Excuse me what the fuck

I just met a whole new level of obnoxious scam mail: Google calendar invites. WTH. You can't even block it.

That moment when your client expects the design mockup to "go live".

Manager calling me at 9PM on a Saturday.

Fucking no-brained, zero balls cunt.

I didn't pick, of course. I dont take calls on the weekend.

I text a colleague to warn him, turns out he's already recieved a call from the cunt.

Does weekend not mean anything to you managerial mother fuckers?

When we finally get to Mars, all programmers on Earth will scream in pain over having to program another timezone

I didn’t want to wait for the adapter to come in…

Sudo trees

Oh well

Today my current company fuck itself.

We were in negotiations about the end of my contract/mission, I want to quit to create a company around AI.

And the actual chairman said to me "You think too highly of yourself. I could find a tenth of people to replace you so shut up and take what we offer".

30 minutes later they received my resignation. 1h after that, the 15 dev under me resigned (after two year working with us they are clearly under paid). At the end of the day, the Head of product and the two good PO resigned.

This morning I get an email, talking about suing me as I made everyone resigned and asking for a meeting.
So I went to the meeting with a lawyer, they weren't expecting it. Boring legal stuff came after that.

And the funny fact: at the end of the meeting the CIO, chief ops and the SRE resigned as well.... As they didn't want to have the run it without all the team...

Funny day :)

Last month the main product, 90% of the company use it, was launched. And in three months 80% if the IT profiles will be out...

I hired a new developer after careful screening and interviewing many candidates.

First thing he's asking first day on the job
- I have already booked august month for holiday, is that a problem?
- I need to come 2 hours before anyone else in the morning and leave 2 hours before, everyday because I have things to do at home.
- I've seen that espn.com sport news are blocked by the firewall, why is that?
- I've installed bitTorrent on my PC but it's very slow downloading movies

I hope he's good.

Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

Overheard from the room next to mine:
Person 1: My computer is frozen ..
Person 2 (Not a native English speaker): Did you try to shut down and shut up ?

Good News - TikTok is banned in India

Her: Who are you texting over there?

Me: Texting my new girlfriend.

Her: 😒

Me: Jk, it's devrant.

Her: I knew it, you're texting that girl Devranta.

Web and IE8 in nutshell

Everyone should learn to code" is a movement to flood the market with Software Engineers so that salaries can be reduced.

Conspiracy theory that I just read on reddit and sounds about right.
Would you feel the same?

CEO: I've got a great idea to entice users, we increase our prices 20% and give 20% discount.

Oh god, please tell me you're not serious.

Implementing a while loop subconsciously

Was looking at a Back End Dev job posting and one of the requirements is Photoshop.

.....

PHOTOSHOP

My boss intentionally changed my IDE font color to black since im using dark theme. I was literally confused a solid 30 minutes.

FFFFUUUUUCK

Had a PR blocked yesterday. Oh god, have I introduced a memory leak? Have I not added unit tests? Is there a bug? What horrible thing have I unknowingly done?

... added comments to some code.

Yep apparently “our code needs to be readable without comments, please remove them”.

Time to move on, no signs of intelligent life here.

LMFAOOOOOOO

Kenyans lost these great devs in a terror attack. A moment of silence

They call it $5/gb hotel wifi, i call it free uncapped 100meg fibre because your security sucks

Oh and they host their entire POS (and database with backups) on the same network accessible to every TV in the hotel

Sometimes I wish devRant had private messaging feature.

Then I see spammers and 12 year old script kiddies around here and I realize why we don't have it.

If I had a dollar every time a non software engineer used the word "just" in a sentence...

"Just" convert this Matlab code to C++

"Just" make it faster

"Just" have it done in a week

MKBHD's new year res

Uhh... That's cool! Someone hacked the public website for Dublin's tram system...

I'm at my seat during the regular morning routine of checking emails, planning the things I need to complete/study when my phone rings.

HR: Good Morning, can you come over to the conference room please ?

Me: Sure

I enter the conference room and on the other side of the table, I see a group of 3 HR Managers (not a very nice feeling), especially when it was 10 months into my first job as a Trainee Software Developer.

HR: The company hasn't been performing as expected. For this reason, we've been told to cut down our staff. We're sorry but we have to let you go. You've been doing a great job all along. Thank you.

Me: ---- (seriously ?!)

The security-in-chief 'escorts' me out of the premises and I hand over the badge. I'm not allowed to return to my desk.

This happened about 16 years ago. But it stuck with me throughout my programming career.

A couple of Lessons Learnt which may help some of the developers today :

- You're not as important as you think, no matter what you do and how well you do it.
- Working hard is one thing, working smart is another. You'll understand the difference when your appraisals comes around each year.
- Focus on your work but always keep an eye on your company's health.
- Be patient with your Manager; if you're having a rough time, its likely he/she is suffering more.
- Programming solo is great fun. However it takes other skills that are not so interesting, to earn a living.
- You may think the Clients sounds stupid, talks silly and demands the stars; ever wonder what they think about you.
- When faced with a tough problem, try to 'fix' the Client first, then look for a solution.
- If you hate making code changes, don't curse the Client or your Manager - we coders collectively created a world of infinite possibilities. No point blaming them.
- Sharing your ideas matter.
- Software Development is a really long chain of ever-growing links that you may grok rather late in your career. But its still worth all the effort if you enjoy it.

I like to think of programming as a pursuit that combines mathematical precision and artistic randomness to create some pretty amazing stuff.

Thanks for reading.

based on true story
> delivered project on time
> giving good performance
> boss noticed
> gives appreciation
> raise in salary
> profit