@Nanos

The trick is to form the necessary connections that they won't want to get violent with you :)

Also, I think the answer to "You must have mates first to do that" is quite simple. Also also, learning how to survive by yourself is a must, but didn't you also say that you should get help from others? ;3

Also, it seems we're turning to a whole new page here. So now instead of it being a question of whether someone can provide you a definitive answer to whatever problem you're facing, now it's a question of whether someone can find a way to give an answer within the bounds of your limited pool of resources. So I suppose the whole "letting others solve your problems" issue is solved now? Because it's just about seeking answers from others in an unfamiliar situation, which is an entirely different spectrum.

Anyways, I don't have the answers you're looking for, neiyher do I have the experience to give even an idea as to how to solve it. And I need to sleep so good night!

@Nanos

As I said, you're doing it the right way. And that's not having others solve your problems for you, it's letting others help you solve your problems. Those are two entirely different things. Letting others help is a must. Letting others do it for you is a no-no.

@Nanos

Well, if they get more mates on their side, you gotta get yours too, right?

The first time I stood up to a bully was when I knew I was practically untouchable. Made a lot of good connections with the right people. So they can't really declare war on me without getting hurt very very badly. And not in a physical way.

Also, that's only for simple problems. And those have a definite, broad solution anyone can do. However, by the way you seem to say "Is there a definite guide to that?" Seems to imply that you're looking for a solution to a problem that can't be solved easily.

@Nanos

Also, did you get involved in some gang, fraternity or something? Because that's not something thay just happens to your regular 'ol programmers...

Or at least, I think they don't?

I dunno, I'm still.just a student. I may have gone through a lot of shit in my young life, but Imwstill young nonetheless, so there are a lot of things I don't know.

Which is why I must remind you to take everything I say with a grain of salt lol.

@Nanos

Those are some really good points, however, I have a few things I'd like to say:

For the first one, no matter how much you tell people, it will never be enough to give them a good enough perspective on you that can suitably answer your problems. They can't feel, think, and act like you do. And because of that, their answers to your problems might be wholly unsuited for you. Advice is the best someone else can give you.

For the second one, well, that's a very optimistic view of the whole situation, and I like that! We need more optimism ib the world. However, in the other side of the spectrum, having others solve problems for you is quite addicting. Some tend to rely less and less and begins to get a habit of clinging to others for support. And once those who help them are gone? They are left too weak, too rusty, to reliably stand on their own two feet again. It's like a drug. Even in the few years I've lived in the world, I've been involved with people who had this problem.

@Nanos

Also, I know how great it is for someone to tell you what to do, but in reality, there's never a definite solution that someone else can come up with. YOU know your problems, and it's up to YOU to come up with a solution. People can give you advice, sure, but nobody can truly tell you what to do since they're not in your shoes.

The moment you rely on others to solve your problems for you, you lose control of your life.

Anyways, that's just my conjecture. As I said two times now in the same post, everyone's different, and as it is clear now, you are very different from me, or at least your situation is. You do you, m'man. Just do whatever makes you happy :)

@Nanos

Holy cow, m'dude, where the heck did you used to live? I've been beaten up before, but never that often. Plus I took some self-defense lessons sincr I was a small boi so it never became a real issue for me...

To be honest, physical violence was never a problem for me? I used to love martial arts (before they became boring for me :p) so they're actually part of my safe zone? By "going out of my safe zone," I meant I constantly took on challenges I've never really done before, trying new things, meeting new people, and other such things that I've never really been comfortable with.

Anyways, as I said, it's different for everyone. I live in a whole other world than yours, so I can't really tell you something that turned out for the worse for you. It's different for everyone.

@Nanos

Sadly, there's no definitive guide to that. It depends from person to person, I guess?

For me, it was facing my social anxiety issues head-on, and constantly going out of my safe zone. In the end, I always emerged with new tools to help deal with potential problems in the future, and all the fear and pain I felt was worth it in the long run. It's a very "brute force" way to solve my problems, and while it worked for me, it may not for others.

I suppose the one thing that applies to everyone is know your strengths, and play accordingly to it. Oh, and never mope and whine about your problems. It doesn't help you, nor the people around you. I can't count how many people I've seen rant about their problems and yet take no action about it. Whoops, that's two now lol.

@Nanos

I suppose its different for everyone. My social anxiety was caused by bullying and the feeling of inferiority that came with it. So, in a sense, I had control over it. Unlike in your situation, I suppose.

However I believe it's entirely up to the person whether the anxiety will go away or not. You may have no control over your problems at the moment, but you always have control over anxiety. It's only a matter whether you're willing to take the reins or not. This is just my take on the topic however, and I don't know the kind of things others are going through, so take it with a grain of salt.

Bottom line is, this is a sensitive topic and everyone has different views on it. I'll just pray that everyone going through something like that will be happy, at least.

@Michelle If you want to actively act on that, you might want to see a professional. However, as long as you keep on trying, like, making an actual effort to do away with anxiety, it'll go away in time.

It might help to remember that you are wonderful person, who is amazing at coding. Get your confidence up, and remember that you're just as good, or even better than other people!

Have a good day :)

Just throwing in my two cents here: I think they're just trying to help you, though, as can be seen here, social anxiety can't be solved nilly-willy just by talking to strangers, so you should let your friends know.

I used to have social anxiety too, and it just went away with time and continued interaction with peers. It'll go away too, don't worry. Having a group of friends who are programmers too can help a lot :)

@blancobloc Oh shush, you flatter me~. I'm just a student, and I'm not that good XD