Old but gold

Designer: can we put the popup at the top of the screen?

Me: You mean op top of the navigation?

Designer: Yeah.

Me: I sure can. Would be stupid to block off the site navigation with a popup, but definately possible.

Designer: Cool, let me know when done!

Me: ....

Me: I am done.

Designer: Well now I can't click on the navigation anymore.

Me: That's correct. Let me know when you want to change it again.

"Git pull a day keep the conflicts away"

"You can use an eraser on the drafting table or a sledge hammer on the construction site." - Frank Lloyd Wright

local Pizza Hut has really fast free wifi i come here to do all my online gaming

"I don't belive you're leaving our company because you think we don't trust you"

LOL!!!

i once (year 2000) created a chat application in microsoft excel

Also a big “fuck you” to whoever decided under any circumstance holding the power button down on a computer case meant anything other than shut this mother fucker all the way down and try the fuck again.

Gahhh. When I hold the power button I don’t what you to sleep, I want you to die! I’m electronically smothering your bitch ass. When I’m holding down the power button to restart, the computer should feel like it’s being waterboarded! Like these may be it’s last moments on Earth if it doesn’t act right and get in compliance! No it’s not nap time, it’s time to shut up or shut down...forever!

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

It is very hard to be a programmer and hate coffee. 😑

Chinese app programmer fights product manager for asking the app UI to "change color according to user phone case"

The way things are prioritized:

Emergency
Critical
ASAP
Do first
Top priority
Urgent
Urgent ASAP
Major urgent

Fuck sakes.. 😣

Bind in React is making me want to bind staples to my asshole so I can stop getting fucked! 🍆🚫 🍑😩

Aye MAM....

IoT is when your ai powered toaster is mining bitcoin to pay off its gambling debts it has with the smart fridge.

Mechanical Calculator, 1936. The technology marvel of it's time.

During an Interview:
- What's your greatest strength?
- Perseverance.
- Ok, thank you, we'll contact you!
- I'll wait here...

How Wireshark works

Slack update notes are by far the funniest out there.

My friend sent this to me this morning lmao.

Tell me if it's a repost.

Amazing, oh wait...

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Source: reddit, ofc

Under settings, we made a checkbox labeled “Run Program Faster”. The state was saved but it didn’t do anything.

We turned it “on” when people said things were slow. Usually they were happy and no one complained the “run faster” option wasn’t working.

Secretary of the IT department stated in a meeting that she was "overqualified to babysit a group of 40 grown-ass men who are unable to communicate with each other"

... all devs had a huge grin on their faces because we knew that she was absolutely right, management was furious 😂

She submitted her resignation on the same day, best secretary we've ever had!

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

Machine Learning is the future.
#MachineLearning #artificialintelligennce

The moment of truth

Wait, what??!

Android Developers 😂😂