Nothing is more permanent than a temporary fix.

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

When you go to paste a piece of code with CTRL+V and accidentally press CTRL+C instead so you have to go back and re-copy it.

don't disturb the coders who wear head phones. It will take 2 more hours to make them back to track

Backend engineer doing frontend. The eternal struggle of centering an object.

Interviewer: (on the phone) do you know what SQL injection is?

Me: Are you a cop?

The moment when a client dumps you for a "cheaper solution" and after a year his site get hacked and calls you to rescue him. Priceless.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook