Teachers who evaluate your mini project on the number of lines of code written........🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

He's got a valid point

We are in 2017! :)

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Me: “I want the AWS instance with 2TB of RAM.”

Friend: “What on earth for!?”

Me: “I need to run the Slack client and Chrome at the same time.”

Dear unknown StackExchange random dude,

You don't know me, I don't know you, but, let's be honest : I came here to get answers, not to get my question fucking edited.

Regards,

Go fuck yourself

"History is never made by those who use incognito browser"

~ William Shakespeare.

Choose a name.

Today I broke a record 🎉

..in the production database 😅

For any job, you can include in your resume, without a hint of lying, that you are Time magazine person of the year 2006. Seriously.

Avoid recruiters at all costs.

- It's a game, play it
- Come prepared
- It's better to say "not sure" or "don't know" than bullshit
- Don't write in the CV (or mention during the interview) things you don't want to be asked about
- Sound eager and enthusiastic about your profession because no one likes a downer
- the interview is a sales meeting, you are the goods, be sure to be a good salesman

Maintain your LinkedIn, write little articles about implementations on a tech blog, check issues on popular github projects and make PRs, create a portfolio website. Register as a company and do some freelance work, even if it's just a cheap website for your grandma's knitting club.

Do the tour/tutorial of every popular language/framework. Learn the basics of react/vue as a backend dev, learn some sql as a frontend dev. Set up a vps server at DO or AWS, host a few small services. Fullstack is bullshit, but communication is key in development, which means you need to know about the whole playing field.

Recruiters can be useful, but knowing developers in your area is even more valuable. So especially if you're unemployed, go to hackathons, conferences and meetups.

Don't lie on your CV.

If you don't know SQL, then just mention NoSQL in your CV.

Professional googler.

When your code is a mess but still works

I don't understand why every non-technical person who comes to do work in my apartment messes up my fucking router.

The cleaning lady - multiple times knocked the antennas partially off. Like fucking clock work. I don't get it, why is the cleaning lady attracted to my router antennas and why does she need to be so hard on them? Whatever.

The most ridiculous episode was today. And it wasn't the cleaning lady. I had a few people here doing some work today and the woman in charge who was here informed me before that they might have to move the furniture "a little."

I come home, and like a bad omen, the plastic parts on BOTH my router antennas are missing. Completely gone. It's just the the wires. Now, the router still works fine in my tiny apartment, but it is a fancy Asus router (I learned the hard way not to buy cheap routers) and I'd like it to not have fucking wires as antennas.

I email the woman (paraphrased):

Me: hey, it seems the antennas got knocked off my router, do you have any idea where they might have went?

Her: Apologies if we didn't put everything back (no shit you didn't, that's why I've had to email you). If we knocked the antennas off the router (fucking "if"???? I literally just told you in my email that they were knocked off) , they are probably somewhere by the window on the floor (they weren't).

And I still haven't found them. Why the fuck do these people seemingly attack my router? I can't figure out what it is about it. You would think people would be more careful around electronics but naaah. Anyway, going to go keep looking for my router antennas.

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Fact=!rant

Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?

That's a great bug

Every fkn 3 to 4 days, some random dev shows up in my office really really fkn confused and frustrated about something he doesn't understand - because I have a dark secret.

Sometime, in cold lonely nights, when no one is watching, I write my documentation before the actual code.

Somehow, sometimes documentation without code attached to it makes it to production.

Today someone yelled at me for wasting his time because he wasted 3 hours trying to find the code the documentation belongs to - and demented I stop the practice from now on.

Agh.

Ctrl + Z in real life.

Always wondered how Dijkstra came up with that algorithm!

Am I the only one who's bothered by the fact that in CSS, "!important" doesn't mean "not important" ?

When frontend is ready before backend

When you just saw a random kid playing games you made

When ransomeware guys provide better customer support than most companies 😂

Sheer cruel🤣🤣🤣