Code coverage

They call Python, C, Java, Ruby, and stuff like that programming 'LANGUAGES' for a reason. I just wrote a Python dictionary literal in my C# code and was clueless as to why it was failing to compile for five minutes straight. Maybe that was because I was working with Python like 30 minutes ago.
It's like I have to have one 'brain' per one language and need to switch between such 'brains' to write code in another language. And such switches take time.

Hello guys. Today I bring you my personal top 3 programming languages

🥇 Go
🥈 TypeScript
🥉 Java

🏅Honorable mention: Free Pascal

Thanks for reading

funniest thing today: PM asking me to create a Jira subtask for EACH class / data type of the data model that I'm CURRENTLY concipating / designing in this story.

maybe I should write a Jira / Enterprise Architect integrated tool that updates Jira tasks based on my modeling actions, and count minutes until our sysadmin arrives at my desk.

jeez, that guy really has a fetish for kafkaesque bureaucracy.🤦‍♀️

I've been working as a programmer for 16 years now, and would say I'm not inexperienced, so it's frustrating to feel like a noob after months at a new company when they have poor internal documentation, hundreds of repos with default readme, pretty much no use of docker, sub standard equipment and use their own weird software for deployment. It's hard to meet expectations under these conditions.

Interviewer: We keep having devs take off for other opportunities after a short period of time. We need someone loyal who will be sticking around for the long haul. Oh wait, you only have one dev company you’ve worked for on your resume? Yeah that’s not good, we only hire devs who have worked for lots and lots of companies.

Dev: …

The worst part of being a senior software engineer for a team is that the legacy code of the company is not clear, and there's no documentation.

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

Definitely Git, Node, Composer and PHP at the moment.
It's fucking incredible how you have such tools for free.
The younger generations have it much easier to get into programming.

Manager: Please make that text in plane white.

FullStackClown: Oooo, that's a tough one. What's plane white?

Manager: Are you serious? You literally don't know what the color white is?

FullStackClown: Well sure I know what white is, but I'm not sure what plane white is, there are dozens of airliners, and I'm sure they all have slightly different shades of what they are using for their light color in branding...

Manager: ...

FullStackClown: ...

How the fuck am I going to make a fucking email signature appear the same everywhere when the client insists in using a piece of shit software called Outlook and I am a goddam backend developer.

I don't give a shit about spacing and color and stupid fucking fonts.

Thank for listening. Have a great day.

I quit and my last day is next week.

Apparently management has decided that I should spend my last day implementing a new feature for a customer where I have been the only developer, and release it to production (without first implementing it in test) the same day. A feature that potentially could cripple a whole workflow if done wrong.

Of course I advised not to release untested code to production on a friday, just before the only person that knows how it works leaves the company. But no, “the customer reaaaaaally wants it before summer, so just be careful not to write any bugs”.

I’m not saying that I’m intentionally gonna write bad code - but if I do, I’m not gonna pick up the phone when it calls.

I hired a guy on upwork. His english is shit. But hes done the work correctly. Fast forward today he asked me "off topic question but do u have any female friend who can accompany me to fuck?"

WTF IS THIS SHIT

That is not professional AT ALL. I dont give a shit about the fact he cant get no bitches so hes begging me as if im some kind of a pimp. On upwork?? Gtfo.

Now i understand why companies want to hire only people with college DEGREES because they have went through the process of conforming and dont ask stupid shit questions. Eliminates a lot of bullshit and Neanderthals like this guy

Ffs

Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix

Got a mail from a recruiter.... offering me a role in a company......where I'm currently working....in the said role.

Honestly the same for me always looking up how to do a SQL join.

Was on call last night. I get a phone call at 3 am that all of our clients projects (including one that was launching at 5 am) was missing libraries (thus causing the sites to not work). I was able to fix all of the errors but one (missing jQuery). Couldn’t figure out how to fix for the life of me. Had to call my boss and wake her up because I forgot I could just download it from the site. Feeling like a failure for something so small.

I got a job! (Not the place from last rant lol)

Party at my place. Bring your own drugs.

First we were called "rockstar" developers.

Then HR started using "heroes".

Then "tigers" and some confused associates who didn't get the memo used various other big cats.

Now they're starting to call us "product warriors".

🤦‍♂️

You know what I mean

Remember to always call function !

Finally got my first dose of vaccine today ^_^

And in another news, I am applying for a job at Microsoft.

I feel Bill Gates is our lord and saviour.

I don't understand why you all dumb people hate such a wonderful company so much.

The password field for our university website isn't case sensitive 🤣.

Linux doesn’t know my father…
Same

I am writing a graphics library for low power small memory footprint micro controllers to implement pebble watch like vector animations ( gif shows what i am trying to implement)
But I couldn’t find time 😔

Did you solve the issue?

OnlyFans is dead. Long live OnlyDevs!

Should we get rid of the name JAVAscript and start calling it EcmaScript or smth to avoid confusing recruiters with Java?

Unreachable

For years I worried I was not a good programmer because of bugs, issues and not giving accurate timescales.

Then I discovered devRant and realised that there’s thousands of us that have the same issues.