Do that and you'll be killed by me instead.

When you gotta fix that bug in production by 5:30pm and fight freiza at 5:35pm

With style

The more you know...

kill -9 me

When Google is desperate about getting then good ratings...

!rant
Yoo fellow devs... And sysAdmins??
We're tasked with migrating our apps from current HP UX server to RHEL...
Most of our apps run on Tomcat 7 and weblogic...
We also have Oracle DB Enterprise Edition...
Just wondering if any of you out there from the stone age have done this recently... Any tips.. Warnings... Advice on the matter??

When the company is treating u like shit... Blaming everything on you and you just get fed up with em.. You be like...

And all the frameworks that we're released after this post

Did an rm *.jar on a wrong app directory as root on a live system

Hardcoding stuff when im short on time.

First dev job was not really a job but rather an internship... I was completely new to Spring and Jersey Java and i was given a 5 points story "which turned out to be 8 later on" to consume a RESTfrl webservice... Manipulate the response and create an Excel sheet at the end... But the Excel columns n rows had some complicated logic to determine colour, font, borders, alignment and a lot of other props..
Got it done "code was a bit ugly" and dev lead was satisfied and told me I actually knocked out an 8 points story on my own... Team velocity was 5 points story per Dev.
Now im a full time Developer therr

Johndoe is not in the sudeors file. This incident will be reported

Same here

But they did not know

Securely delivering your food with certificatew

How did I learn programming?
When I joined college I was literally the dumbest in the class... I didn't even know what is a char and what is a String.. Our lecturer made fun of and humiliated me in front of the whole class....also my parents barely afforded my college tutotion fed...
So one night I sat with myself and reevaluated myself and decided that no matter how hard it is gonna be, I must become an excellent programmer....spent restless nights and days learning the core of programming in c++ then switched to Java *best day in my life* and also learned Android development.. And later JavaScript "mostly worked with jQuery and AngularJs*
In my final year project I built an Android web browser that even the lecturer that made fun of me was impressed by..and my app was rated the best project of that batch.
Now I'm working as a Java web dev and made a promise to myself that I'd learn something new every day.

Least favorite enterprise software... Oh I have a bunch of them that I actually still work with but I'll mention 3
Sharepoint
Clearcase
Timweb

That feeling when you've been writing some sophisticated feature in Java for 2 consecutive days and you compile the code waiting for errors but it just works fine without any errors.

Please fellow devs.. I need 9 upvotes to get that spongy ball lol. 😭😭
https://www.devrant.io/rants/272942

Welcome to the cloud

When I revisit old code that's not commented.

Touch the following link and I guarantee you won't be disappointed. 😂
https://youtu.be/R9LTY37lQdU

Start your career at a startup... Only join a corporate or start your own business few years after that... In startups you'll face lots of issues that'll build your technicality and give you a very valuable experience

Things aren't always #000000 and #FFFFFF ya know... There are 👇

But that's how you improve right? Lol

Guys kill me please...
WE USE CLEARCASE AND ANT
Because git and maven are still under evaluation....
Am I working for the wrong company?

Blue pill: master LITERALLY every computer language on earth and be able to use them to their full potential to create LITERALLY any idea that comes to you.
Red pill: master LITERALLY every linguistic language that exists and be able to speak fluently with every human on earth
...........................
I picked the blue pill and people thought I'm weird.

public String getDbPasswd(){
try{
String dbPasswd = SomeInhouseEncryptionLib.getPasswd("/hard/coded/path/to/key");
return dbPasswd;
} catch(Exception e){
LOGGER.log(Level.SEVERE,e)
return "the-actual-password";
}
return null;
}

And this is now in production
FML

After realizing how life-saving commenting is..