190/...)
Forgot to mention something that happened with T that I find hilarious. T had a pretty profound effect on the company / team. It was a small startup, CEO + 4 of us, so we were all kinda close.
The day T was fired we decided this was too big of a moment to forget, so we created T_____ day, and to this day despite all working in different places we still meet up for drinks on October 24th to celebrate getting rid of that nut bag.2 -
I worked on a greenfield project a couple of years ago. The company had an old solution written in Omnis (heard of it? Yeah, me neither) with an SQL database. My team was to create a completely new web based system... on top of the old database, so the customers could keep their existing stuff.
The dba was an intelligent man, one of the nicest people I've met, and over the course of fifteen years he had made a remarkably terrifying monstrosity of a database. Some years before me they wanted to "future proof" the system and make it "easier to switch to new technologies". So they moved the entire business logic into the database...
I used a tool to create a visualization of said database when we started. It had no views, only tables and sprocs. Look at it! Tables and sprocs are rectangles (well, dots) and any connections are drawn in grey lines. There were no foreign keys, so a tables only visualization only yielded a collection of independent rectangles without a single line.
Now, the stored procedures were bloody MASSIVE. A single procedure that only registered a new interested party and attached them to a property had 2500+ lines and over 150 parameters.
Also, this dba added features and fixed bugs by logging into the respective customers production server and writing SQL.
That database is the stupidest thing I've ever seen a developer do.
35 -
My coworker left his Windows 10 system unlocked today.
Me:
1. Print screen on desktop
2. Saves the image
3. Sets image as wallpaper
4. Hides desktop icons
5. Changes taskbar alignment to the right and enables auto hide.
6. 🤣🤣🤣37
