At work, everytime someone finds a piece of code (their own or someone else's) that couldn't possibly have ever worked, we draw a line. Obviously preceded by finding out who wrote said code.

The most productive time of your day is when you have a BSOD

My code: 0.00000001ms
Your code: 0.00000002ms

U cant even Hello in to my World

My Hacken shirt finally arrived 😍

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on binary tree it became a linked list

Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

I get an email about an hour before I get into work: Our website is 502'ing and our company email addresses are all spammed! I login to the server, test if static files (served separately from site) works (they do). This means that my upstream proxy'd PHP-FPM process was fucked. I killed the daemon, checked the web root for sanity, and ran it again. Then, I set up rate limiting. Who knew such a site would get hit?

Some fucking script kiddie set up a proxy, ran Scrapy behind it, and crawled our site for DDoS-able URLs - even out of forms. I say script kiddie because no real hacker would hit this site (it's minor tourism in New Jersey), and the crawler was too advanced for joe shmoe to write. You're no match for well-tuned rate-limiting, asshole!

Dev team: Using Jira, Trello, other collaborative tools.

Boss: -"Progress?"

Dev team:

Q:"What five words best describe programming?"

A:" World never says "HELLO" back !"

Am I the only one who doesn't need coffee to code?

Linux is only free if your time has no value.

😂😂😂😂

Not a rant, just awesomeness:
At my company our CTO organizes a meeting every month that gives us devs a chance to present new technologies to each other, offer advice about workflows and give feedback about current situations. This allows us to constantly improve.
Thanks boss!

Never let customers define the priority levels. It will end in:
- Normal (never used)
- High (used for small text changes)
- Higher
- OMG fix now
- Highest
- the World is ending if this doesn't get fixed now
- different existential plane of priority
- Priority ∞ + 1

Work-life balance. I will go home and code more for my job even though my work day is complete.