Another case of "devs too stupid to poop" TM.

We had a funny discussion today.

Topic came up that a project using Lucene was incredibly slow.

Then came the yadda yadda of Java bad, Java sucks, Java bla Java blub in the gossip mill.

Both things irritated me, last thing was just the usual "I want to use new stuff cause I wanna be a cool jackass" trouble.

So. Today meeting. We did quick analysis by pair programming.

If I tell you that a whole team managed to review an PR, give it green light...

Despite the PR using the thread safe Lucene IndexWriter in a non-parallel fashion for large bulk inserts?

The whole problem screamed parallelization.

Yeah. If you ignore that scream and implement it in a sequential fashion, it is slow.

Congrats Jimmy, your retard level is off the charts.

That moment when you finally solve your problem and you can close your browser with 20+ tabs of searches for your error message. Feels damn good.

+1 of you remember the "Homie don't right click" days

because angular2 was what this world was missing...

devRant raised from 10 to 15 on a single rant for stickers.

Yeah, well, I’m gonna go print my own stickers with blackjack and hookers… In fact forget the stickers.

He was my senior and we were the only developers in our startup company. He doesn't liked flex or sass, so he never allowed me to use them which could make my life easier.

I'm seeing the rails intro by the creator and being honest, I'm not sure if all the abstraction is a really good thing or a really bad thing.

when a graphics card is more expensive than your current PC build :|

When you have to debug using Logcat for Android

Family gone for 2 months. Me and my laptop will be the only one at home. Let the code begin.

My procrastinating self... I can be a right lazy b***ard sometimes!

The guy who claimed he belonged to Mensa, wore socks into the bathroom, and slept at his desk. #mostannoyingcoworker

Worked with a front end dev that said "hmmm" to almost everything. She would do it in a way in which she sounded very interested in what you were saying. In one meeting we counted over 100 of them.

I worked with a developer for months. He was senior to me; on more money than me and had way more experience. I spent at least 25% of my time explaining the most basic stuff to him. Things like 'no, that's not how a cache works', 'no, you shouldnt be doing string concatenation inside a loop', 'no you've completely written the wrong thing because you didn't listen'

When he left, he claimed to have finished off a feature for our application. We dove into it, rewrote it, made it more efficient, the code cleaner, the documentation more succinct and the logic more obvious. When I say we, I mean me and a student, and by me and a student, I mean the student with some very light prodding from me.

A self-proclaimed 'Technical Architect' who didn't understand how Objects behaved in Java. The same guy also decided it was a good idea to check a config file for each environment into git, instead of using dependency injection like we had done everywhere else.

Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.

At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...

Well great.

a guy that i had to work with. He was a senior developer and asked me for helo in python. First i had to explain to him how to use OOP and when he couldnt implement my solution he blamed me for his slow progress... serval times

That one manager that sits behind you for hours and micromanages every feature, down to the line of code. #airplease

I currently work with a guy that constantly blurts out, "It's awful quiet over there."

This is intended for me to reply to when I'm in the middle of troubleshooting some code. I put both headphones over my ears, crank up some metal, and continue being quiet. I don't reward stupid behavior with a response.

Two currently, one that spends all day cussing and smashing his keyboard, and someone else who keeps sending me random work related shit on Facebook and Whatsapp the entire weekend!

A dude who was constantly saying "jokes" he found funny, but no one else did. They were incredibly dumb and sometimes borderlin offensive.

That dude is tied with a girl in my internship who had some kind of superiority complex and no matter what the interns did, she did it better in her time and we were a waste of resources, according to her. Once, me and my friend got late 10 minutes after lunch time, she complained. Next day, she was late by more than 45 minutes after lunch. Fucking hypocrite.

I've come to realize that when I get annoyed, it's usually because my lack of tolerance that is the problem. Annoying co workers is the perfect self improvement tool.

When I was in University, there's a group project on web development. We decided to make a simple game.

Out of 5 students (including me), one was missing for the entire semester.

Another one don't know anything about any kind of programming. We asked him to write us a json file of characters' attributes. Taught him how and gave examples. Turns out that most data is missing.

Luckily the other two was great. Altogether, we covered frontend, backend and design. Finally we got the highest mark :P

Best (and worst) team ever

My 2nd year university project. Everytime I started to work on my module, someone screwed things up on Github somehow and I was the one fixing it. That was the last time I decided to say bye to group projects and offer to do the whole work by myself.
But oh the irony...

had a project manager who was heavily religious.

any time he would give me impossible deadlines and I explained why that cant be done he always said "god will find a way"

I can you about one really annoying coworker: Me.

The first thing I did as a sysadmim was to break my colleague's rc helicopter. After that I decided to learn Python, pestering him with questions once every two minutes. I developed, using the word loosely, some scripts that I wrote directly on the production servers, with predictable results.

After a while, I broke less things than I fixed. I learned a lot those years. Today I'm still amazed by the patience and knowledge of this guy; I owe most of my career to him.

These days I have a brilliant job stopping morons such as myself from breaking to many things. I try to be as patient and I hope to be as knowledgeable.

Oh oh. Dude who use to sit next to me who didn't seem to be able to chew at a normal volume. It was so so so loud. 😷😷

my co worker: "I don't use a dev environment, I work directly from cpanel"
me: WTF???

My last job I worked with one other dev, she always thought her code was PERFECT and the way she did things PERFECT, she enjoyed pointing out flaws in my code or web sites in our big marketing meeting with out executives. Yeah won't miss her one bit

Had a university project with friends, got another guy (#1) in our team. Upon being asked if we would take yet another guy (#2), we were sceptical if he was a good developer... Turned out guy #2 is one of the best of us, guy #1 can't do shit.