We are a hosting company.

That means that we host websites and servers.

Hat does NOT mean that we manage your FUCKING APPLICATIONS.

THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON WHO'S GOING TO ASK ME APPLICATION RELATED QUESTIONS OR TRIES TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT REALLY IS A MOTHERFUCKING HOSTING ISSUE IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING FIST IN THEIR EYES.

FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

Guys we did it! The VS Code logo is back to blue again!
https://code.visualstudio.com/blogs...

We are in 2017! :)

So adopting this price list. Like right now.

Tv hacker: I'll write code to hack their security cameras

2 seconds later

Tv hacker: I'm in

Me: go fuck yourself you fucking fuck

\(+_+)/

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

Just imagine how good a .js tld would sell 😂

Tested and checked in code. Left on vacation and came back.

The code I checked in still was there, still works, and didn't cause any fires while I was gone :)

Success!

Client: can we have a quick call right now?
Me: sure, hold on while I install VirtualBox, Windows 10 and Skype for Business

*Cuts 7 slow lines of code down to 1 fast line of code*
*Looks around to see if coworkers can see me*
*Pumps both fists in the air*

The IT Throne 💻😂😂

Every time I read "JSON" I get Heavy Rain in my head.
"Jason! Ja-son! Jason!"
https://youtu.be/nN81CU2b9rA?t=59

It's dark. It's pitch black. It's scary. You go '000000....'
Someone shines a bright spotlight on your face. You go 'FFFFFF.....'

In addition to talking all about yourself and polishing your resume, take a bit of your time and learn something about the company that should hire you. Try to find out what they do, how they do it and what their success story is. And then put yourself in that picture.

Everyone says "don't lie, don't bluff", but all those years ago I put my foot in the door and got my first ever dev job by pretending I knew what JavaScript was. It all worked out in the end.

Gitlab, I was working dude...

Here I am, 'Junior' in my title and on my paycheck, training my 'Senior' colleague on the concept of variable types.

age++;

I am so bad at Smalltalk.. really, I feel like an idiot every time, and every time I end up in silence. Just talk to me something it-related, I can't stop talking. Does this happens to you too?

Boss: log in to azure and fix this server
Me: I don't have access
Boss: why not?
Me: you never gave me access...
Boss: ...
Me: hello?
Boss: (never responds in chat)
Me: 😒

She: Do dates make you nervous?

He: Oh yes, especially when the client and server are in different timezones and I need to calculate the difference and they are in different formats and I mean why can’t everyone just use ISO8601, right?

She: Okay never mind bye..........

Professional googler.

I love the Slack changelogs 😂

Really.. I thought ummm..

The bugs have learned to hide

When people tell me their problems I immediately start coming up with solutions when really they just want sympathy.

It changed my life, really. 😁

Here we go

Credit to /r/programming